life

Head-Over-Heels Romantics Should Come Back to Earth

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 16th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I have been single for a couple of years. I have always been levelheaded when it comes to romance, but I'm finding myself unable to control my feelings about the new man I'm seeing.

"Brent" is smart, intelligent, sweet and loving. We have been dating for a little over a week and he has already given me keys to his place. (I have a roommate, or I would have given him my keys, too!)

I love him. He loves me. I am so happy. I feel calm and confident about how we're progressing. This is a first for me. I know it's unusually fast, but my parents got married six weeks after they met, and they're still happy together after 37 years.

Love at first sight is rare, but I think this is it. Your thoughts? -- WOWED IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR WOWED: I'm glad for your parents, but because they married six weeks after they met does not mean you must repeat history. Right now, you and Brent appear to be caught up in a whirl of endorphins and adrenaline. Because you asked for my thoughts I'll share them: Slow down until both of you have your feet back on the ground because that is how solid relationships are built. Your folks were an exception to the rule. If you don't believe me, ask them.

Love & Dating
life

Never-Married Man Is Caught In Catch-22

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 16th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 62-year-old male. My problem is I have never been married, and when I go on dates, women always want to know why I'm still single.

The reasons are financial and also that I'm allergic to cats. (A lot of women own cats.) I have never made much money, and I live with my mother. I can't afford to move out, and even when I had a place of my own, it didn't make much difference. I'd like to be married, but this has become a catch-22. No one wants to marry me because I have never been married.

I have looked this issue up online and it is a huge problem; women definitely discriminate against never-married men. Sometimes I wonder if I should lie and say I'm a widower. What can I say to women who interrogate me about this? -- SEARCHING FOR A MATE IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR SEARCHING: If you lie about the fact that you're a lifelong bachelor, at some point the truth will come out and your credibility will be shot. That's why I'm advising you to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.

Your marital status is nothing to be ashamed of. Not everyone is meant to be married. You say you are 62 and live with your mother because you can't afford to live on your own. Has it occurred to you that you might not be able to afford being married?

Also, marriage is a big adjustment for anyone -- male or female. There is no guarantee that a person who has become set in his or her ways can successfully make that transition. This is not to say that you shouldn't have companionship, but you don't need a wife for that. A good friend -- or several -- could provide it.

Love & Dating
life

Man's Affair Has Ended, but Marriage Remains in Limbo

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 15th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My husband of 30 years had an affair a year and a half ago. We struggled through the aftermath and are trying to restart our relationship. He remained in touch with the other woman until she finally pulled the plug on him, and now he has no interest in talking with me about our relationship or how to improve it.

He is distant and refuses to say "I love you." He doesn't initiate hugs or kisses. He will initiate sex every so often, but I am usually the one who seems to need more contact.

When I question him, he tells me everything is all right and I am making a mountain out of a molehill. We have good times, but I really feel his lack of affection.

I don't want to leave this man. I love him dearly and have for many years. Should I keep waiting for the renewal or has my membership here lapsed and I'm just kidding myself? -- FROZEN OUT IN ALASKA

DEAR FROZEN OUT: Because you love him dearly and don't want to leave him, stay put. However, everything isn't all right, and you are not making a mountain out of a molehill. Your husband appears to be punishing you for something, and unless you get to the bottom of it, your relationship with him will remain icy cold.

A licensed marriage counselor may be able to help you rebuild your relationship, but it won't happen unless he is willing to try. If he isn't, then you should go without him and let the therapist help you decide if this is the way you want to live the rest of your life.

Sex & GenderMarriage & Divorce
life

A Little Thoughtfulness Goes A Long Way At Drive-Thru Pharmacies

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 15th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: If you will print this, it would help pharmacy technicians everywhere.

Drive-thru windows are for convenience, not speed. We are not handing out hamburgers. But if you have new insurance, questions for a pharmacist, a large order or anything out of the ordinary, please come into the store. To do otherwise is rude to the people in line behind you who will blame us because they had to wait.

You take a new insurance card to your doctor, and you should do the same at the pharmacy. We're not psychic and we don't automatically know your insurance has changed. Entering new data correctly is time-consuming, and you are not the only one who "forgot" -- so refrain from directing your impatience at us.

Don't hang onto a new prescription for weeks and present it to us in a hurry. Bring it to the pharmacy to be placed in your file, then call a day ahead to say you want it filled. Call in advance for maintenance drugs, too. That way, you won't have to wait for your medication.

Do not panic about holidays, weekends or weather. WE ARE OPEN. We will need the prescription number or name to fill it correctly.

Pay close attention to the number of refills and the expiration dates on each vial. If you are out of refills, obviously we can't fill it without a new prescription from your doctor.

Abby, we start early, stay late and skip breaks to help the sick. Common sense and accountability are needed. We are here to help patients efficiently and courteously. Please remind your readers that pharmacy employees deserve the same in return. -- STRESSED TECH IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR STRESSED TECH: My hat is off to you and I'm glad to help. Your suggestions are sensible. Customer service is one of the hardest jobs in the world, and working with people who are sick, hungry or stressed can make it even more difficult.

Readers, losing one's temper and being rude will not improve service, and may impede it. I have found that the process of picking up and dropping off prescriptions goes more smoothly if it's done at other than peak hours.

Health & Safety
life

Drinking Becomes a Problem for Wife Pressured to Imbibe

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 14th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I'm not much of a drinker. I have nothing against drinking or those who do. I just do not like the taste of alcohol. Worse, I have a very low tolerance for it. After only half a glass of wine, I become so sleepy I can barely keep my eyes open. It makes me feel physically awful.

My husband takes offense to the fact that I don't want to drink. When we're out with friends, he'll have three or four beers and pressure me to the point of embarrassment in front of them until I finally give in and order a glass of wine. Of course, I then spend the rest of the evening feeling terrible. When we get home, he'll want to be intimate, but I just want to go to sleep, which aggravates him further.

I have tried for several years to discuss this with him, but he can't explain why he does this. What can I do? -- JUST WATER, PLEASE

DEAR JUST WATER: Your husband is a drinker. He may be self-conscious about the amount he imbibes and feels less so if he has a drinking buddy (that's you), willing or not. To say the least, his behavior is inconsiderate -- and I mean all of it.

When someone is involved with a problem drinker, and from your description of his behavior your husband is one, the place to start looking for answers is Al-Anon. To find a meeting close to you, go online to al-anon.org. Please don't wait.

AddictionMarriage & DivorceHealth & Safety
life

Gay Teen Accuses Best Friend Of Discrimination

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | August 14th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My best friend, "Cecily," has just come out to me as being a lesbian. We are both 15. I have tried my best to make her feel accepted and comfortable. But whenever she wants something from me and I refuse, she says I'm "treating her badly because she's gay."

I let it go the first couple of times, but now she does this every time she wants something. When I finally confronted her about it, she went to her mother and said I was bullying her because of her being gay. Her mother yelled at me and told me to "get my act together or get out of her life." Her mother is like a second mother to me.

Other than this, Cecily has been a great friend. This has gotten way out of hand. Abby, I have tried everything. What do I do? -- WAY OUT OF HAND IN NEW YORK

DEAR WAY OUT OF HAND: Cecily may react this way because she's newly out and hypersensitive to being discriminated against for being gay. (For too many gay teens, this is a sad reality.)

Consider asking your mother to talk to Cecily's mother and explain that you're not homophobic but feel her daughter is being manipulative. If the woman hears it from another adult, she may talk to her daughter about it. However, if that doesn't work, you may have to decide if it's worth it to continue the relationship under these circumstances.

TeensFriends & NeighborsSex & Gender

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