DEAR ABBY: My husband of 30 years had an affair a year and a half ago. We struggled through the aftermath and are trying to restart our relationship. He remained in touch with the other woman until she finally pulled the plug on him, and now he has no interest in talking with me about our relationship or how to improve it.

He is distant and refuses to say "I love you." He doesn't initiate hugs or kisses. He will initiate sex every so often, but I am usually the one who seems to need more contact.

When I question him, he tells me everything is all right and I am making a mountain out of a molehill. We have good times, but I really feel his lack of affection.

I don't want to leave this man. I love him dearly and have for many years. Should I keep waiting for the renewal or has my membership here lapsed and I'm just kidding myself? -- FROZEN OUT IN ALASKA

DEAR FROZEN OUT: Because you love him dearly and don't want to leave him, stay put. However, everything isn't all right, and you are not making a mountain out of a molehill. Your husband appears to be punishing you for something, and unless you get to the bottom of it, your relationship with him will remain icy cold.

A licensed marriage counselor may be able to help you rebuild your relationship, but it won't happen unless he is willing to try. If he isn't, then you should go without him and let the therapist help you decide if this is the way you want to live the rest of your life.

DEAR ABBY: If you will print this, it would help pharmacy technicians everywhere.

Drive-thru windows are for convenience, not speed. We are not handing out hamburgers. But if you have new insurance, questions for a pharmacist, a large order or anything out of the ordinary, please come into the store. To do otherwise is rude to the people in line behind you who will blame us because they had to wait.

You take a new insurance card to your doctor, and you should do the same at the pharmacy. We're not psychic and we don't automatically know your insurance has changed. Entering new data correctly is time-consuming, and you are not the only one who "forgot" -- so refrain from directing your impatience at us.

Don't hang onto a new prescription for weeks and present it to us in a hurry. Bring it to the pharmacy to be placed in your file, then call a day ahead to say you want it filled. Call in advance for maintenance drugs, too. That way, you won't have to wait for your medication.

Do not panic about holidays, weekends or weather. WE ARE OPEN. We will need the prescription number or name to fill it correctly.

Pay close attention to the number of refills and the expiration dates on each vial. If you are out of refills, obviously we can't fill it without a new prescription from your doctor.

Abby, we start early, stay late and skip breaks to help the sick. Common sense and accountability are needed. We are here to help patients efficiently and courteously. Please remind your readers that pharmacy employees deserve the same in return. -- STRESSED TECH IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR STRESSED TECH: My hat is off to you and I'm glad to help. Your suggestions are sensible. Customer service is one of the hardest jobs in the world, and working with people who are sick, hungry or stressed can make it even more difficult.

Readers, losing one's temper and being rude will not improve service, and may impede it. I have found that the process of picking up and dropping off prescriptions goes more smoothly if it's done at other than peak hours.

DEAR ABBY: I'm not much of a drinker. I have nothing against drinking or those who do. I just do not like the taste of alcohol. Worse, I have a very low tolerance for it. After only half a glass of wine, I become so sleepy I can barely keep my eyes open. It makes me feel physically awful.

My husband takes offense to the fact that I don't want to drink. When we're out with friends, he'll have three or four beers and pressure me to the point of embarrassment in front of them until I finally give in and order a glass of wine. Of course, I then spend the rest of the evening feeling terrible. When we get home, he'll want to be intimate, but I just want to go to sleep, which aggravates him further.

I have tried for several years to discuss this with him, but he can't explain why he does this. What can I do? -- JUST WATER, PLEASE

DEAR JUST WATER: Your husband is a drinker. He may be self-conscious about the amount he imbibes and feels less so if he has a drinking buddy (that's you), willing or not. To say the least, his behavior is inconsiderate -- and I mean all of it.

When someone is involved with a problem drinker, and from your description of his behavior your husband is one, the place to start looking for answers is Al-Anon. To find a meeting close to you, go online to al-anon.org. Please don't wait.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend, "Cecily," has just come out to me as being a lesbian. We are both 15. I have tried my best to make her feel accepted and comfortable. But whenever she wants something from me and I refuse, she says I'm "treating her badly because she's gay."

I let it go the first couple of times, but now she does this every time she wants something. When I finally confronted her about it, she went to her mother and said I was bullying her because of her being gay. Her mother yelled at me and told me to "get my act together or get out of her life." Her mother is like a second mother to me.

Other than this, Cecily has been a great friend. This has gotten way out of hand. Abby, I have tried everything. What do I do? -- WAY OUT OF HAND IN NEW YORK

DEAR WAY OUT OF HAND: Cecily may react this way because she's newly out and hypersensitive to being discriminated against for being gay. (For too many gay teens, this is a sad reality.)

Consider asking your mother to talk to Cecily's mother and explain that you're not homophobic but feel her daughter is being manipulative. If the woman hears it from another adult, she may talk to her daughter about it. However, if that doesn't work, you may have to decide if it's worth it to continue the relationship under these circumstances.

DEAR ABBY: I am very concerned about my 33-year-old daughter's safety. A man in his mid-60s, someone she met at a previous job, has become obsessed with her. He has declared his love for her, divorced his wife and slathered my struggling, single daughter with gifts over the last three years.

She has refused his advances on nearly a daily basis, and he is now tracking her every move. If she leaves her house for even 30 minutes, he knows and accuses her of going to have sex with someone. If she says she's coming to my house, he drives by to verify it. If it takes her longer than he thinks it should, he accuses her of having sex with someone. She swears that she has never had sex with him.

It has really intensified lately. I'm frantic about her safety. What should I do? -- SCARED MOM IN FLORIDA

DEAR SCARED MOM: Your daughter's "admirer" is showing all the signs of being a stalker. Why is she carrying on any conversations with him and telling him where she's going? If she accepted gifts he "slathered" on her, it may be why he feels she encouraged him. They should be returned.

You and your daughter should go to the police and report what he has been doing. It may be necessary for her to take out a restraining order because this person appears to be unbalanced and may be dangerous.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I recently decided to get married. We plan to go to the courthouse next month and have a justice of the peace perform the ceremony. Since it will be nothing fancy, we have decided to invite just a few family members -- his mom, grandma and brother, along with my mom and dad.

What we need advice about is how to tell his mom. She feels that marriage is just a piece of paper and you shouldn't need it to prove how committed you are. Because of her views, he wants to "surprise" her the day of the wedding when we all arrive at the courthouse. I feel it's a bad idea, and she should have some time to get used to the thought of us being married.

Any advice you can offer on when to tell her, and how to handle what she's going to say? -- FUTURE DAUGHTER-IN-LAW

DEAR FUTURE D.I.L.: I agree that your boyfriend's mother should be told beforehand, and the good news should be delivered by both of you. When she delivers the predictable "marriage is just a piece of paper" comment, you should respond that the piece of paper is an important one to you, and your boyfriend should tell her he's doing this because he loves you and, in the event that anything should happen to him, he wants to provide for you. If she gives you an argument, remember that you're asking for her blessing -- not her permission.

DEAR ABBY: Do you think people can change? -- JILL IN CHESTER, PA.

DEAR JILL: I assume you mean change for the better. The answer is yes, of course people can change. With motivation, determination and perseverance, people can accomplish almost anything they set their minds to.