DEAR ABBY: I am very concerned about my 33-year-old daughter's safety. A man in his mid-60s, someone she met at a previous job, has become obsessed with her. He has declared his love for her, divorced his wife and slathered my struggling, single daughter with gifts over the last three years.

She has refused his advances on nearly a daily basis, and he is now tracking her every move. If she leaves her house for even 30 minutes, he knows and accuses her of going to have sex with someone. If she says she's coming to my house, he drives by to verify it. If it takes her longer than he thinks it should, he accuses her of having sex with someone. She swears that she has never had sex with him.

It has really intensified lately. I'm frantic about her safety. What should I do? -- SCARED MOM IN FLORIDA

DEAR SCARED MOM: Your daughter's "admirer" is showing all the signs of being a stalker. Why is she carrying on any conversations with him and telling him where she's going? If she accepted gifts he "slathered" on her, it may be why he feels she encouraged him. They should be returned.

You and your daughter should go to the police and report what he has been doing. It may be necessary for her to take out a restraining order because this person appears to be unbalanced and may be dangerous.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I recently decided to get married. We plan to go to the courthouse next month and have a justice of the peace perform the ceremony. Since it will be nothing fancy, we have decided to invite just a few family members -- his mom, grandma and brother, along with my mom and dad.

What we need advice about is how to tell his mom. She feels that marriage is just a piece of paper and you shouldn't need it to prove how committed you are. Because of her views, he wants to "surprise" her the day of the wedding when we all arrive at the courthouse. I feel it's a bad idea, and she should have some time to get used to the thought of us being married.

Any advice you can offer on when to tell her, and how to handle what she's going to say? -- FUTURE DAUGHTER-IN-LAW

DEAR FUTURE D.I.L.: I agree that your boyfriend's mother should be told beforehand, and the good news should be delivered by both of you. When she delivers the predictable "marriage is just a piece of paper" comment, you should respond that the piece of paper is an important one to you, and your boyfriend should tell her he's doing this because he loves you and, in the event that anything should happen to him, he wants to provide for you. If she gives you an argument, remember that you're asking for her blessing -- not her permission.

DEAR ABBY: Do you think people can change? -- JILL IN CHESTER, PA.

DEAR JILL: I assume you mean change for the better. The answer is yes, of course people can change. With motivation, determination and perseverance, people can accomplish almost anything they set their minds to.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a single woman in my late 30s and have an 18-year-old daughter. When I am alone or out with my girlfriends, I am constantly hit on by younger men. My girlfriends say it's because I don't look my age and that I should feel flattered. Well, I am not a "cougar," and I don't get turned on by younger men. I find it offensive when I am approached by them.

While my single friends are being asked on romantic dates by professional older men, I'm being asked on dates by struggling college boys who have no car, no job and cramped living quarters with three other roommates. Give me a break!

It has reached the point that I just pretend to be married. But it's starting to bother me that mature men don't find me attractive. I have stopped wanting to go out because of this. What should I do? -- IN A FUNK IN FRESNO

DEAR IN A FUNK: Where's your sense of humor? Instead of telling these young men you're married, why not tell them something closer to the truth -- that you're old enough to be their mother and ask if they happen to have a single uncle.

Seriously, if the only men who pay attention to you are men in their early 20s, your problem may be the way you're packaging the product you're trying to sell. Your makeup, hairstyle and attire may send the wrong message, and that's why men in your target demographic aren't showing an interest. Talk to your friends about this and see what they have to offer.

DEAR ABBY: I have a stressful job but do not work "regular" hours. I also care for my aged mother, which is like having another job. Because of this, I have little time to myself or to relax. During warm weather I enjoy taking an occasional break on my back deck, whether reading materials for work, enjoying a novel or catching a quick nap. Frequently, I'll transact business on my cellphone.

Anytime my neighbor sees me sitting on my deck, he'll come out of his house. He thinks it's funny to say things like, "Boy, I wish I could be like you and not have to work," or "Must be nice to just sit around."

The first few times it was funny, but I no longer find it humorous -- especially when I'm stressed out about work or my mother. Yesterday I warned him, "Don't go there!"

How can I nicely let my neighbor know his joke is now stale and no longer appropriate? With all the pressure I'm under, he's making even a quick break stressful. -- BEHIND THE 8-BALL IN OHIO

DEAR BEHIND THE 8-BALL: Your neighbor may be a tad jealous of what he perceives as all your free time, or he may be a one-joke wonder who's trying to be friendly. But the nicest and most direct way to get your message across would be to explain that you're not only working from home, but also caring for your mother -- and when you take these breaks, solitude is necessary.

DEAR ABBY: It disturbs me greatly that we keep reading about parents leaving their children in cars, whether it be absentmindedness, stress or downright intentional. It needs to stop.

I'm hoping car manufacturers can come up with an idea -- maybe a sensor that once the doors are closed and locked, should there be motion or a sound in the vehicle, the windows would automatically open, giving a passer-by a chance to see inside and maybe save a precious life. -- FRUSTRATED BY "PREMATURE" ANGELS

DEAR FRUSTRATED: You are not the only one who is disturbed by these recent tragedies. They are on the minds of a lot of people lately. Today's mail brought a suggestion from another reader who is hoping to put an end to the loss of these fragile young lives. A mother in Westland, Michigan, offered this:

DEAR ABBY: I have a suggestion for parents. Talk to your children when they are in the car with you. I always carried on a conversation, sang or counted to my kids, even newborns, and continued through the years they were rear-facing and forward-facing. It helped them to learn their ABCs, count, and even know where streets were. It was also a running reminder that someone very special was with me. I never listened to the radio, unless it was nursery rhymes on DVD or toddler songs. It not only helped me teach my children, but it also made driving fun and safe for the tiny passengers in my car. -- D.W.K.

READERS: A nonprofit group called KidsAndCars suggests that parents "place something they will need (when exiting the vehicle), such as a cellphone, handbag or briefcase, near the child in the back seat. Or keep a large stuffed animal in the child's car seat when it's not occupied. When the child is in the car seat, place the stuffed animal in the front passenger seat as a reminder that the child is in the back.

"And tell the child's day care center or baby sitter that they will always be called if your child isn't coming in as scheduled. If the child is absent without an explanation, the day care center or baby sitter is expected to contact a parent or another designated caregiver."

I would not recommend an automatic device because it could fail.

DEAR ABBY: I am friends with a couple who have been married for three years. I have worked with the wife since before their wedding. The wife is overtly sexual toward me and has cheated on her husband with many men during the last year.

I'll be changing jobs soon and think the husband should know what his wife has been doing. Should I send him an anonymous letter? Tell him in person? Or let him find out for himself in the future? -- TROUBLED FRIEND IN DETROIT

DEAR TROUBLED: Because the woman is "overtly" sexual with you, it's likely the husband already has an inkling. Whether you decide to tell him his wife is cheating with multiple men depends on whether you would want to be told. But this I can tell you emphatically: This information should not be conveyed in an unsigned letter from a "friend."