DEAR ABBY: I have a friend who will help herself to anything in my fridge, pantry, etc. without asking. She also will eat most if not all food that's meant to be shared, such as appetizers and snacks at a social gathering. Once she literally polished off an entire plate of appetizers before my guests arrived and I had nothing to feed them.

After she finishes the food, she often says, "Oh, I was starving!" I find myself hiding food from her when she comes over, or delaying putting treats out for guests until later in the party.

The most recent episode was when I was preparing food for my toddler. While it was cooling on the counter, she helped herself to all of it. She told me afterward she had consumed it.

So you see -- nothing is safe, not even a child's meal. Abby, how can I tell her what she's doing is wrong and rude? -- STUMPED IN STUDIO CITY, CALIF.

DEAR STUMPED: Your friend may be a compulsive eater, but that's no excuse for what she has been doing. Tell her in plain English that you don't like it when she helps herself to food without first asking, or hogging it when it has been prepared for a party.

Taking something that was meant for your toddler was over the top. Say that if she's feeling "starved" when she's headed for your house, she should have a snack to take the edge off before arriving. And if you see less of her because of your frankness, consider yourself lucky.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I and our toddler son were recently out to dinner. A woman walked past our table to the family next to us and gushed about how "beautiful" the couple's daughter was. Their child was the same age as our son, who is just as well-behaved.

I found it hurtful that a stranger would compliment one child and ignore the family seated at the next table. My husband disagrees. Am I wrong to be offended? Do you think this was rude? -- FURIOUS IN FLORIDA

DEAR FURIOUS: I agree with your husband. I doubt the woman deliberately meant to slight your son. All her attention was simply focused on the little girl.

DEAR ABBY: I always take my shower before I go to bed. My friends take their showers in the morning. Which one is correct? I wouldn't want to go to sleep dirty. -- GARY IN BROOKLYN

DEAR GARY: The time of day one takes a shower is a matter of personal preference and lifestyle. If you are a mechanic or do heavy physical labor, showering before you go to bed makes sense. However, if your job requires working closely with the public or co-workers, then taking a shower in the morning before work is considerate.

DEAR ABBY: I just finished reading the letter from "Pressured" (April 23), the wife whose husband keeps track of how often he and his wife have had sex and his determination to have sex 100 times per year. She was wondering if this is normal.

I can tell her that my former husband thought we should have sex five times a week. He kept a calendar of when we had sex that also included who initiated it. I explained to him that I was more than willing to have frequent sex, but that he also had to be an attentive, caring husband.

Our marriage counselor believed he was suffering from obsessive-compulsive disorder, depression and was probably a diagnosable narcissist. Surprise, surprise! He pronounced our marriage counselor to be inept and divorced me.

"Pressured" says she has a good marriage, so I assume that means she has a caring husband. I would advise her to do her best to enthusiastically and creatively meet his needs. Most men express love and feel loved by having sex. Scorekeeping could be his ineffective attempt at communicating his need to feel loved. -- THE EX-MRS.

DEAR EX: Thank you for writing. The saying "men are from Mars, women are from Venus" aptly applies to the responses I received from my readers about that letter. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Most guys may keep track of how often they're having sex, although more likely it's how long since the last time, or maybe how many times a week. But this guy is an idiot for letting his wife know that he's tracking it, let alone that he has a goal of 100 times. Hopefully he's not procreating, just "recreating" in bed.

Abby, I thought you knew men better. "Fifty great versus 100 'so-so' times" -- are you kidding? Surely you know the saying, "Even bad sex is pretty good sex." We guys will take it any way, any how, anytime. For us, it's all good, all the time. -- DAN IN IRVING, TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: Unfortunately, my husband also likes to keep a running tab of our sexual frequency. It galls me.

I saw a movie years ago in which a couple saw the same therapist and one tells the counselor, "We never have sex! We only do it three times a week." While the other says, "We have sex all the time! We do it three times a week!"

We must consider the other person and his or her needs, whether they're emotional, sexual or physical. Emotional and physical are not necessarily the same. -- DENISE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR ABBY: For most men, sex is just a little less important than breathing and eating as essential to our existence. Men are getting fed up with being deprived. I have often considered extramarital sexual pursuits, and I feel I'd be justified in doing so. I know I'm not alone.

Men have needs, and should have a right to share intimate relations with their wives. If not, we should be given the green light to fulfill our needs elsewhere. -- JAMES IN KENTUCKY

DEAR ABBY: I had to chuckle at "Pressured." I have been married 20 years and have five children. I figure my husband and I are intimate an average of 260 times a year. Needless to say, my husband greets me with a smile every day, and our marriage is rock solid. -- KNOWS THE SECRET IN UTAH

DEAR ABBY: Coming out of an abusive relationship in the past, I made some poor decisions. I moved away from home and into pornography and prostitution. I come from a small town, and it became a big deal when it hit the Internet. Everyone in my generation back home knew what I did.

Years later, I'm back home. I have a wonderful husband and we're expecting our first child -- a girl. My husband loves and accepts me in spite of my past, and my mother has become my best friend. I love my life here. Nowhere else feels like home.

But I'm worried that my child's life could be miserable here because of my past. She will go to school with the children of people who know my history. No parent would want their child around me and -- by extension -- her. She may also learn the unsavory things I did.

I'm torn between moving away for her sake or staying. My parents are aging and have no one else to care for them. They can't follow me, but say I should do what is best for the baby. I hate the idea of deserting my parents when they need me. But I also hate that my child will be ostracized. Can you help? -- LOST IN THE SOUTH

DEAR LOST: For your child's sake, I think you should relocate. As I'm sure you have already realized, people can be cruel and they love to talk. When children overhear what is said over the back fence, they can be cruel, too, and I'd rather your daughter wasn't subjected to it. (This is not to imply that wherever you go, you might not encounter someone who recognizes you -- but the chances are less.)

You don't have to move right away. Take your time and scout out locations. Arrangements can be made for care if your parents need it. But your daughter's welfare must come first.

DEAR ABBY: When you go to the store for milk and eggs there is a "sell-by" date on the package. How long after that date is it safe to use them? -- WONDERING IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR WONDERING: According to Eatbydate.com, when it comes to milk, the length of time it lasts beyond the expiration date on the carton depends on what kind of milk it is. Lactose-free and non-fat milk last another seven to 10 days. Skim and reduced-fat milk, one week. Whole milk should last five to seven days. Of course, for this to happen, the milk must be stored properly, at a temperature at or below 40 degrees Fahrenheit.

The Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics states that eggs should be refrigerated at the time you buy them and as soon as possible upon your return home, and can be used up to three weeks after the sell-by date if they have been stored properly.