DEAR ABBY: I'm a 21-year-old man who has been a successful swimmer in high school and now in college. Over the past few months, I have become obsessed with developing six-pack abs. I have never had much success with women, and I thought that looking like a movie star might finally get me noticed and make me feel good about myself.

As a result, I have become obsessive about my diet. I have dropped 10 pounds, mostly muscle, and my performance in the pool has suffered. If I don't see perfect definition between every ab and don't exercise for at least 2 1/2 hours a day, I feel fat and guilty whenever I eat. I have awakened in the middle of the night worrying about what I'll eat the next day. I'm concerned for the future when my metabolism will inevitably slow down.

I have begun to think that death is a better scenario than being fat, or feeling that way. I want to be able to enjoy eating again and get my life back. I don't want to tell my parents or friends for fear of seeming weak-minded. Where can I go for help? -- FEELING LOST IN NEW MEXICO

DEAR FEELING LOST: Physical perfection is no guarantee that you'll find love. Liking yourself and accepting yourself for who you are is what attracts others.

Although "looking like a movie star" can be an asset -- depending upon who the movie star is -- unless you are secure about who you are and what you have to offer, you can't maintain a healthy relationship. (If you don't believe me, look at the tabloids and start counting how many movie star romances resemble a game of musical chairs.)

If you truly think that death might be preferable to being fat, then you are in trouble. You may have a serious eating disorder, one that could shorten your life. Most people who have an eating disorder need professional help to overcome it, so the place to go is to your student health center. Ask to speak with a mental health counselor about what you're doing and how you're feeling. It is important that you understand what has caused this so you can be successfully treated.

DEAR ABBY: My parents' 25th wedding anniversary is coming up. I thought it would be nice to have a dinner with the 12 to 14 people who were in their wedding party.

If I had it at a nice restaurant, would it be rude to ask them to pay their own way for dinner? I am only 21 and just graduated from college, so I can't manage it on my own. Any advice? -- SON OF "SILVER" PARENTS IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR SON: I think the sentiment is sweet, but if you are going to have this kind of an anniversary party for your parents, you should wait until you can afford to host it. For this one, invite your parents out for dinner, and give them the kind of party you're planning on their 30th.

DEAR ABBY: My husband's family are hypocrites! They talk about everyone and their problems, yet when something arises in their family, they want it kept hush-hush.

My sister-in-law, "Gina," had a baby recently. Her husband, "Allan," was suspicious because their sexual relations had stopped years ago. He did a store-bought DNA test (twice) and realized the baby was not his. When he confronted her, she wouldn't tell him who the father is, but said she had discussed the pregnancy with the father, and they had decided it would be best for her to raise the baby as her husband's.

Well, Allan and Gina are now being divorced, and he's having his name removed from the baby's birth certificate. Of course, everyone but me wants this to stay quiet. I want the wife of the man to know, and I want all the people my in-laws trash all the time to know!

Perhaps this seems mean, but dang it, why shouldn't everyone know that Gina isn't Miss Perfect? What do you think? -- TICKED OFF IN LOUISIANA

DEAR TICKED OFF: Please don't act on impulse. I think that as disgusted as you are with your in-laws, you should keep your mouth shut. If you spread this around, it could become the talk of the community and eventually embarrass the child, who is blameless in all this.

DEAR ABBY: I am a man who has recently fallen in love with a beautiful male-to-female transgender. She considers herself a woman, but on social media lists herself as male.

I am wondering whether I should consider myself gay, bisexual or straight? I always considered myself straight until recently. -- NO LONGER SURE IN TEXAS

DEAR NO LONGER SURE: Because the person presents herself to you as female, then you are a straight man who has fallen in love with a transgender woman. If you were attracted only to members of the same sex, then you would be a homosexual. People who are attracted to both men and women are bisexual.

DEAR ABBY: I use public transportation to commute to and from work. I use the time to read and unwind from my day. People often start talking to me, and I find myself trapped for the next 45 minutes listening to an unwelcome monologue about their lives. The fact that I have earplugs in and a book on my lap is no deterrent.

I don't want to be rude. What's the best way to tell someone I prefer to chill out and not listen to his/her ramblings? -- BOOKWORM IN CALGARY, CANADA

DEAR BOOKWORM: Smile at the person and say, "I need this time to catch up on my reading." That's asserting your right to privacy, and it's not rude.

DEAR ABBY: In short, my son is a klutz -- to the point that it affects his self-confidence. He's different from everyone else in the family.

Is being a klutz genetic? Is it permanent? He's not doing well academically, either. How can I help him? -- PARENT WHO CARES

DEAR PARENT: One way to help your son would be to stop other family members from making fun of him and labeling him as a klutz. When people laugh and ridicule others, it makes them only more self-conscious and more clumsy.

Another way to help would be to have him examined by an ophthalmologist and a neurologist. His problem may be poor depth perception or a neurological or balance issue. And while you're at it, consider having him evaluated for a learning disability, which may be the cause of his academic difficulties.

DEAR ABBY: I have a pet peeve. I hate it when people ask to "try my meal" or to have a taste, especially when I haven't had one myself. When I say no, my boyfriend calls me selfish. If we're with friends, I feel obligated to say yes to avoid appearing rude.

I seldom trade bites with my boyfriend because I don't eat meat and he usually orders something I don't want. Some nights we cook our own separate meals, and he still asks to try mine (even though he's a better cook than I am).

Abby, how can I say no without looking or feeling selfish and rude? I just want to enjoy my entire meal without hearing, "Can I have a bite?" -- PET PEEVE IN PORTLAND

DEAR PET PEEVE: Many people regard sharing food to be an act of intimacy. Because it makes you uncomfortable, all you have to do is say, "I'd prefer not to." If these folks are friends, they must know how you feel about this by now. And as for your boyfriend, I can't help but wonder why he would persist in doing something that he knows annoys you unless he's doing it to tease you.

DEAR ABBY: Are night owls born or raised to stay up late? Can a night owl successfully become a morning lark? -- TIRED NIGHT OWL IN OTTAWA

DEAR TIRED NIGHT OWL: Night owls are usually born that way, but the pattern can be changed. If it creates problems for you, you may have a condition called "delayed sleep phase disorder." The most effective way to find out if this is your problem would be to consult a sleep (disorder) specialist. Therapies are available, and a specialist can help you determine which one would be the best for you.