DEAR READERS: On April 11, I printed a letter from "Wondering in Washington," a man asking why young men in general today have the attitude that "any money I earn is mine" in a marriage or live-in situation. He said when he married, he and his wife considered what they earned to be "theirs" -- not his or hers. When I asked my "younger readers" to chime in, I was inundated. Some excerpts:

DEAR ABBY: My husband was 26 and I was 24 when we got married. To me, how young couples handle money says a lot about their attitude toward marriage.

My mother always said, "If you can't trust a man with your money, why would you trust him with your heart?" I kept that in mind when I was dating, so when my boyfriend and I married, we didn't have serious underlying issues like addiction, compulsive spending, etc. -- MOM OF 2 IN SEATTLE

DEAR ABBY: My first husband controlled all the money, my pay and his. He bought what he wanted, but didn't always pay the mortgage or utilities.

In my second marriage, my money is my money and his money is his. If I earn 60 percent of the income, I pay 60 percent of the shared bills. Whatever is left is up to my own discretion to spend, and the same goes for his paycheck. -- LEARNED MY LESSON IN FLORIDA

DEAR ABBY: I'm a man in my mid-30s; my wife is in her mid-20s. Many of our friends keep their finances separate, and the reason usually involves hearing their parents argue over money. What I find interesting is that the wife usually came up with the idea.

I believe the separation of incomes starts with young women embracing messages of empowerment they heard growing up and applying them not only to the workplace, but home, as well -- plus a healthy dose of entitlement that seems common to their generation. -- JUST SAYING, IN WISCONSIN

DEAR ABBY: Male reader here. Gone are the days of the stay-at-home wife who takes care of the house and raises the children. I'm as guilty of those preconceptions as anyone. I thought marriage meant being totally devoted to your spouse and you discussed everything.

I now believe both parties in a relationship have financial responsibilities to the other. In my first marriage, the majority of financial responsibilities fell on me. The financial obligations in my second marriage are different. We have a separate maintenance agreement. I pay only part of our living expenses. I can spend whatever I want, when I want, on whatever I want. This has prevented many disagreements.

I think the way to handle finances in a relationship is a rock-solid legal agreement and a lot of premarital counseling. Then there are no surprises. -- J.G. IN TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: I'm 32, recently married. I earn more than my husband, and I'm better at managing money.

We plan to set up a joint account for household expenses, joint vacations, etc., and maintain individual accounts for whatever money is left. That way, we have a certain amount of independence and freedom.

We don't consider our relationship to be disposable. But when you grow up like we did and don't marry until your 30s, you live a considerable amount of your life independently. We are happy with this arrangement. -- MODERN MARRIAGE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR ABBY: I am a young woman hoping to find "The One." But I have come to realize that I'm not the normal female. I don't get manicures or go shopping. (I hate shopping!) When I meet a guy, he likes that I'm "me," but if we get serious, then I'm either "too independent," "too outspoken" or "not girly enough."

I don't want to change myself or pretend to be someone I'm not. One minute they like that I'm independent and can fend for myself; the next they don't like that I don't depend on them to pay bills, etc.

Why is it always a double standard? Men like strong women until they are with one. Then they can't handle it. Maybe I'm too much for the men where I live. Is it possible for me to find someone? -- INDEPENDENT FEMALE IN LOUISIANA

DEAR INDEPENDENT FEMALE: Welcome to the wonderful world of dating. While some may think of dating as a popularity contest, it's really more like sifting for a gold nugget. It takes a lot of people years to strike gold -- and it's the same with dating. Is it possible to find someone? Absolutely! But it takes time, stamina and a sense of humor to survive the process.

DEAR ABBY: I had a baby girl a month ago and I live with my in-laws. My husband isn't here right now because of his job.

They are great and very helpful, but I never have any private time with my daughter. Every time she cries, my sisters-in-law pick her up. When she wants to sleep, they always take her away from me to put her to sleep. Even when I breastfeed, they are always in the room with me.

I can't seem to tell them no or ask them to get out of the room. I mean, they are very helpful, and they are leaving in a month for another country, so I understand they want to be with her as much as they can. However, I would still like some time alone with my daughter. Advice? -- NEW AT THIS IN HOUSTON

DEAR NEW AT THIS: As a mother, it's up to you to assert yourself and do what is right for your baby. Find the courage to tell your in-laws that you are grateful for their assistance but want privacy when you nurse the baby. It is important that your daughter bond with you, and if your sisters-in-law are always tending to her needs, it may be more difficult for you when they leave. I'm sure your pediatrician would back you up.

DEAR ABBY: Would it be OK for an 80-year-old man to take a 50-year-old woman to supper? We often talk together at church. -- LOU IN WISCONSIN

DEAR LOU: Only if she says yes.

DEAR ABBY: I am, once again, faced with my annual dilemma. I cannot tolerate heat and humidity. I become short of breath, my heart pounds and I perspire profusely. I recover immediately if I go into an air-conditioned area.

I have discussed this with doctors. They attribute it to my "thermostat" and the fact that I am a very fair-skinned redhead. My mother had the same problem.

Of course, I stay in air-conditioned places. The problem arises when we're invited to cookouts or to the home of someone whose place isn't air-conditioned. I don't know how to explain that I simply cannot come.

I am forever trying to think of excuses to get out of invitations. I feel bad because the problem is mine and I can't control it. Even people who know about it don't understand the extent of it. Do you have any thoughts on how to handle this with tact? -- HOT AND BOTHERED IN NEW YORK

DEAR HOT AND BOTHERED: Yes, I do. Tell these people the truth. If they're your friends, they will understand.

DEAR ABBY: My husband drives the car with his knees while shaving, drinking coffee, brushing his teeth, talking on the cell and using one hand to steer. When I complain, he makes fun of me and says, "Those that can, do."

I am in the shotgun/passenger seat and would prefer death to being paralyzed in an accident he causes. When I see him with coffee headed to the car, I insist on driving, but sometimes I don't catch him in time.

We have been married for 30 years, and I know he loves me and isn't trying to kill me. He reads your column, so maybe you can help me get through to him. -- CRINGING IN LONG BRANCH, N.J.

DEAR CRINGING: What your risk-loving husband is doing falls under the category of "distracted driving." Eating, drinking, grooming and using a handheld cellphone are against the law in some states -- including yours -- because folks who steer with their knees and use their rearview mirror to shave, practice dental hygiene or apply makeup have been known to cause serious accidents.

Since you haven't been able to get through to your husband, hang onto the car keys or insist that he finish with his "activities" before starting the ignition. And if he won't cooperate, for your own safety, get out of the car and arrange for other transportation.

CONFIDENTIAL TO 'DISAPPOINTED IN ALBUQUERQUE': Do not give up on your dream to be of service to others. It may not have come to fruition yet, but it may happen. There is truth to the wonderful line uttered by Martin Luther King Jr.: "We must accept finite disappointment, but never lose infinite hope."