DEAR ABBY: Help! My daughter just turned 13, and I need to discuss the facts of life with her. I don't know where to start.

My mom told me absolutely nothing, and I know my daughter needs to be educated in a simple but very understandable way -- especially in these times. Do you still have your booklet that gives teens answers to questions on sex? I need ideas on how to approach this. -- NERVOUS MOM IN ILLINOIS

DEAR NERVOUS MOM: Because many parents find the subject of sex embarrassing, they postpone discussing it with their children. When "the talk" finally happens, it is often too late. Their child's head is filled with information received from contemporaries, and often what they've heard is inaccurate.

Today, children are maturing years earlier than they did a generation ago. It's not unusual to hear about teens engaging in adult activities at much younger ages than teens of earlier generations. That is why it's so important for parents (and guardians) to begin discussions about alcohol, drugs and family values well before their children start experimenting. My booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know," was written to help parents break the ice and get the conversation going. It can be ordered by sending your name and address plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to Dear Abby Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. You should review it before starting the discussion so you can prepare beforehand to answer questions or guide the conversation. My booklet provides answers to frequently asked questions, such as: How old must a girl be before she can get pregnant? Can she get pregnant the first time she has sex? What time of the month is a girl 100 percent safe? How old must a boy be before he can father a child?

Another important topic is how to avoid date rape and what to do if it happens. Included is information on contraception and sexually transmitted diseases (and how to recognize them). My booklet has been distributed in doctors' offices and used to promote discussion by educators and religious leaders, as well as parents like you who find it difficult to discuss these topics with their children.

DEAR ABBY: I recently started a summer job in the fitting room of a clothing store. Customers often ask me what I think about their outfits, and the most common question is, "Does this make me look fat?" How do I answer if the outfit does make the woman look fat? These women want honesty, but how do I avoid sounding rude? -- CONFLICTED IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR CONFLICTED: Try this: "The color is great on you. Let's get it in another size and it'll be perfect. Sometimes garments have been mismarked." (It's true.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a mother of four. My oldest son, "Jeff," is from a previous marriage. My ex was convicted of child molestation, involving his daughter from a previous relationship.

Jeff is now 11. He has had very few unsupervised visitations with his dad over the last few years and is always talking about how great a guy he is. I have tried to explain that his father has done "inappropriate things" that got him in trouble with the law, which is why he can't have contact with his sister.

Instead of trusting my judgment for having moved several states away, Jeff always tells me about how he wants to go live with his dad when he's 18. Being "Big Bad Mama" is no fun. The once-a-year gifts from his father trump any nice things my husband or I provide for Jeff. How can I explain to my son that I am only looking out for his best interests, and that he will never live with his dad? -- BIG BAD MAMA IN GEORGIA

DEAR MAMA: I don't know how mature your son is, but most 11-year-old boys idolize their fathers. Jeff has his father on a pedestal because he sees him only rarely, and has no concept of what the reality of living with him would be.

At some point your son will need to know exactly what his father did that got him into trouble -- without your glossing over it using the vague description of "inappropriate behavior." When that conversation happens, he should already understand the concept of boundaries and what taking advantage of a child really means.

If I were in your position, I would consult a licensed psychotherapist or social worker for input before trying to explain this to Jeff, because the news is going to be shocking. However, if your son still wants to live with his birth father when he's 18, I don't think there is anything you can do to prevent it.

DEAR ABBY: I raised my children to stay with me when we were in a store. They didn't touch things displayed on the shelves because the items were not theirs and we weren't going to purchase them. We didn't have cellphones when my children grew up. However, even now I never remove mine from my purse while I'm in a store.

Is there a nice way to tell other shoppers to put their phones away and pay attention to their children while shopping, and suggest that it might not be safe for their kids to run through the aisles or roll canned goods down them? I am not sure about their children's safety, but I'm positive it isn't safe for me when their children are acting this way. -- MEME IN THE WEST

DEAR MEME: No, I don't think there is. You appear to be part of a generation that had the time (or took the time) to teach these things to their kids.

I agree that children should be taught to respect the property of others and to ask before touching it. I also agree that leaving items in an aisle could be dangerous to shoppers whose attention may be fixed on the store shelves instead of the floor.

But because so many parents today seem to have "forgotten" to convey these important lessons, then caveat emptor -- but in this case, let the shopper beware.

DEAR ABBY: We were visiting my daughter and her husband when their 3-year-old, "Bethany," entered our room and rummaged through our medications. The door to the guest room was closed and the medications had been placed on a desk. Of course, everyone thought she had ingested some, so they rushed her to the ER. We were fortunate that nothing was found in her system.

My son-in-law thinks we should help pay the medical bills. I have sent several hundred dollars, but he is asking for more.

Bethany is an only child, and they allow her free reign of the house. I have other grandchildren who are even younger, and none of them would dream of touching something that wasn't theirs.

It has been almost a year since the incident, and they still haven't taught her to respect and leave things alone that are not hers. My daughter is a professional and her husband works from home, which concerns me because he isn't as strict as I feel is necessary.

Are we obligated to help with more of her medical expenses? I don't think so because we have already helped, and I don't think it's our job to teach our grandchild boundaries. -- OHIO GRANDMA

DEAR OHIO GRANDMA: That must have been some hefty emergency room bill! Obviously, closing the guest room door was not enough to deter your granddaughter. In hindsight, you now know that you should keep anything you don't want her to get into locked in your suitcase. But you and your husband are not mind readers.

If this wasn't a wake-up call to your daughter and son-in-law that it was time to teach their child the meaning of "No!" and "Don't touch!" then I don't know what it will take to prevent another "oops!" As to your shelling out more money than you already have for Bethany's medical bills, I think you have given enough, and you should not be blamed for what happened.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend told me several months ago that she needed to make new friends. When I gave her a surprised look, her response was, "No, you took that the wrong way." I left it at that.

She recently mentioned that she was going to invite several of our neighbors over for cocktails and a light dinner, but she did not invite me. The evening of the event, while her guests were still there, she phoned me. She said they were finished with dinner and asked if I wanted to walk over and get some leftovers. I politely declined, saying I wasn't dressed.

Abby, I'm shocked that she would ask me to come over to, basically, get a takeout plate. Your thoughts? -- NO TAKEOUT FOR ME

DEAR NO TAKEOUT: I think what the woman did was insensitive, and that it's time you, too, started making some new friends. Considering how this one treated you, it certainly couldn't hurt.