life

Husband's Money Management Has Put Marriage in the Red

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 13th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for 19 years. We have had our ups and downs, but the last few months have been hell. My husband lies about having paid bills. When I ask, "Have you paid the rent?" I mean "in full," not a partial payment. We have now been evicted for nonpayment of rent and are living in a hotel. Utilities have been cut off because of his partial payments and his lying about their having been paid in full, and I'm tired of it.

It's not just the two of us who have been affected because of his mismanagement of money, but also our two children who are caught up in this mess. I'm not one of those wives who sit around not knowing what's going on with the finances. I have bills I pay for the house, too, and after they are paid I give him money to pay other bills.

I am sick and tired, Abby, and I want to divorce him. What other choice do I have? The "for richer or poorer" thing is no longer working for me. How much should a person tolerate before walking away from marriage? -- HAD ENOUGH IN TENNESSEE

DEAR HAD ENOUGH: You say this has been going on for a few months. Where is the money going that isn't being spent on bills? You say you give your husband money. Is he bringing in any, or is he jobless? Before you decide to walk away, you need to understand why it is that your husband has been lying to you, particularly if this is recent behavior.

If you are better at handling money than he is, then you should be handling the finances and paying all of the bills. That would be a solution to your money troubles. But reading between the lines of your letter, it appears there may be a lot more going on between you and your husband than you have disclosed. And if that's the case, I'd recommend marriage counseling before I'd recommend divorce.

Marriage & DivorceMoney
life

Bathroom Door Etiquette Has An Open-And-Shut Solution

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 13th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: When I was a child, my mother always told me to close the bathroom door after using the toilet so as not to allow any offensive odors to escape.

I'm an adult now, have a nice home and entertain often. I am dismayed that most of my guests leave the bathroom door wide open after each use. It is particularly offensive because of the close proximity of the powder room to the dining room. Like the habit of men forgetting to put the toilet seat down, I find this "open door" policy both disgusting and inexcusable.

Would you kindly advise whether my mother was correct, or am I being too sensitive? I'll post your answer on the door of my guest bathroom for my guests to see. -- GROSSED OUT, CARMEL VALLEY, CALIF.

DEAR GROSSED OUT: While it would be hard to argue in favor of offensive fumes wafting into a hallway, not everyone feels as strongly as you and your mother do on this subject. Your guests may be leaving the door open so other guests will know the bathroom is unoccupied.

Because you prefer for it to be shut at all times, rather than post a letter from me on the door, consider installing an automatic spring closer on it, or post a small sign that reads, "Please Shut Door When Leaving."

Etiquette & Ethics
life

Young Teen Is Mocked for Not Wanting to Date

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 12th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 14-year-old girl in middle school. I have never seriously dated anyone, and the one time I did I felt trapped. My friends think it's weird that I have never dated a guy and they call me a lesbian. I just want to finish my schoolwork and wait until high school to start dating. I don't want to feel weighed down by anyone. Is there something wrong with me? -- CONFUSED IN S. CAROLINA

DEAR CONFUSED: Something wrong with you? Good grief, no! In fact, I would go so far as to say there is something right with you. Not every teen -- and that goes for boys, too -- feels ready to date at 14.

It makes me angry that your "friends" would call you something you're not just because you're not doing what they're doing. If it persists, your parents should talk to the school about it. Preferring to concentrate on your studies and waiting until high school to date is nothing to be ashamed of -- it's something to be proud of.

Love & DatingTeens
life

Heated Discussion In The Dining Room Follows Fire In The Kitchen

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 12th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I attended a friend's birthday celebration a few weeks ago at a chic restaurant. After our entrees were ordered and the appetizers served, the restaurant's fire alarm sounded and the dining room was evacuated. For 20 minutes all of the patrons waited patiently outside while the fire department was summoned. We learned from another guest that there had been a small fire in the kitchen.

When we returned to the dining room, a heated debate ensued among the guests. One person said that because the fire alarm had interrupted our meal, the lunch should be complimentary. Others insisted the restaurant owed us nothing beyond an apology. We paid our bill, but the question remains: Should the management have shown some consideration for the inconvenience we experienced? -- FOUR-ALARM FRAZZLED

DEAR FRAZZLED: I took your question to Craig Susser, owner of the successful Craig's restaurant in West Hollywood, California. He agreed with me that the restaurant owner should have shown appreciation for the patience that was exhibited by the patrons.

While Craig said he wouldn't have paid for the entire meal for everyone who was dining there that day, he certainly would have made some adjustment to the bill to compensate them for their inconvenience. "After all, we're in it together," he added. And that gracious attitude is why he has one of the most popular dining establishments in L.A.

Etiquette & EthicsMoney
life

Marriage Is A Team Sport

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 12th, 2014 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: What are your thoughts on marriage? Is it an antiquated practice? I don't know if I really want it, or just because society and social media deem it important. -- CINDY VIA TWITTER

DEAR CINDY: I don't consider marriage to be an antiquated practice at all. In a sense, marriage is a "team sport." It won't succeed unless the team members are dedicated to a common goal and are willing to sacrifice selfish needs to achieve it.

In my opinion, the reason so many marriages fail is that individuals go into it for the wrong reasons. No one should marry because "society" and "social media" deem it important. When you meet the right person, you won't be ambivalent about spending your life and creating a family with that individual.

Marriage & Divorce
life

Child Still Resents Parents Who Skipped Graduation

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 11th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: When I was a child, my parents skipped my elementary school graduation. For that matter, everyone did. My grandfather had just died, so Mom was mourning his loss. Fast-forward a few years -- nobody attended my junior high graduation, either. Granted, Mom had a couple of stitches in her nose because my brother had accidentally hit her with a golf club the week before.

Well, my younger siblings just graduated from elementary school, and my parents have again skipped the event due to their work schedules. A mix of emotions is resurfacing for me. I'm angry and frustrated. I'm 26 now, and a long time has passed since they disappointed me, but I guess I haven't ever truly forgiven them for missing those events. After all, these are once-in-a-lifetime milestones for a child, right?

Am I justified in feeling anger toward my parents for deciding to miss not only my graduations, but also those of my younger siblings? Should I talk to them or let it go? What can I do? -- RELIVING IT IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR RELIVING IT: How has your relationship with your parents been otherwise? If they have always been loving and supportive in other ways, then perhaps you shouldn't be so hard on them. When I was young, there were high school and college graduation ceremonies with cap, gown and diploma, but none for children leaving elementary school or junior high. At most, the event might be celebrated by going out for a family dinner.

Frankly, I think that multiple graduation ceremonies -- while they may make cute photo-ops -- dilute the importance of the one from high school. If you want to "do something," rather than vent your anger at your parents, it would be more constructive if you made a point of attending your siblings' graduations in the future.

Family & Parenting
life

Couple Can't Resolve Disagreement In The Kitchen

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 11th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm hoping you can resolve a disagreement between my wife and me. She insists on placing knives in the drying rack with the sharp ends pointing up. I insist this is a safety issue and the knives should be placed pointing down (or dried immediately). My wife counters that this will dull the points and that drying with a towel will dull the blades. I know it sounds trivial, but we argue about it every day. Can you help resolve our disagreement? -- LOOKING FOR RESOLUTION

DEAR LOOKING: Please stop arguing. I think the solution would be for your wife to be the person who puts the knives away.

Health & Safety
life

Skinny Jeans: A Fashion Faux Pas?

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 11th, 2014 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: After some extensive traveling, I have to ask -- who on earth told people they look good in skinny jeans? -- O.M.G! IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR O.M.G.!: The salesperson.

Subscribe

Receive Dear Abby Free Every Day


Next up: More trusted advice from...

  • Barely Remembered
  • Walking in the Snow
  • Complimenting Strangers
  • Toy Around
  • A Clean Getaway
  • Patio Appeal
  • Easily Discouraged Son Gives Up on Resolutions and Goals
  • Grandpa Buckles at Preschool Drop-Offs
  • Downsizers Dispose of Treasured Heirlooms
UExpressLifeParentingHomePetsHealthAstrologyOdditiesA-Z
AboutContactSubmissionsTerms of ServicePrivacy Policy
©2023 Andrews McMeel Universal