life

Young Teen Is Mocked for Not Wanting to Date

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 12th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 14-year-old girl in middle school. I have never seriously dated anyone, and the one time I did I felt trapped. My friends think it's weird that I have never dated a guy and they call me a lesbian. I just want to finish my schoolwork and wait until high school to start dating. I don't want to feel weighed down by anyone. Is there something wrong with me? -- CONFUSED IN S. CAROLINA

DEAR CONFUSED: Something wrong with you? Good grief, no! In fact, I would go so far as to say there is something right with you. Not every teen -- and that goes for boys, too -- feels ready to date at 14.

It makes me angry that your "friends" would call you something you're not just because you're not doing what they're doing. If it persists, your parents should talk to the school about it. Preferring to concentrate on your studies and waiting until high school to date is nothing to be ashamed of -- it's something to be proud of.

Love & DatingTeens
life

Heated Discussion In The Dining Room Follows Fire In The Kitchen

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 12th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I attended a friend's birthday celebration a few weeks ago at a chic restaurant. After our entrees were ordered and the appetizers served, the restaurant's fire alarm sounded and the dining room was evacuated. For 20 minutes all of the patrons waited patiently outside while the fire department was summoned. We learned from another guest that there had been a small fire in the kitchen.

When we returned to the dining room, a heated debate ensued among the guests. One person said that because the fire alarm had interrupted our meal, the lunch should be complimentary. Others insisted the restaurant owed us nothing beyond an apology. We paid our bill, but the question remains: Should the management have shown some consideration for the inconvenience we experienced? -- FOUR-ALARM FRAZZLED

DEAR FRAZZLED: I took your question to Craig Susser, owner of the successful Craig's restaurant in West Hollywood, California. He agreed with me that the restaurant owner should have shown appreciation for the patience that was exhibited by the patrons.

While Craig said he wouldn't have paid for the entire meal for everyone who was dining there that day, he certainly would have made some adjustment to the bill to compensate them for their inconvenience. "After all, we're in it together," he added. And that gracious attitude is why he has one of the most popular dining establishments in L.A.

Etiquette & EthicsMoney
life

Marriage Is A Team Sport

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 12th, 2014 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: What are your thoughts on marriage? Is it an antiquated practice? I don't know if I really want it, or just because society and social media deem it important. -- CINDY VIA TWITTER

DEAR CINDY: I don't consider marriage to be an antiquated practice at all. In a sense, marriage is a "team sport." It won't succeed unless the team members are dedicated to a common goal and are willing to sacrifice selfish needs to achieve it.

In my opinion, the reason so many marriages fail is that individuals go into it for the wrong reasons. No one should marry because "society" and "social media" deem it important. When you meet the right person, you won't be ambivalent about spending your life and creating a family with that individual.

Marriage & Divorce
life

Child Still Resents Parents Who Skipped Graduation

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 11th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: When I was a child, my parents skipped my elementary school graduation. For that matter, everyone did. My grandfather had just died, so Mom was mourning his loss. Fast-forward a few years -- nobody attended my junior high graduation, either. Granted, Mom had a couple of stitches in her nose because my brother had accidentally hit her with a golf club the week before.

Well, my younger siblings just graduated from elementary school, and my parents have again skipped the event due to their work schedules. A mix of emotions is resurfacing for me. I'm angry and frustrated. I'm 26 now, and a long time has passed since they disappointed me, but I guess I haven't ever truly forgiven them for missing those events. After all, these are once-in-a-lifetime milestones for a child, right?

Am I justified in feeling anger toward my parents for deciding to miss not only my graduations, but also those of my younger siblings? Should I talk to them or let it go? What can I do? -- RELIVING IT IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR RELIVING IT: How has your relationship with your parents been otherwise? If they have always been loving and supportive in other ways, then perhaps you shouldn't be so hard on them. When I was young, there were high school and college graduation ceremonies with cap, gown and diploma, but none for children leaving elementary school or junior high. At most, the event might be celebrated by going out for a family dinner.

Frankly, I think that multiple graduation ceremonies -- while they may make cute photo-ops -- dilute the importance of the one from high school. If you want to "do something," rather than vent your anger at your parents, it would be more constructive if you made a point of attending your siblings' graduations in the future.

Family & Parenting
life

Couple Can't Resolve Disagreement In The Kitchen

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 11th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm hoping you can resolve a disagreement between my wife and me. She insists on placing knives in the drying rack with the sharp ends pointing up. I insist this is a safety issue and the knives should be placed pointing down (or dried immediately). My wife counters that this will dull the points and that drying with a towel will dull the blades. I know it sounds trivial, but we argue about it every day. Can you help resolve our disagreement? -- LOOKING FOR RESOLUTION

DEAR LOOKING: Please stop arguing. I think the solution would be for your wife to be the person who puts the knives away.

Health & Safety
life

Skinny Jeans: A Fashion Faux Pas?

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 11th, 2014 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: After some extensive traveling, I have to ask -- who on earth told people they look good in skinny jeans? -- O.M.G! IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR O.M.G.!: The salesperson.

life

Woman Thinks Bride-to-Be's Friendship Isn't Worth the Cost

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 10th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My best friend is getting married and asked me to be her maid of honor. She has also asked me to buy an expensive dress, host a lavish shower I'm afraid I can't afford and plan a destination bachelorette party. The cost will be exorbitant.

On top of this, she has asked me to be her "cover" when she lies to her fiance about where she is. She has admitted to me that she has cheated on him, and I think she's doing it again.

I know it's not my place to question her or tell her what to do, but this has made me hesitant to commit financially to her wedding. Should I talk to her about this? I don't want to lose my best friend, but I also don't want to put my money on the line for someone who isn't being honest. -- DRAGGING MY HEELS IN NEW YORK

DEAR DRAGGING YOUR HEELS: Do not question your friend or tell her what to do, but do convey to her that you can't function as her maid of honor because you can't afford the cost. And the next time she asks you to cover for her, tell her you no longer want to be a party to deceiving her fiance because you're having trouble looking him in the eye.

Your best friend sounds like a piece of work, and if it costs you the friendship you won't have lost much. This girl lacks both judgment and character, and you'll be better off to distance yourself. Both of you should mingle with people with whom you have more in common.

MoneyFriends & Neighbors
life

Regret Over Past Choices Clouds Woman's Hope For The Future

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 10th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I don't know where to start so I will just plunge in: I have five kids by five different men. I am not a terrible person. I have a job, take care of my babies and am working toward a degree. But sometimes I feel like the ultimate loser. I get judged all the time. I'm so ashamed of the choices I have made in life. Will it ever be better? -- 5 KIDS, 5 DADS IN OREGON

DEAR 5-5: You will see an improvement as soon as you stop beating yourself up over the choices you have made. No one can change the past. All we can do is learn from our mistakes and make a conscious decision not to repeat them. And as to those who judge you, they should judge not, lest they, too, be judged.

Mental HealthFamily & Parenting
life

Wife Wants Man To Keep His Distance When He's Battling A Bug

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | July 10th, 2014 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My husband thinks we should snuggle up and sleep together even when we're sick. I think it's common courtesy to keep a respectable distance from loved ones and to clean up after yourself when you have a "bug" that is communicable. I need to stay as healthy as possible to keep up with the needs of our child, the housework and my job while my husband is sick. Your thoughts? -- MARRIED TO A MAN-CHILD WHO NEEDS A MOMMY

DEAR MARRIED TO A MAN-CHILD: Your husband may think I'm heartless, but I agree with you. While he may "need" you emotionally, his rational self should accept that with a child in the house and the demands of your job, you need to stay well and functional.

His tissues, meds and a pitcher of water should be by the bed. There should be a wastebasket for his tissues. He should wash his hands before touching anything, and you should use hand sanitizer liberally. You should sleep elsewhere. The "cuddling" can wait until he's no longer contagious.

P.S. And don't forget to sympathize.

Health & SafetyMarriage & Divorce

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