life

Let Freedom Ring From Coast to Coast This Fourth of July

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 30th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: At 2 p.m., July Fourth, I would love nothing better than for all Americans to stop briefly and give our country a ring ... well, THREE rings to be exact.

On July 4, 1963, President John F. Kennedy proclaimed the ringing of bells nationwide with the words, "Let's ring freedom bells!" I was a White House aide then, and I vividly recall how exciting it was when bells rang across the nation coast to coast. Since then, many Americans have forgotten to keep the tradition going. Let's start again!

From one American to another, I ask all citizens to help me revive the ringing of bells at 2 p.m. this July Fourth in celebration of the adoption of the Declaration of Independence. It's easy. Ring a bell, shake your keys, tap a glass or find a bell-ringing app on your smartphone. It will give our country a much-needed sense of unity and connection to our past as one nation, one people.

The Ironworkers, Sheet Metal Workers and Firefighters International Unions of the AFL-CIO, The National Cartoonists Society and Malmark Inc. have joined with No Greater Love in this special celebration of our freedom and the guardians who protect us -- our troops, firefighters and police.

Please, Abby, make your millions of readers aware of this effort. As inscribed on the Liberty Bell, "Let us proclaim liberty throughout the land unto all the inhabitants thereof." -- CARMELLA LASPADA, FOUNDER, NO GREATER LOVE

DEAR CARMELLA: I'm glad to help. I agree that shared traditions are the glue that binds us together as a nation. So readers, on July Fourth, take a moment to quietly reflect on what this holiday is all about. Then make a joyful noise and thank God for his blessings on our country and the freedoms we enjoy today. That's the American spirit!

Friends & NeighborsHolidays & Celebrations
life

Free-spending fiancee keeps credit card charges to herself

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 30th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My fiancee and I share a credit card that was opened under my name. I use it for gas and household or family needs. She uses it for personal things such as buying dolls for her collection.

I was informed that I will no longer be able to use the card after the last statement we got. (I had spent more than $100 on gas for the month.) I feel I am using the card for the purpose for which it was intended. Buying things that aren't for the family but for her personal enjoyment wasn't our agreement.

I'm not sure how to approach her about this without it becoming an argument. She has a spending problem.

I recently found a job, so I contribute financially to the household. This is something that has been thrown in my face every time we talk about money. I want to see the statement so I can compare who spent how much on what, but when I ask to see it, she gets defensive. -- IN THE DARK IN MICHIGAN

DEAR IN THE DARK: If the credit card is in your name, then you are responsible for anything that is purchased with it. The statements are addressed to you, and you have a right to see them. That your fiancee is refusing to show them to you is a sure sign that she has something to hide.

That's why you must take the card away from her to ensure that she isn't putting you into a financial hole you won't be able to dig yourself out of. And because the lady can't seem to control her spending, I'm urging you to think long and hard before marrying her, because after you do, you will be responsible for her debts.

Marriage & DivorceMoney
life

Mother Tells Son's Wife to Get Lost During Visit

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 29th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I recently took my children to spend a week with my mother-in-law, "Bea." Three days after we arrived, my husband flew in to join us. The next day, Bea handed me a hotel room key and told me to take as many of the children as I wanted, but I could not take my husband because she never gets to spend time with him!

I told Bea I was offended, and that I should not have been invited if it wasn't a "family" trip. As I was packing to leave, my mother-in-law left and spent the rest of our visit in the hotel herself while my family and I stayed at her home.

My husband has now told me that I will not be "allowed" to visit her again, and when she visits us next, it will be just him and the kids because I make his mother "uncomfortable." Must I stay away as he says, or should I pursue keeping myself included when they visit my mother-in-law? -- MOM OF FOUR IN MARYLAND

DEAR MOM OF FOUR: Did this happen out of the blue, or have you always had a strained relationship with your husband's mother? (I'm guessing it's the latter.) If so, why?

If the genesis of this is something you have said or done, and you can't mend fences, then perhaps it would be better if you made other plans while Bea visits. If it isn't, then face it: You married a mama's boy, and for that you have my sympathy.

Were I in your shoes, rather than inflict my presence on "Queen Bea," I'd grab the chance to treat myself to a well-earned vacation when the "lady" is in town -- and ditto when your husband and the kids go to visit Granny. Check into a spa and let yourself have a good time!

Family & Parenting
life

Teen Good at Sports Gets No Cheers From Mom

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 29th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 13-year old boy who loves to play baseball and football. Because of my hard work and dedication over the years, along with the help of my coaches and my dad, I'm pretty good at both sports.

The issue is, my mom does not support me and repeatedly tells me I'm not good at either one. When she says it, it cuts my heart out.

My parents have been divorced since I was 2, and Dad has always done everything for me. Even though he gives me encouragement, it still stings when Mom tells me I'm not good. She constantly says negative and bad things about my dad that I know are not true, but when I defend him she goes crazy with rage. What can I do to get her to stop being so negative? -- VERY DISCOURAGED IN TEXAS

DEAR VERY DISCOURAGED: Your letter made me sad because there is nothing you can do to make your mother change her attitude. She appears to be an angry and unhappy person, who may perceive your closeness with your father as a threat to her. What you CAN do is stop placing so much importance on receiving her approval. If your coach thinks you're doing well, and these sports bring you a sense of closeness with your father, then you should enjoy them for those reasons.

Family & ParentingMarriage & DivorceTeensAbuse
life

Family's Hard Times Knock Teen Off Track for Diploma

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 28th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I'm 17 and a junior in high school. My family has recently been hit with hard times. We lost our home and are living in a motel, and I am struggling with depression. I haven't attended school since last September. However, I am feeling well enough to the point where I'd like to start attending school again.

I would be willing to take more than six periods and, if necessary, I would be willing to attend summer school. I want to graduate from high school, but I don't know if that's possible.

My mother has never been OK with any decisions I have made, so I don't know how to tell her. I don't want to disappoint her, but I do want to do this. Any advice you are willing to give would be appreciated! -- ANONYMOUS GIRL

DEAR GIRL: You are clearly an intelligent young woman, and your determination to finish school is something that should be supported by all of the adults in your life. If possible, go back to the school you were attending and talk with a counselor or the principal about your family's circumstances -- including your struggle with depression. Whether you can resume studies at your former school may depend upon whether the motel you're staying in is within the district. But a counselor should be able to help you to transfer if that becomes necessary.

I wish you the best of luck. Your mother should be proud of you because I certainly am.

TeensFamily & ParentingMental HealthMoney
life

Expecting Mother Seeks Kind Way to Refuse Hand-Me-Downs

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 28th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am pregnant with my third child. There has been a large gap between baby No. 2 and baby No. 3. With my second child, my husband and I were just starting out and used hand-me-downs. But now we are established and can purchase items to suit our preferences.

Many well-meaning family members and friends have started inundating us with hand-me-downs (some ask first; others are just dropping things off). I really don't want any of these items. However, I don't want to seem ungrateful or rude because the well-wishers seem so excited to give me these things. The way I was raised, I have a hard time turning down offers such as these. How do I kindly tell these people I don't want their hand-me-downs? -- CONFLICTED IN PHILLY

DEAR CONFLICTED: Thank the donors warmly for their thoughtfulness and generosity, and say you already have all the things you need for the new baby. It is not necessary to allude to the fact they are "hand-me-downs." If the person insists on giving them to you anyway, donate them to a charity such as a homeless shelter. (Warning: To avoid possible hurt feelings, do NOT include them in a yard sale.)

Friends & NeighborsFamily & Parenting

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