life

Free Family Caregivers Kit Should Be in Every Home

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 18th, 2014

DEAR ABBY: Helping a parent or other adult relative handle their finances and health care can be a challenging gift to give. You want to honor their wishes and respect their boundaries, while at the same time acting in their best interest. But it can be hard to know where to begin and whom to trust, and you always wonder if you're forgetting something.

To help your readers carry out this important role, the Federal Citizen Information Center created the free Family Caregivers Kit. It features publications from the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau that explain how to manage a loved one's money and protect seniors from scams. And it also contains publications from the FDA's Office of Women's Health to keep track of medications and learn to use them safely. The kit is full of practical tips that give caregivers the confidence they need to manage a loved one's affairs.

Abby, thanks for sharing the free Family Caregivers Kit. From one daughter to another, you know how important it is to stand up and support family members through life's challenges. -- SARAH CRANE, ACTING DIRECTOR, FEDERAL CITIZEN INFORMATION CENTER

DEAR MS. CRANE: Thank you for offering this important information to my readers. It is important because accepting this kind of responsibility should not be done without fully understanding what it will entail. The publications you sent to me -- and will send to my readers -- provide an illuminating overview of the responsibilities involved.

Readers, this year's packet is not to be missed, particularly if you have aging relatives or a friend who may need you to handle his/her affairs, even for a short period of time.

These booklets are offered free of charge and include the "Managing Someone Else's Money" series of publications, which cover Power of Attorney and Managing Trusts, Property and Benefits. They are written in plain English and are in an easy-to-understand format.

Also included is a pamphlet on using medications wisely. Did you know that 125,000 people die each year because they didn't take their medication as directed -- and many more get sick because they didn't properly follow the directions on the label? (I didn't.) Another pamphlet shares information on recognizing and avoiding health scams, so you and your loved ones can watch out for miracle devices and cures that really ARE too good to be true.

But wait! There's more ... You will also receive a copy of the 2014 Consumer Action Handbook, which contains not only information you need to make the best decisions about what you buy and the service providers you use, but also a sample complaint letter to help you get results.

To order this free kit, go to promotions.usa.gov/dearabby. You can also order the kit by calling 888-878-3256 weekdays 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. Eastern time, or by writing: Family Caregivers Kit, Pueblo, CO 81009. Every household in the country should have this information on hand "just in case," so order a kit for yourself and more to share. -- LOVE, ABBY

MoneyFamily & Parenting
life

Men Posting Profiles on Dating Sites Could Use a Few Tips

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 17th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: May I sit in your chair and give some advice today? It's aimed at men who place ads on dating sites and then wonder why they can't meet "quality" women.

I'm an educated, decent-looking, middle-aged widow who has dated quite a lot through such ads and local social groups. Yes, it can be a jungle out there, but the Internet is a wonderful tool for bringing people together.

I live in a small town, and the pool of eligible men is smaller here than in metropolitan areas. That said, there are few profiles that attract my attention and that of my divorced/widowed friends.

Gentlemen, some pointers:

1. Smile! A dour expression is unpleasant.

2. We may want to see you with your shirt off after we get to know you, but it's not the most appealing or refined pose for a first look.

3. Be realistic. If you are Joe Average, we Jane Averages would enjoy meeting you. Are you REALLY going to hold out for a model who is a decade or so younger than you?

4. Be kind to the English language. You don't have to be a genius, but it would be nice to know you can competently communicate in writing.

5. Consider a shave. Some women like men with facial hair; the majority of the ones I know do not. About 75 percent of men over 50 have a mustache, beard or both. What are you hiding under there?

6. If you're married and miserable, for goodness sake, go for marriage counseling or get a divorce. But please don't deceive women who want to meet a nice guy to share life with.

In case you think I'm being too harsh, we gals welcome any suggestions from men who scroll through those female profiles looking for love. -- SURFING IN PETERSBURG, ILL.

DEAR SURFING: I'm printing your letter, and I'm sure the reaction will be interesting. The No. 1 complaint I've heard about Internet dating has to do with misrepresentation on both sides of the gender divide.

Sex & GenderLove & Dating
life

Octogenarian Music Lover Plans A Shoulder Tattoo

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 17th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My 83-year-old mother wants a tattoo! She loves classical music and has decided to have a musical note tattooed on her shoulder. Should I institutionalize her, or chauffeur her to the local tattoo parlor? -- SHOCKED IN GARDEN GROVE, CALIF.

DEAR SHOCKED: At 83, your mother is old enough to make this decision without your blessing. She also appears to be young enough at heart that she may not need the ride.

Health & SafetyFamily & Parenting
life

Drama Of Parents' Divorce Threatens To Overshadow Son's Wedding

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 17th, 2014 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am being divorced and my oldest son is being married. My soon-to-be-ex-wife does not want my girlfriend to attend. This has put a great deal of pressure on my son and his fiancee.

I left my wife for this woman. I love her and would like her to attend with me. What is proper? -- DANNY IN DELAWARE

DEAR DANNY: Because your divorce is not yet final, leave your girlfriend at home. Her absence would be the most thoughtful and considerate gift you could give your son, his bride and your almost-former wife.

Etiquette & EthicsMarriage & Divorce
life

Having a Baby Won't Fix Fighting Couple's Problems

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 16th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Lately I have been having problems with my live-in boyfriend, "Ethan." We fight about everything, and he refuses to admit when he's wrong. Ethan has been sleeping on the couch for a week waiting for me to take the first step and reconcile.

He isn't working and I am, and that is probably what has him so mad. I pay all the bills, and he thinks I feel superior because I'm bringing in money and he's not.

We argue day and night, swear and scream at each other, and he does not appreciate everything I'm doing so we can survive. I have two daughters, he has one, and I'm supporting all of us.

Do you think it's a good idea for us to have a baby? Ethan is desperate for a child with me -- even though we can't get along or communicate. -- MARY JANE IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR MARY JANE: Not only do I think it's not a good idea, but I think it's a terrible idea. Babies are expensive, and you're already carrying a heavy load. I suspect that Ethan thinks a baby will fix what's wrong in your relationship, but he's wrong. Don't do it! It would be a huge mistake.

MoneyLove & Dating
life

Stranger's Long-Ago Kindness Is Still Warmly Remembered

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 16th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: In the summer of 1995, I was a 12-year-old girl living in a motel in a suburb of Cleveland with my mother, older brother and younger sister. We were poor and very hungry.

My mother led my younger sister and me to a doughnut shop for our only meal of the day. After waiting for everyone to leave, my mother approached the young woman behind the counter and asked to buy some doughnuts with our foreign coins. It was the only money we had.

Instead of turning us away, she told my mother: "We're allowed to give away a certain number of free doughnuts every day. Just tell me what you want." (I don't know if this was true.) It was because of her kindness that my family ate that day.

If that kind woman is reading this, I want to say: "Thank you. You made the hunger go away for just a little bit, so a mother and her children could go a day without pain. You remain forever in a little girl's heart." -- URSALA IN MESSINA, ITALY

DEAR URSALA: I, too, hope your benefactor sees your letter. Her generosity that day provided nourishment not only for your bodies, but also for your faith in the humanity of others -- and I am sure you have emulated her example in the years that have followed. After all, isn't that what acts of kindness are all about?

MoneyHealth & SafetyFamily & Parenting
life

Daughter Balks At Sharing Her Time Alone With Mom

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 16th, 2014 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Once a year I invite my mother, who lives in Arizona, to visit me in California. This year, Mom has decided to bring one of my sisters along because "she really needs a vacation."

My sisters live in the same city as Mom and can visit her anytime they please. I see Mom once a year at most, and I do not want to share my limited time with her. How do I let my sisters know they're not welcome without causing a family rift? -- WANTS QUALITY TIME WITH MOM

DEAR WANTS: You shouldn't have to tell your sisters. The person you need to tell is your mother, who should not have invited anyone without clearing it with you first. Because you're having trouble with what to say to her, read her the second paragraph of your letter to me. She may have been well-meaning, but she was misguided.

Etiquette & EthicsFamily & Parenting

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