DEAR ABBY: I'm 20 years old. My boyfriend and I don't drink. Almost every person my age does, and it's starting to get to me. I'd love to have friends besides my boyfriend I can hang out with, but I find that I only connect with him because everyone else always wants to go out and party. He is an introvert, so the seclusion doesn't bother him. I, on the other hand, am greatly bothered by it.

I have always been ahead of the curve in terms of people my age. I have more in common with 30-year-olds than people in college. Unfortunately, I would feel weird spending time with 30-year-olds, and I'm sure they'd feel the same about spending time with me. Most of my spare time is spent with my family. They just seem to get me.

How can I find people my age who think the way I do? I don't want to be the kind of girl who only spends time with her boyfriend. I would appreciate other relationships. -- LIZ IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR LIZ: I agree that it's time to expand your circle of acquaintances. That's why I'm advising you to join a gym or some other physical activity group and start meeting people who are involved in physical fitness. None of the ones I know want to spend their time drinking and partying because they are more interested in eating and living healthfully. I'm sure if you try it, you will meet others who think the way you do.

DEAR ABBY: I am 15, and all of my friends my age and a grade lower have their belly buttons pierced. I have been asking my mom for a very long time and she doesn't have a problem with it, but my dad does. He won't let me get it done because he doesn't want me looking like trash at this age.

I don't want it to impress boys; I want it for my own beauty and to look good with a cute jewel to go with my summer outfits or bathing suits. They said to ask you if you think it's wrong to have a belly button pierced at the age of 15. Is it wrong? -- KYLIE IN WASHINGTON

DEAR KYLIE: I don't think that having a belly button pierced is a question of right or wrong. I suspect that your father's objection -- and I'm not sure I disagree with him -- is that he would prefer you make an impression by attracting attention in some other way. I'm suggesting you hold off for now and have it done when you're older -- providing you haven't changed your mind by then.

DEAR ABBY: 1. What do you call a person who is neither a morning lark nor a night owl? (That's me.)

2. What do you call someone who is neither a giver nor a taker? (That's me, too.)

Your answers will help me win a delicious meal! -- INQUISITIVE IN OTTAWA

DEAR INQUISITIVE: A person who is neither a lark nor a night owl is called a robin. Someone who is neither a giver nor a taker is probably a loner.

DEAR ABBY: I love my daughter-in-law and I am afraid she is harming herself because of her addiction to tanning. Her boys are in high school and cannot remember their mother without a really dark tan. One son told his classmates in grade school that his mother was African-American when they were doing African-American studies. (She's Caucasian.)

My son says he cannot convince her to "lighten up" a bit. I don't know what to do. I am ... SO CONCERNED FOR HER IN ILLINOIS

DEAR SO CONCERNED: You are right to be concerned for your daughter-in-law. For years, dermatologists have cautioned the public about the dangers of exposure to the sun. With the invention of tanning beds, the rates of melanoma among young people have soared. For anyone who isn't aware, melanoma is an aggressive type of skin cancer that can be fatal.

Tanning can be addictive, and you should urge your daughter-in-law to discuss this with a dermatologist. Because tanning also causes premature aging of the skin, she should explore "sunless tanning," which is much safer.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 18. My boyfriend, "Matt," and I have been together for a year and a half, and I'm leaving for college this fall. Matt will be attending community college nearby.

I have been told that the next four years are the best years of life, and I want to live them to the fullest. In order to do that, I want to be single so I can have a good time and be a little reckless without worrying about him.

I love Matt and would one day like to marry him, but since he's only my third boyfriend, I want to find out what other fish are in the sea before I settle down. What should I do? -- WANTS THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS

DEAR WANTS THE BEST: The kindest thing to do would be to tell Matt that while you care deeply for him, because you are going to be separated for the next four years, you feel both of you should be free to date others. That's a lot more tactful than saying you'll still be there if there aren't any bigger fish in the sea, and I'm sure it will get the idea across.

Whether or not the next four years will be the best years of your life -- one would hope you have more than four -- they will be an important growth period for both you and Matt, and each of you should explore them to the fullest without being encumbered.

DEAR ABBY: We play softball at school a lot, and I can't play well. I don't know what to do, and the others laugh at me. What should I do? -- ANXIOUS FOR ADVICE

DEAR ANXIOUS: I know of no athlete, amateur or professional, who can become proficient at a sport without lots of practice. Talk to your coach about what you need to do to improve, and see if another adult would be willing to play catch and pitch to you. If you keep trying, you will improve. If not, there may be another sport you will like better.

DEAR ABBY: "Holding on in Arkansas" (Feb. 27) asked where to go for free counseling. You suggested she call her local mental health department for counseling options for her marriage and money issues. Another resource would be her local church.

Pastors often offer counseling to couples. Many churches also have support groups for parents to connect with each other. I have seen churches save marriages and get couples back on the right track emotionally and financially. -- PASSING IT ON IN TENNESSEE

DEAR PASSING IT ON: Your suggestion was mentioned by a number of other readers. They, too, felt that solving her financial problems would lessen or eliminate the marital discord "Holding" and her husband are experiencing. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: One of the largest contributors to our national charitable network -- United Way -- offers many helpful services. The Consumer Credit Counseling Service may also be a resource, if credit cards are part of the problem.

If there is a choice between paying a bill or buying groceries, the bill should come first. There are many food pantries. The family can also apply for food stamps.

Asking for help can be difficult or embarrassing, but knowing your kids won't be hungry makes it worth it. -- BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, TOO

DEAR ABBY: "Holding" should contact her bank about refinancing her mortgage. If she can't pay her electric bill, she should see if she qualifies for a reduced rate for her income level. As for the kids, if they're in school, they probably meet the criteria for the reduced-cost lunch program. -- FULL OF IDEAS IN WASHINGTON

DEAR ABBY: "Holding" should seek help from the school counselor. He/she can recommend mental health support within the family's financial means, and connect them with additional community resources to lessen some of the stresses of daily life. With many families struggling in many ways, encouraging this woman to seek out available help is crucial. -- SCHOOL COUNSELOR-IN-TRAINING

DEAR ABBY: Does her employer or her husband's have an Employee Assistance Program? These services offer a wide range of help, including dealing with mental health and financial issues, and may be paid for as part of the employer's contract with the EAP organization. -- JUST MY TWO CENTS

DEAR ABBY: If the woman's county doesn't have a mental health department, her region should have a department of public health. Or she could be guided by the school nurse at her children's school. School nurses are often the first responders to families in crisis or in need of counseling. -- NEW ENGLAND NURSE

DEAR ABBY: It is human nature to want the best for one's family, but a lot of the couples suffering this kind of stress have brought it on themselves.

There won't be enough money for food and monthly bills if they are paying for new cars, a house they can't afford, ordering takeout instead of cooking, subscribing to the deluxe cable TV package, going on expensive vacations and paying for activities the kids "have to do" just because their friends are. Couples' financial problems could be greatly improved if they would only make better choices. -- LIVING WITHIN MY MEANS DOWN SOUTH