DEAR ABBY: I love my daughter-in-law and I am afraid she is harming herself because of her addiction to tanning. Her boys are in high school and cannot remember their mother without a really dark tan. One son told his classmates in grade school that his mother was African-American when they were doing African-American studies. (She's Caucasian.)

My son says he cannot convince her to "lighten up" a bit. I don't know what to do. I am ... SO CONCERNED FOR HER IN ILLINOIS

DEAR SO CONCERNED: You are right to be concerned for your daughter-in-law. For years, dermatologists have cautioned the public about the dangers of exposure to the sun. With the invention of tanning beds, the rates of melanoma among young people have soared. For anyone who isn't aware, melanoma is an aggressive type of skin cancer that can be fatal.

Tanning can be addictive, and you should urge your daughter-in-law to discuss this with a dermatologist. Because tanning also causes premature aging of the skin, she should explore "sunless tanning," which is much safer.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 18. My boyfriend, "Matt," and I have been together for a year and a half, and I'm leaving for college this fall. Matt will be attending community college nearby.

I have been told that the next four years are the best years of life, and I want to live them to the fullest. In order to do that, I want to be single so I can have a good time and be a little reckless without worrying about him.

I love Matt and would one day like to marry him, but since he's only my third boyfriend, I want to find out what other fish are in the sea before I settle down. What should I do? -- WANTS THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS

DEAR WANTS THE BEST: The kindest thing to do would be to tell Matt that while you care deeply for him, because you are going to be separated for the next four years, you feel both of you should be free to date others. That's a lot more tactful than saying you'll still be there if there aren't any bigger fish in the sea, and I'm sure it will get the idea across.

Whether or not the next four years will be the best years of your life -- one would hope you have more than four -- they will be an important growth period for both you and Matt, and each of you should explore them to the fullest without being encumbered.

DEAR ABBY: We play softball at school a lot, and I can't play well. I don't know what to do, and the others laugh at me. What should I do? -- ANXIOUS FOR ADVICE

DEAR ANXIOUS: I know of no athlete, amateur or professional, who can become proficient at a sport without lots of practice. Talk to your coach about what you need to do to improve, and see if another adult would be willing to play catch and pitch to you. If you keep trying, you will improve. If not, there may be another sport you will like better.

DEAR ABBY: "Holding on in Arkansas" (Feb. 27) asked where to go for free counseling. You suggested she call her local mental health department for counseling options for her marriage and money issues. Another resource would be her local church.

Pastors often offer counseling to couples. Many churches also have support groups for parents to connect with each other. I have seen churches save marriages and get couples back on the right track emotionally and financially. -- PASSING IT ON IN TENNESSEE

DEAR PASSING IT ON: Your suggestion was mentioned by a number of other readers. They, too, felt that solving her financial problems would lessen or eliminate the marital discord "Holding" and her husband are experiencing. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: One of the largest contributors to our national charitable network -- United Way -- offers many helpful services. The Consumer Credit Counseling Service may also be a resource, if credit cards are part of the problem.

If there is a choice between paying a bill or buying groceries, the bill should come first. There are many food pantries. The family can also apply for food stamps.

Asking for help can be difficult or embarrassing, but knowing your kids won't be hungry makes it worth it. -- BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, TOO

DEAR ABBY: "Holding" should contact her bank about refinancing her mortgage. If she can't pay her electric bill, she should see if she qualifies for a reduced rate for her income level. As for the kids, if they're in school, they probably meet the criteria for the reduced-cost lunch program. -- FULL OF IDEAS IN WASHINGTON

DEAR ABBY: "Holding" should seek help from the school counselor. He/she can recommend mental health support within the family's financial means, and connect them with additional community resources to lessen some of the stresses of daily life. With many families struggling in many ways, encouraging this woman to seek out available help is crucial. -- SCHOOL COUNSELOR-IN-TRAINING

DEAR ABBY: Does her employer or her husband's have an Employee Assistance Program? These services offer a wide range of help, including dealing with mental health and financial issues, and may be paid for as part of the employer's contract with the EAP organization. -- JUST MY TWO CENTS

DEAR ABBY: If the woman's county doesn't have a mental health department, her region should have a department of public health. Or she could be guided by the school nurse at her children's school. School nurses are often the first responders to families in crisis or in need of counseling. -- NEW ENGLAND NURSE

DEAR ABBY: It is human nature to want the best for one's family, but a lot of the couples suffering this kind of stress have brought it on themselves.

There won't be enough money for food and monthly bills if they are paying for new cars, a house they can't afford, ordering takeout instead of cooking, subscribing to the deluxe cable TV package, going on expensive vacations and paying for activities the kids "have to do" just because their friends are. Couples' financial problems could be greatly improved if they would only make better choices. -- LIVING WITHIN MY MEANS DOWN SOUTH

DEAR ABBY: I met the most wonderful man on a dating site. We seemed to hit it off. In fact, we are falling in love with each other. But he isn't ready for an exclusive relationship and still wants to date. He gets on the dating sites when I'm asleep in his bed.

I really care for him, but I don't want to pressure him. He has told me he loves me, but right now he just wants to be friends. He says I should also date, but how do you turn off love? -- SAD AND CONFUSED

DEAR SAD AND CONFUSED: Please don't think I'm unkind, but when a man is falling in love with a woman, he does not creep out of bed in the dead of night to visit dating sites. He also doesn't tell her to date other people.

Although you may love this guy, from where I sit, when he said he "just wants to be friends," it appears he meant friends with benefits. Because you are looking for more than that, the next time he gets out of bed to peruse a dating site, you should go with him -- on your way out the door.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend, "Michelle," who is attractive, intelligent and works as a teacher's assistant in a public school. What I can't understand is, she refuses to go anywhere without her 33-year-old daughter, "Chloe." They even dress alike.

Chloe is pretty and doesn't have a boyfriend. When Chloe goes out with friends, her mother rings her cellphone over and over until Chloe turns it off.

What do you think is the problem? If Michelle and I go someplace, she wants to bring Chloe, or she calls her and has her come to where we are. Chloe complains to me that she wants her freedom, but Mom accuses her of not loving her, and cries and makes her feel guilty.

Chloe is a college graduate. Her mother allows her to work, but she must come straight home afterward. I'm confused, Abby. What can I do? -- SOMETHING'S NOT RIGHT

DEAR SOMETHING'S NOT RIGHT: How sad for Chloe. Michelle's relationship with her daughter is more "smotherhood" than motherhood. It's not healthy for either of them. Your friend appears to be unable to see Chloe as separate from herself -- which is why she wants them to dress like twins and becomes anxious when Chloe is with friends instead of by her side.

The kindest thing you could do for the young woman would be to tell her to discuss this with a licensed mental health professional, because she will need help and support in severing the umbilical cord at this late date. That won't be easy. There will be pain involved for both Chloe and her desperately possessive mother, but if Chloe is going to have an independent life, it has to happen.