DEAR ABBY: "Holding on in Arkansas" (Feb. 27) asked where to go for free counseling. You suggested she call her local mental health department for counseling options for her marriage and money issues. Another resource would be her local church.

Pastors often offer counseling to couples. Many churches also have support groups for parents to connect with each other. I have seen churches save marriages and get couples back on the right track emotionally and financially. -- PASSING IT ON IN TENNESSEE

DEAR PASSING IT ON: Your suggestion was mentioned by a number of other readers. They, too, felt that solving her financial problems would lessen or eliminate the marital discord "Holding" and her husband are experiencing. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: One of the largest contributors to our national charitable network -- United Way -- offers many helpful services. The Consumer Credit Counseling Service may also be a resource, if credit cards are part of the problem.

If there is a choice between paying a bill or buying groceries, the bill should come first. There are many food pantries. The family can also apply for food stamps.

Asking for help can be difficult or embarrassing, but knowing your kids won't be hungry makes it worth it. -- BEEN THERE, DONE THAT, TOO

DEAR ABBY: "Holding" should contact her bank about refinancing her mortgage. If she can't pay her electric bill, she should see if she qualifies for a reduced rate for her income level. As for the kids, if they're in school, they probably meet the criteria for the reduced-cost lunch program. -- FULL OF IDEAS IN WASHINGTON

DEAR ABBY: "Holding" should seek help from the school counselor. He/she can recommend mental health support within the family's financial means, and connect them with additional community resources to lessen some of the stresses of daily life. With many families struggling in many ways, encouraging this woman to seek out available help is crucial. -- SCHOOL COUNSELOR-IN-TRAINING

DEAR ABBY: Does her employer or her husband's have an Employee Assistance Program? These services offer a wide range of help, including dealing with mental health and financial issues, and may be paid for as part of the employer's contract with the EAP organization. -- JUST MY TWO CENTS

DEAR ABBY: If the woman's county doesn't have a mental health department, her region should have a department of public health. Or she could be guided by the school nurse at her children's school. School nurses are often the first responders to families in crisis or in need of counseling. -- NEW ENGLAND NURSE

DEAR ABBY: It is human nature to want the best for one's family, but a lot of the couples suffering this kind of stress have brought it on themselves.

There won't be enough money for food and monthly bills if they are paying for new cars, a house they can't afford, ordering takeout instead of cooking, subscribing to the deluxe cable TV package, going on expensive vacations and paying for activities the kids "have to do" just because their friends are. Couples' financial problems could be greatly improved if they would only make better choices. -- LIVING WITHIN MY MEANS DOWN SOUTH

DEAR ABBY: I met the most wonderful man on a dating site. We seemed to hit it off. In fact, we are falling in love with each other. But he isn't ready for an exclusive relationship and still wants to date. He gets on the dating sites when I'm asleep in his bed.

I really care for him, but I don't want to pressure him. He has told me he loves me, but right now he just wants to be friends. He says I should also date, but how do you turn off love? -- SAD AND CONFUSED

DEAR SAD AND CONFUSED: Please don't think I'm unkind, but when a man is falling in love with a woman, he does not creep out of bed in the dead of night to visit dating sites. He also doesn't tell her to date other people.

Although you may love this guy, from where I sit, when he said he "just wants to be friends," it appears he meant friends with benefits. Because you are looking for more than that, the next time he gets out of bed to peruse a dating site, you should go with him -- on your way out the door.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend, "Michelle," who is attractive, intelligent and works as a teacher's assistant in a public school. What I can't understand is, she refuses to go anywhere without her 33-year-old daughter, "Chloe." They even dress alike.

Chloe is pretty and doesn't have a boyfriend. When Chloe goes out with friends, her mother rings her cellphone over and over until Chloe turns it off.

What do you think is the problem? If Michelle and I go someplace, she wants to bring Chloe, or she calls her and has her come to where we are. Chloe complains to me that she wants her freedom, but Mom accuses her of not loving her, and cries and makes her feel guilty.

Chloe is a college graduate. Her mother allows her to work, but she must come straight home afterward. I'm confused, Abby. What can I do? -- SOMETHING'S NOT RIGHT

DEAR SOMETHING'S NOT RIGHT: How sad for Chloe. Michelle's relationship with her daughter is more "smotherhood" than motherhood. It's not healthy for either of them. Your friend appears to be unable to see Chloe as separate from herself -- which is why she wants them to dress like twins and becomes anxious when Chloe is with friends instead of by her side.

The kindest thing you could do for the young woman would be to tell her to discuss this with a licensed mental health professional, because she will need help and support in severing the umbilical cord at this late date. That won't be easy. There will be pain involved for both Chloe and her desperately possessive mother, but if Chloe is going to have an independent life, it has to happen.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 32-year-old woman who is HIV-positive. My colleague -- who is unaware of my status -- recently introduced me to a relative of hers who is also lonely and looking for someone to settle down with. We "clicked" and seem to complement each other in every way, although we haven't had any sexual encounter.

My fear is, how do I disclose my status without being rejected? He seems to have big plans for us, which include settling down and having kids in the future. I am also worried that he might be angry with my colleague and not believe that she is unaware of my status. Please help me get out of this dilemma. -- IN A SPOT IN SOUTH AFRICA

DEAR IN A SPOT: I'll try, but there are no guarantees. Much depends upon the strength of this man's feelings for you. It is very important that you have a frank discussion with him before the relationship goes any further.

The fact that you are HIV-positive may be problematic, but it does not mean you cannot have a family together if you wish in the future. Medications and other medical interventions can help keep the virus from being transmitted to your children, and condoms can protect your partner.

If you are upfront about your status, the chances are better that he will believe you when you tell him his relative was not aware that you have HIV when you were introduced. In a case like this, honesty is the best policy.

DEAR ABBY: I have three grown sons, all educated, married and successful. Their wives are the daughters I never had, and I treasure them and their children. I'm blessed with three perfect grandchildren under the age of 5.

The problem is my sons. Although I raised them carefully with love, they are like teenagers. They constantly denigrate and fight with each other, and measure my time with them on a competitive scale. I no longer want to be involved with their bickering. Their dad, from whom I am separated, is not involved.

This has created a sad cloud in my otherwise sunny life. I need some advice. -- TIED IN KNOTS IN INDIANAPOLIS

DEAR TIED IN KNOTS: Have you told your sons how uncomfortable their sibling quibbling makes you? If you haven't, you should. And if that doesn't improve the situation, I suggest you see them separately. And if that causes problems, please don't make it YOUR problem.

DEAR ABBY: Over the past 10 years or so, I have noticed a vast increase in people who talk while they are yawning. These "yawn-talkers" are not only rude, but also almost impossible to understand. I wouldn't normally care, except that a lot of people do it where I work.

Is it OK to tell them to stop yawn-talking? Or would I be the rude one in the scenario? -- WIDE AWAKE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR WIDE AWAKE: It wouldn't be rude to ask someone to repeat the statement because you were unable to understand what the person was trying to say. And, by the way, polite folks cover their mouths when they yawn to avoid spraying saliva on the person in front of them.