DEAR ABBY: When my husband and I go to visit my mother (in another city) every other month or so, my brother and his wife insist on coming over to see us while we're there. Our visits usually last two or three days.

Many times when they come over, my sister-in-law will start doing her exercise routine, including floor exercises, which are, in my husband's and my opinion, unbecoming and inappropriate to do in front of other people.

How do we deal with this? Are we crazy to feel awkward when she's lying on her back doing these pelvic thrusts? Would it be out of line to ask her NOT to do this in the future?

My brother says, "She won't listen to me, so it wouldn't do any good to talk to her," so we know talking to her won't help. What do you suggest? -- FEELING AWKWARD

DEAR FEELING AWKWARD: Here's how I'd handle it. Talk to her anyway, and ask her to please refrain from doing these exercises in your presence because it makes you uncomfortable. But if that doesn't work and she starts "performing," stand up and say, "Hey, folks. Let's go out for a walk (or coffee, or a sandwich)," and put an end to her bid for attention that way.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend will have "scheduled" sex with me -- only after he has had his shower in the evening or in the morning. Every once in a while I get lucky and am able to stop by after work and have a quickie. It's driving me crazy.

I have tried many ways to get him to have sex spontaneously, but he won't budge. It's starting to be a turn-off because it's not the "right time." What do I do? -- LOOSER THAN THAT IN DETROIT

DEAR LOOSER: Your boyfriend may have a touch of OCD, or need to feel "in control" when he has sex. In other words, if the encounter is not his idea and at the time he chooses, he doesn't get turned on.

There's help for him if he's willing to admit there "may" be a problem. But if he isn't, then find yourself another fella because nothing is likely to change.

DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law is being married in September. I am in the wedding. My wife and I are having a baby in June, but the bride does not want to include my new baby. I think she is concerned people will pay attention to the baby and not her.

DEAR JOHN DOE: I don't think so. It's the bride's day, and you should abide by her wishes without complaining. If she prefers not to have her wedding disrupted by an infant who needs feeding or changing, it's her choice.

Many distant relatives will attend and this may be the only time they will see my son. She plans to invite more than 200 people. Am I right to be upset that my son, her nephew, is not invited? -- JOHN DOE IN PLANO, TEXAS

Because you want to show off your new baby, bring along pictures and pass them around. I'm sure the relatives will be thrilled to see them.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I speak English as our native language. I also speak other languages fluently, although my wife does not.

When we travel to a country where I speak the language, she insists I speak only English. She says everybody in the world now speaks English and accuses me of showing off when I converse with a local in his or her language. She says it makes her uncomfortable.

I realize many people in other countries speak some -- or even a lot of -- English, but many do not. What do you think? -- SPEECHLESS IN ATLANTA

DEAR SPEECHLESS: Much as your wife might wish it, not everybody in the world speaks English. That you are able to speak to individuals in their native language is a tremendous asset when you travel. It makes for a warmer welcome and a fuller experience wherever you go, and I hope you will continue to use the skill you have worked to acquire.

However, to carry on long, involved conversations while your wife just stands there is rude, and if you find out that the person with whom you are talking also speaks English, you should make an effort to see that she is included.

DEAR ABBY: I was born with a very weak heart. At the age of 23, I went into heart failure and needed surgery. It has been two years since my open heart procedure, and it has changed my life for the best.

As a young, semi-attractive male, I feel insecure about my scar. I went to the beach with friends, and so many people looked at my scar I got uncomfortable and put my shirt back on for the rest of the time. I haven't gone back to the beach since. And in situations where guys go shirtless, I wear mine even over the protests of my friends.

I can't get over the scar. I feel like I'm disfigured. Any advice on how I can deal with this huge change? -- SELF-CONSCIOUS IN GEORGIA

DEAR SELF-CONSCIOUS: Because you're sensitive about the scar, perhaps you should talk to a plastic surgeon about your options in having it reduced. However, in my opinion, you are not "disfigured" -- you are ALIVE. You fought for your life and won.

Few people get through life without some "battle scars." Since you can't change the fact that it's there, consider changing the way you think about it. In a way, it's your medal of honor. Scars have been known to fade with time, and so does self-consciousness.

DEAR ABBY: My grandson will be getting married in Chicago. What's the appropriate dress code regarding wearing pantyhose these days? It seems everyone you see in a dress is bare-legged. I want to be comfortable, but also appropriately dressed. -- BEST-DRESSED GRANDMA

DEAR GRANDMA: It depends upon how formal the wedding will be and whether it will be held indoors or outside. If it's outside and informal, and the weather is hot and humid, you could go bare-legged. However, if it's indoors and the attire is dressy -- and you want to maintain your reputation as "best-dressed granny" -- hold up your "end" and wear pantyhose.

DEAR ABBY: I love cooking for my wife and friends. There are few things I find more pleasing than to put out a nice spread of food and watch people enjoy. I'm always on the lookout for more cookbooks, and you hold the key to my next big party.

I was reading through your archives and have seen many people asking about your cookbooklets. I'd love to get them. Can you print the ordering information again, so I can be sure I'm sending the right amount to the right place? Thanks! -- MAN IN THE KITCHEN IN NORTH LITTLE ROCK

DEAR MAN IN THE KITCHEN: I'm glad to oblige. I have been a compulsive cookbook collector for many years, so I can relate. (I'm sure you will be pleased when you see that my cookbooklets, while wide-ranging in content, take up little space on your bookshelf.)

Your idea of throwing a "Dear Abby Dinner Party" is a good one, and I have been told the recipes provide a fun, traditional eating adventure. All of them are simple, easy-to-read and delicious.

One reader described creating place cards for her guests decorated with hearts and flowers. The centerpiece was a "bouquet" of envelopes addressed to me. Another reader said she copied questions from my column, printed them out and, as a party game, asked her guests to supply the answers. (She said that after a few glasses of wine, some of the responses were hilarious, but couldn't be printed in a family newspaper.)

My cookbooklet set contains more than 100 tasty recipes, ranging from soups to salads, appetizers, main courses and desserts, that can be used when families get together to celebrate holidays and other special occasions. My mother used many of them when she hosted parties, as have I. To order, send your name and mailing address, plus check or money order for $14 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby - Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. You will find tips on entertaining at the beginning of the first booklet. Anyone who hasn't entertained before should be sure to read them.

By following these suggestions, even the most nervous, first-time host can be confident. I know you will enjoy the recipes as much as we have and serve them with pride.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: It's not what you put on the table, but who you put in the chairs that makes a successful dinner party.