DEAR ABBY: My wife and I were discussing our sons-in-law, and young men in their 20s and 30s in general. We were wondering where the attitude of "any money I earn is mine" in a marriage or live-in situation got started.

For the first few years of my daughter and her husband "Joe's" marriage, Joe resented giving her any of the money he earned. My other daughter's husband thinks nothing of spending money on himself and his friends without consulting her.

We have seen this attitude reflected in their friends as well. They don't seem to discuss with each other how each is spending their "joint" income. There seems to be an element of selfishness, too.

My wife and I have been married 40 years and from the beginning I have always considered what each of us earned was OURS, not mine or hers (when she worked). We always discuss any significant purchases, and I have always believed it was my responsibility to support my family. I realize the current economic situation has made that difficult, but the attitude should still be there. -- WONDERING IN WASHINGTON

DEAR WONDERING: You have raised an interesting subject. There is a difference between living together and being married because of our legal system. Because people who co-habit without benefit of marriage are considered individuals in the eyes of the law, it is probably prudent to keep their financial affairs separate. However, each person should contribute to the expenses they share.

In a marriage, the situation is different: The law assumes that the man and wife are one unit. This is the mindset you adopted when you and your wife were married.

There is a tendency among young couples, not only because of the high divorce rate, but also what they have been exposed to in the media from the time they were born, to view marriage as something that might not last. There is also a sense of entitlement among many -- NOT ALL -- that makes them centered on themselves. We have become a society in which disposability has spread from material possessions to relationships.

I would LOVE to hear what my readers' -- particularly my younger readers' -- views are regarding this. Click on the link "Write to Dear Abby" at www.DearAbby.com or write to P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

DEAR ABBY: We are fortunate to have great friends and relatives who invite us to their homes for parties, celebrations, overnight stays, etc. often. The problem is, their houses are cluttered and dirty. We see spilled food in the refrigerator, showers caked with grime and years of stains on upholstery.

Money and time are not issues for these folks. If this was a hotel or restaurant, we would leave immediately. My husband and I have been unnerved by the conditions in these houses. We would like to spend time with these people and don't wish to offend. Subtle hints don't help. We try our best to enjoy their company and ignore the rest, but it can be difficult. What can we do, Abby? -- NEAT IN NEW YORK

DEAR NEAT: When you go to visit, stay in a nearby hotel or motel. If you know food will be served, fortify yourself beforehand and eat as little as possible without being rude. If you're afraid you might soil your clothing sitting on their furniture, leave anything that isn't washable at home.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 27-year-old woman who has never had a boyfriend or been kissed. I was never interested in romance or having a significant other. I felt strong being independent and taking care of myself. Now that I have a degree, a career and a house, I feel ready to try to let a man into my life.

I met a really nice guy a month ago. "Brian" and I have gone out several times and have a lot in common. He's a gentleman, and he says he's willing to wait for me.

I have been having a difficult time letting myself be physical with him. Even hugging is uncomfortable for me. I know it's because I have been a shy loner my whole life and I'm unaccustomed to being close to people.

Even though Brian says he'll be patient, I can sense his frustration. Physical closeness should come easily if you like and are attracted to someone. I feel abnormal. I don't know if I'll be this way forever or get more comfortable the more I know him.

I'm afraid Brian -- and most men -- won't be willing to wait that long. I'm afraid if I don't move faster I'll lose a great guy and never get another chance. What do you think? -- BLOCKED IN BOISE

DEAR BLOCKED: Being intimate with someone because you're afraid you'll lose him or it will be your last chance is the wrong reason. I think that the sooner you talk with a licensed therapist about your lifelong shyness and discomfort, the quicker you can understand the reasons for it and overcome it. Your doctor should be able to refer you to someone.

If Brian is the right man for you, he will stand by you. But if he doesn't, you'll be able to more easily relate to someone else.

DEAR ABBY: I am planning my wedding in the fall. My fiance and I are paying for the wedding and reception.

I have worked at my job for a year, and I haven't always been treated well by a few co-workers. I am reluctant to invite these people because I'm worried about the repercussions if I do. I know they will judge every aspect because they did it to another co-worker.

I like a few of the people I work with, but I don't know if I can invite only them. What do I do? -- WEDDING PLANNER IN OMAHA

DEAR WEDDING PLANNER: What you do is invite only those people you truly want to attend your wedding. It's not necessary to apologize for it or to explain why. If you are put on the spot and feel you must give a reason, say that your guest list is limited because of financial constraints. It's far more tactful than saying they are being excluded because they are rude, awful people, and you don't want them anywhere near you on such an important occasion.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a divorced woman with grown children. I have always supported gay rights and thought of myself as straight. But a few months ago, I met a woman, "Stephanie."

We hit it off immediately, and I was shocked to learn she's a transgender woman who was born male. We have spent a lot of time together and are falling in love. Stephanie will be having surgery soon to complete the transgender process.

I have been surprised and disappointed by the lack of support from my family and friends, whom I always thought were open-minded. Some have voiced support, but have shown no interest in meeting her and seem uncomfortable hearing about her.

I'm excited about this relationship and would have thought my family and friends would be happy for me, as I have been alone for a long time. But now I find myself refraining from mentioning Stephanie in conversation.

How can I discuss her with others? We are taking things slowly and not jumping into anything, yet we can definitely see ourselves spending the rest of our lives together. We have already faced disapproving strangers and handled it well. -- LOVES MY FRIEND IN OHIO

DEAR LOVES: It appears Stephanie isn't the only one in your relationship who is in transition. Both of you are, and because it is new to those around you, they may not understand it -- which is why they are uncomfortable.

The fact that Stephanie is transgender should not be mentioned right off the bat. It is not the most important thing about her, and it should not be her defining characteristic. Discuss the matter with your friend and ask how she would like to be introduced and referred to. It's only logical that this will vary according to how close these people are to you.

DEAR ABBY: I am a single mother who has had my share of heartbreak. I was with "Kent" for almost two years. We moved in together and talked often about marriage. Things were going great, but then he lost his job. After that, finding and keeping a job became harder and harder for him.

One day when I came home from work, all of Kent's clothes were gone. He said he had moved back in with his mother because he didn't feel comfortable with me paying all the bills. He assured me he still wanted to remain in the relationship, and once he could keep a steady job he'd move back.

Three months later, he broke up with me. The following week some mutual friends told me he had gotten married!

When I confronted Kent, he told me he still wants to have a sexual relationship with me. I refused and haven't spoken to him since. Yesterday I learned that I am pregnant with his child.

I am turned upside down without a clue what to do. Is it wrong to feel hatred for him? -- BETRAYED IN TEXAS

DEAR BETRAYED: Under the circumstances your feelings are understandable. Now, here's what to do. Contact Kent AND his wife and tell them the "happy" news that he is going to be a father -- and you expect him to shoulder all the responsibilities that go with it. Then talk to a lawyer to be sure he does.