life

Readers Weigh in on Pros and Cons of Only Childhood

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 3rd, 2014

DEAR ABBY: "Maybe Only One in Georgia" (Jan. 7), who asked whether she should have a second child, needs to understand there are no guarantees. Her 5-year-old could end up hating her younger sibling, or adoring her. Parents create a child because they want to share their union with a new life. Each child is unique and represents a life commitment, not just 18 years of hard work.

I am the youngest of four, the "surprise" baby boy when my parents were in their 40s. I loved them and they never made me feel unwanted. I adore my older sister. We were always close despite the eight-year age difference. My two brothers are very different than I am, and we don't have much to do with one another.

"Maybe" should not produce another child to be a playmate to the one they have. It should be done only if they're financially, emotionally and spiritually willing and capable of rearing another person. If not, they should enjoy the extra time, money and energy they'll have, and perhaps give a needy dog or cat a home. -- YOUNGEST CHILD IN SAVANNAH

DEAR YOUNGEST CHILD: I told "Maybe" I couldn't decide this for her, but would open up the question to my readers. And they sure had some comments! Here are a few:

DEAR ABBY: My advice is DON'T! I have two sons, 27 and 31. They hardly know each other and have no interest in what the other is doing. It breaks my heart, as they are the only close blood relatives they have.

I didn't have the younger one so the older would have company. I wanted another baby. I was 29, but wouldn't consider it at "Maybe's" age (38). How long does she think she can run that fast? -- MITZI IN DAYTON

DEAR ABBY: Most only children I know are spoiled and used to getting their own way, largely because they haven't had to share. My husband is from a large family and they are all close, even with a 20-year age span.

We recently dealt with issues related to elderly parents, and trust me, I was so thankful to have the help of my siblings. I feel it is unfair to raise a child alone if you're able to add to the family unit. -- GRATEFUL MOM

DEAR ABBY: I am a happy only child. I was raised by kind people. I have a positive self-image, was a self-reliant kid and am a confident, productive adult.

As a parent, I had a lot to learn. My husband, one of four siblings, reassured me that the quarreling and jealousy among our three was normal. They learned to fight and stick up for themselves -- something I had to master later.

As a child, I wondered what it would be like to have a brother or sister, but my imaginary friends were good company. When my aging parents were ailing, it might have been nice to have a sibling to share that with, but my husband was ample support.

"Onlies" can be very peaceful people. Most of us prefer to cooperate rather than compete. As kids, we're the center of the universe and responsible for everything. That sense of responsibility carries over into adulthood. -- ANNE IN ILLINOIS

DEAR ABBY: Have that second child if fate wills it. Your life will be richer for it. Your daughter will appreciate having a sibling, and you will wonder how you ever imagined life without him/her.

I was 6 when my sister was born. Yes, we went to different schools and had different friends. But we shared a bedroom as we matured and had many memorable times we still talk about today. There is no age barrier as time passes, and really, that gap closes earlier than you would think. -- BIG SIS IN FLORIDA

DEAR ABBY: Many kids, such as a classmate of your child, need a second temporary home -- if only for a play date away from their own house. Open your home to these opportunities. Expose your child to those less fortunate than she. On travels, visit a school (or community), so she can see how it differs from her own circumstances. Create independence in her, but also teach her the INTERDEPENDENCE she'll need for a balanced life. -- WYOMING TEACHER

Family & Parenting
life

Woman in Relationship Can't Resist Flirting With Other Men

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 2nd, 2014 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have been with my current boyfriend for a year and a half and I love him dearly. However, I often find myself drawn to other guys who I know are nothing but trouble. It never goes further than simple flirting, but I still feel guilty for doing it when I'm in a relationship. How do I keep myself from temptation? -- HARD TO RESIST

DEAR HARD TO RESIST: Temptation to do what? To involve yourself with a man who is nothing but trouble? A way to discourage that would be to ask yourself how you would feel if you lost your boyfriend. That would be a high price to pay for acting immaturely.

However, if you're asking how to overcome the IMPULSE, my advice is to have an honest conversation with yourself about why you feel the need. Most of the women (and men) who act this way are constantly trying to prove to themselves that they are attractive. If this could be you, then start working on your self-esteem, because if you don't, I predict you'll ruin a good relationship.

Love & Dating
life

Embracing Middle Age Spread Gives Life New Meaning

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 2nd, 2014 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm in my 50s and overweight. I work hard, eat three meals a day and am -- more or less -- healthy except for sore feet after work. I'm aware of the medical warnings. Who isn't? But I have decided to accept myself as I am, relax and be happy.

For years I have been hard on myself for not being slim. This is me in my 50s. I don't expect myself to be slim like I was in my 20s. Now I can smile, breathe easier, have a good time, and finally buy the new clothes I have put off buying until I was thinner. My new spirit is weightless and my new attitude has made my life more meaningful. Any thoughts? -- LIVING FREE AT LAST

DEAR LIVING FREE: Only this, that we all have choices to make about our health, what is important to us and how we want to live our lives. You have made yours, and at this point it appears to have been the right one for you. May it ever be thus.

Mental HealthHealth & Safety
life

Fear Of Bridges Limits Couple's Horizons

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 2nd, 2014 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My husband has a paralyzing fear of driving over bridges. It interferes with our life together. He is otherwise healthy, but will not see a therapist for this problem.

We have been married for 27 years. I am 63 and he is 67. I am very sad that our life is so limited. Any advice? -- LANDLOCKED IN VIRGINIA

DEAR LANDLOCKED: It would be interesting to know how your husband developed this phobia. But because he refuses to do anything about it and you feel restricted, consider traveling with another companion.

Mental HealthMarriage & Divorce
life

Readers Full of Foolishness Help to Celebrate the Season

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 1st, 2014 | Letter 1 of 5

DEAR READERS: It's April Fools' Day, the one day I can share some of the more unique letters that come my way -- clearly, more than a few of which were written in an attempt to have some fun with me. Enjoy!

DEAR ABBY: Many times when I would wake up in the morning, I'd find toothpaste already on my toothbrush, courtesy of my foreign-born girlfriend, "Inger." Because I am chivalrous, I figured I would return the favor. So at night before going to bed or in the morning, I'd tiptoe to the bathroom and put toothpaste on her toothbrush.

Well, the other day Inger told me, "DON'T put toothpaste on my toothbrush!" I was flabbergasted. And if that's not enough, she no longer preps my toothbrush, either.

I know, I know -- I should have asked a simple "Why?" but I wasn't in the mood for drama. Now it's eating at me and I just don't get it. -- CONFUSED IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR CONFUSED: I'm sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but here it is: Inger appears to be giving you the brush-off.

Holidays & Celebrations
life

What To Wear With Latex

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 1st, 2014 | Letter 2 of 5

DEAR ABBY: I have this really hot, sexy latex dress in lilac. I can't decide which color 6-inch stilettos to wear with it, black or white. I don't want to look trashy. -- FASHIONISTA IN THE EAST

DEAR FASHIONISTA: With latex in April, wear flats and a LONG overcoat.

Marriage & DivorceEtiquette & Ethics
life

Uninvited Wedding Guests Ruffle Bride's Feathers

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 1st, 2014 | Letter 3 of 5

DEAR ABBY: I married a wonderful man last week. It was the wedding of my dreams except for one thing: My husband's sister brought six birds with her and insisted it was perfectly acceptable to keep them in the reception area. My new in-laws all said I was "unreasonable" for not allowing the caged birds in the reception area.

I was strong and stood my ground. After a year of preparation, I didn't want our nuptials spoiled by uninvited birds. Has anyone ever written to you about uninvited birds being brought to a wedding? -- RUFFLED FEATHERS IN RENO

DEAR RUFFLED: The only ones I can recall were a few cuckoos, but I'm not sure they were of the avian variety.

Etiquette & Ethics
life

How To Hang Up The Phone When Nature Calls

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 1st, 2014 | Letter 4 of 5

DEAR ABBY: I have a dear old friend I talk with on the phone several times a day. She is the talkative type and sometimes keeps me on the phone for half an hour at a time. The problem is I have an overactive bladder and sometimes must rush to the bathroom. It's very embarrassing. Is there a nice way to tell her I need to get off the phone for a few minutes without being rude or too specific? -- LEAKING IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR LEAKING: Yes. Tell her to hang on, you'll be back in a flush.

life

Shaggy Dog Story Is Hard To Swallow

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | April 1st, 2014 | Letter 5 of 5

DEAR ABBY: All the letters you have printed about pennies brought back the memories of what happened in our family when I was very small. My mother won a $10 gold piece for her sponge cake, but our family dog swallowed the coin.

You are probably wondering if we got the coin back. No, we didn't. Turned out the coin was counterfeit, and the dog couldn't "pass it." -- GOTCHA! IN AMHERST, OHIO

DEAR GOTCHA!: Now that's a shaggy dog story if I ever heard one. (And for a moment, I swallowed it.)

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