DEAR ABBY: I'd like to tell your readers about a wonderful program I discovered about a year ago. It's called Overeaters Anonymous (OA). The program is similar to AA, but it's for people with an eating problem.

For years, I struggled to lose weight. I tried dozens of diets, pills and saw several doctors. I would lose some weight, but I could never stick with a program, so I gained back more than I lost. I felt like a loser.

I was a food junkie. I ate when I was happy, sad, depressed, bored or lonely. I would buy candy at the checkout counter at the market and eat it on the way home. Then I'd hide the wrapper in the garage so my family wouldn't know I ate it.

I hid candy in the kitchen cabinets so no one would find it, then I'd sneak in and eat it later. I could never have only one serving size of chips or cookies. I would consume half a bag before I stopped.

Since joining OA, I have lost more than 50 pounds and feel like a new person. I have a new outlook on life and no longer have to rely on food. It's good to be able to talk with people who have the same problems I do. It's a daily struggle, but I have a sponsor and others to talk to when I'm tempted to return to my old life.

Compulsive eating is a disease, Abby. And unless people have it, they don't understand. I hope this letter will help someone who is also struggling. -- GRATEFUL O.A. MEMBER IN ILLINOIS

DEAR GRATEFUL: I'm glad you found OA. It's a wonderful organization that has been around for many years. About 20 years ago, I was fortunate to meet the woman who founded it -- and she was a doll -- and I know the program has helped many thousands of people. Often when a person has weight issues, it is less about what he or she is eating than it is what is eating the PERSON.

Readers, OA has about 6,500 groups in more than 75 countries. There are no requirements for membership except a sincere desire to stop eating compulsively. Everyone is there to offer mutual support. I have attended some of the meetings, and there is no weighing and no embarrassment. There is only a fellowship of compassionate people who share a common problem.

There are OA chapters everywhere, but if you have trouble locating one, go to www.oa.org, or send a long, self-addressed stamped envelope to Overeaters Anonymous World Service, P.O. Box 44020, Rio Rancho, NM 87174-4020. The email address is info(at)oa.org.

DEAR ABBY: Because of finances, I still live with my ex-partner. We have been friends for 15 years. We split all the bills, and for the most part we get along quite well.

One thing has been bothering me, though. How should I handle things when he brings home a date? I am aware he becomes intimate, and occasionally it becomes quite loud. I have talked to him about this, and he says I should turn up the TV. I have asked him if he wants me to leave for the night to give him privacy. The answer is no, that it doesn't bother him if I stay, but it becomes uncomfortable for me.

How should I approach this in an adult manner? I love him dearly, but this is very awkward! -- EMBARRASSED

DEAR EMBARRASSED: It is laudable that you and your former partner are on such good terms. Out of consideration for you, why doesn't he plan to stay at his date's home or apartment whenever possible? If it isn't possible, ask him to let you know beforehand so you can make arrangements to be elsewhere for the night. I think you'd both sleep better.

DEAR ABBY: Can you be sexually harassed/abused by your spouse? My husband talks dirty to me and grabs at my breasts. I have repeatedly asked him to stop, but he doesn't listen and continues to do it. We have two small kids at home, and by the time they go to bed, I could care less about being intimate.

His behavior disgusts me, and to be honest, I don't want to have sex with him. I have female problems and have told him it hurts, but it makes no difference to him. He touches me in front of the kids, and I have to slap his hand away.

I can't leave him because I don't have a car or income for myself, nor do I have family or friends close by. I can't go to his family because they see him in a different light. What would you suggest, and is it harassment -- and could I press charges? -- LEAVE MY AURA ALONE

DEAR AURA: You have mentioned so many problems in your short letter that it's hard to know where to begin. While your husband's attempts at foreplay are beyond clumsy and ineffective, I can't help but feel some sympathy for him because it appears you have him on a starvation diet.

How long this can continue for either of you is uncertain. Rather than try to charge harassment, why not schedule an appointment with your gynecologist and find out why having sex is painful for you. It is not supposed to be, and your doctor may be able to help you resolve the problem. Marriage counseling might also help, because it's clear you and your husband aren't communicating on any meaningful level.

If these problems are not resolvable, you can't continue living like this and neither can he. Because your family isn't nearby and you have no transportation, call or write them and let them know you may need their help to return. If they are unable to help you, contact a domestic abuse hotline. Unwanted sexual advances could be considered harassment, and sex without consent is rape.

DEAR ABBY: It absolutely frosts me when parents head for the toy department so their children will have something to play with while they shop. Then, after the kids have spent time drooling, teething, sneezing, etc., they leave the dirty toys at the end of the aisle for someone else to buy.

Yesterday I saw a child sucking on the paw of a stuffed animal. When I commented on how that must be the child's favorite toy, the mother said it wasn't theirs -- she was just keeping the little boy quiet while she shopped.

Last week I stood behind someone in the checkout line. In her child's mouth was the ribbon from a Mylar balloon. When the mother finished loading her groceries onto the conveyor belt, she said, "Time to put this back now!"

It's my pet peeve: First the germs they get from sucking on this stuff, then the ones everyone else is exposed to from the child. And on top of that there's the stealing, because I have seen children break toys.

This is wrong, and we're all paying for it. Why can't these parents throw something in the diaper bag before they leave home? -- PUT IT DOWN! IN VIRGINIA

DEAR PUT IT DOWN: Because the parents aren't doing their job -- they are forgetful or lazy, and have no consideration for the store owners or other shoppers. Sadly, parents like the ones you have described raise children who are just like themselves.

DEAR ABBY: When my son was 17, he met an "older girl" who was 21 and began an on-again, off-again relationship with her. Fast-forward two years: He now has a felony and several misdemeanors for fighting with her, and they have a wonderful little baby boy whom neither can take care of. I have been supporting the child.

The young woman is schizophrenic and bipolar and will not stay on her meds. I feel torn because I don't want to be raising children at 49, but my son refuses to take care of the baby because he "isn't ready to be a father."

I can't leave my grandson with a mother who can't take care of him (her other child was taken away from her), and she can't hold a job because she's in and out of the hospital all the time.

She won't feed him and treats him like a baby doll -- meaning she forgets about him and leaves. I'm afraid my son would abuse the child if he's forced to be a father. The alternative is putting the baby up for adoption, which would break my heart.

How can I make my son understand that this child is his responsibility and he needs to step up and be a dad? -- DESPERATE GRANDMA IN ILLINOIS

DEAR DESPERATE GRANDMA: Forgive me if this seems negative, but if you haven't been able to do it by now, your grandchild may become a man before your son does. If you aren't strong enough to assume responsibility for raising the little boy, then, as much as I hate to see another child go into "the system," he should be made available for adoption. However, if you think you could manage it, then talk to an attorney about getting formal custody of your grandson, so you will be given the authority you'll need to raise him without interference from either of his birth parents.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I have been together for four years now, and we have yet to set a wedding date because he has "unresolved issues" with my mother. Is there any way I can convince him to talk to her about them, or go to premarital counseling? I'm ready to set the date. -- UNSCHEDULED BRIDE IN GEORGIA

DEAR UNSCHEDULED: Four years is a long time for issues to go "unresolved." Are you sure this man still wants to marry you? If his behavior is any indication, this may be how he will deal with problems and disagreements after you are married -- and it isn't healthy.

Before you devote any more time to this "engagement," ask him when he plans to accompany you to premarital counseling, because if he's waiting for your mother to die, it could be a long time before you make it to the altar.

DEAR ABBY: Year after year, people are reminded to visit elderly people in nursing homes, taking cookies and entertainment -- like children's choirs, etc.

My mother used to work in a nursing home and she said it made her sad to watch the huge influx of people during December, only to see January roll around to -- nothing. Once Christmas is over, people go back to their lives, feeling good about their visit to the nursing home or shelter. But the residents are still there come February, June, September. Perhaps the directors, volunteers and families could spread their visits over the entire year instead of focusing only on December. -- JUST A THOUGHT IN LUSBY, MD.

DEAR JUST: Your mother is a caring and sensitive person. What she said is valid, and I hope it will be given serious consideration.