DEAR ABBY: Can you be sexually harassed/abused by your spouse? My husband talks dirty to me and grabs at my breasts. I have repeatedly asked him to stop, but he doesn't listen and continues to do it. We have two small kids at home, and by the time they go to bed, I could care less about being intimate.

His behavior disgusts me, and to be honest, I don't want to have sex with him. I have female problems and have told him it hurts, but it makes no difference to him. He touches me in front of the kids, and I have to slap his hand away.

I can't leave him because I don't have a car or income for myself, nor do I have family or friends close by. I can't go to his family because they see him in a different light. What would you suggest, and is it harassment -- and could I press charges? -- LEAVE MY AURA ALONE

DEAR AURA: You have mentioned so many problems in your short letter that it's hard to know where to begin. While your husband's attempts at foreplay are beyond clumsy and ineffective, I can't help but feel some sympathy for him because it appears you have him on a starvation diet.

How long this can continue for either of you is uncertain. Rather than try to charge harassment, why not schedule an appointment with your gynecologist and find out why having sex is painful for you. It is not supposed to be, and your doctor may be able to help you resolve the problem. Marriage counseling might also help, because it's clear you and your husband aren't communicating on any meaningful level.

If these problems are not resolvable, you can't continue living like this and neither can he. Because your family isn't nearby and you have no transportation, call or write them and let them know you may need their help to return. If they are unable to help you, contact a domestic abuse hotline. Unwanted sexual advances could be considered harassment, and sex without consent is rape.

DEAR ABBY: It absolutely frosts me when parents head for the toy department so their children will have something to play with while they shop. Then, after the kids have spent time drooling, teething, sneezing, etc., they leave the dirty toys at the end of the aisle for someone else to buy.

Yesterday I saw a child sucking on the paw of a stuffed animal. When I commented on how that must be the child's favorite toy, the mother said it wasn't theirs -- she was just keeping the little boy quiet while she shopped.

Last week I stood behind someone in the checkout line. In her child's mouth was the ribbon from a Mylar balloon. When the mother finished loading her groceries onto the conveyor belt, she said, "Time to put this back now!"

It's my pet peeve: First the germs they get from sucking on this stuff, then the ones everyone else is exposed to from the child. And on top of that there's the stealing, because I have seen children break toys.

This is wrong, and we're all paying for it. Why can't these parents throw something in the diaper bag before they leave home? -- PUT IT DOWN! IN VIRGINIA

DEAR PUT IT DOWN: Because the parents aren't doing their job -- they are forgetful or lazy, and have no consideration for the store owners or other shoppers. Sadly, parents like the ones you have described raise children who are just like themselves.

DEAR ABBY: When my son was 17, he met an "older girl" who was 21 and began an on-again, off-again relationship with her. Fast-forward two years: He now has a felony and several misdemeanors for fighting with her, and they have a wonderful little baby boy whom neither can take care of. I have been supporting the child.

The young woman is schizophrenic and bipolar and will not stay on her meds. I feel torn because I don't want to be raising children at 49, but my son refuses to take care of the baby because he "isn't ready to be a father."

I can't leave my grandson with a mother who can't take care of him (her other child was taken away from her), and she can't hold a job because she's in and out of the hospital all the time.

She won't feed him and treats him like a baby doll -- meaning she forgets about him and leaves. I'm afraid my son would abuse the child if he's forced to be a father. The alternative is putting the baby up for adoption, which would break my heart.

How can I make my son understand that this child is his responsibility and he needs to step up and be a dad? -- DESPERATE GRANDMA IN ILLINOIS

DEAR DESPERATE GRANDMA: Forgive me if this seems negative, but if you haven't been able to do it by now, your grandchild may become a man before your son does. If you aren't strong enough to assume responsibility for raising the little boy, then, as much as I hate to see another child go into "the system," he should be made available for adoption. However, if you think you could manage it, then talk to an attorney about getting formal custody of your grandson, so you will be given the authority you'll need to raise him without interference from either of his birth parents.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance and I have been together for four years now, and we have yet to set a wedding date because he has "unresolved issues" with my mother. Is there any way I can convince him to talk to her about them, or go to premarital counseling? I'm ready to set the date. -- UNSCHEDULED BRIDE IN GEORGIA

DEAR UNSCHEDULED: Four years is a long time for issues to go "unresolved." Are you sure this man still wants to marry you? If his behavior is any indication, this may be how he will deal with problems and disagreements after you are married -- and it isn't healthy.

Before you devote any more time to this "engagement," ask him when he plans to accompany you to premarital counseling, because if he's waiting for your mother to die, it could be a long time before you make it to the altar.

DEAR ABBY: Year after year, people are reminded to visit elderly people in nursing homes, taking cookies and entertainment -- like children's choirs, etc.

My mother used to work in a nursing home and she said it made her sad to watch the huge influx of people during December, only to see January roll around to -- nothing. Once Christmas is over, people go back to their lives, feeling good about their visit to the nursing home or shelter. But the residents are still there come February, June, September. Perhaps the directors, volunteers and families could spread their visits over the entire year instead of focusing only on December. -- JUST A THOUGHT IN LUSBY, MD.

DEAR JUST: Your mother is a caring and sensitive person. What she said is valid, and I hope it will be given serious consideration.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 14. Last summer I went to camp in a different state with my cousin "Mary." I told my friends at school about our adventures, and a couple of them said they want to go there with me next summer.

Mary and I don't get a lot of time together, and camp is one of the only times when I can see her. I don't want my friends to come. How can I tell them that without hurting their feelings? -- TORN IN TEXAS

DEAR TORN: Out-of-state summer camps can be expensive, and although your friends might want to come to yours, it remains to be seen if their families can afford to send them. However, if it turns out that they will be going next summer, you should let them know beforehand that you may not be seeing a lot of them after you arrive because it's the only time you get to spend with your cousin during the year. The chances of their being hurt will be less if you tell them in advance.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I enjoy entertaining and having family over to celebrate birthdays and holidays. Our son's birthday is approaching and I'd like to get your view of something my husband's older sister, "Jane," has been doing.

Jane is 55, divorced and has been dating her co-worker "Chuck" for a couple of years. At our celebrations, after everyone is done eating and cake has been served, Jane makes up a large plate of food (without asking) and invites her boyfriend over to eat.

Chuck shows up, stands at the kitchen counter and devours the food while complaining about it. Then he helps himself to more and leaves. He never says thank you, never participates in the celebration and, frankly, wasn't invited to begin with.

How should this be handled at the next event? If I confront my sister-in-law, does that make me as rude as she is? My husband doesn't want to rock the boat. However, it bothers him, and he, too, is put off by it. Any suggestions you have would be appreciated. -- AGHAST IN NEW ENGLAND

DEAR AGHAST: What Jane has been doing is extremely presumptuous and to call her on it isn't rude. This should not be "handled at the next event"; it should be handled BEFORE the next event. Tell her you prefer any leftover food be saved for your own family, and that in the future, she should not invite Chuck unless she has first cleared it with you. If she can't abide by your wishes, you should not invite her.

DEAR ABBY: I grew up like most children of the '80s and '90s, on fast food and propped in front of the TV. I have worked hard to change this lifestyle. I want to raise my future children in a healthier fashion than I was. However, when I bring up the subject of future grandchildren with my mother, she can't stop talking about how she's going to spoil them with sugary treats because she's the grandma, and "that's what grandmas do."

She knows how I feel about this and knows it upsets me, but she keeps taunting me. I have gone so far as to tell her that if she can't respect me, I will limit her time with the kids. What would you suggest I do? -- HEALTH FIRST IN MAINE

DEAR HEALTH FIRST: I don't know when you plan to have children, but until you do, I suggest you drop the subject. Your mother may be saying this to get a rise out of you. If she's serious, it will be your job as a parent to enforce the rules you set. But right now, this discussion is premature.