DEAR ABBY: My 38-year-old son is mentally ill and refuses medication, counseling or any type of help. I'm 63, and he physically and mentally abuses me. I had him committed, but he refused to cooperate, so they released him after two weeks. Life after that became worse.

I have no time to myself except when I sleep or take a nap. Family and friends are not allowed in the house because they make him uncomfortable. I can't even open the blinds to let the sun in because "people are watching him."

I know he needs help desperately, but I don't know where else to turn. My family tells me to have him committed and not let him back home. I feel guilty about sending him out of my home because I'm afraid of what he might do or what could happen to him.

I go for counseling once a month, and I have discussed this with my therapist, who says the same thing as my family: "Commit him and throw away the key!" I am so torn! I suffer from depression and this lifestyle does not help.

I'm planning to move to another state where I have family, and I don't know what to do with him. I feel like I'm trading one cell for another. Any suggestions would be appreciated. -- LOYAL READER IN NEW YORK

DEAR LOYAL READER: Listen to your therapist. If your son is institutionalized, he will be in a safe environment. The alternative could be that he would become one of the multitude of mentally ill individuals who are living on the street.

If your son is medicated, he might be able to live in a group home where he could be sheltered and taken care of. With medication he might be able to have more of a life than you have provided.

You may feel guilty, but you are not responsible for your son's mental illness. It is very important that you are successfully treated for your depression before making the decision to move. Your depression may have been caused because you have become the prisoner of your son's hallucinations.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 1/2 years, living together for two. He says Valentine's Day is a made-up holiday to get people to spend money. I told him every holiday is geared toward people spending money.

I find myself feeling angry and hurt that I'm not receiving anything for Valentine's Day. He never buys cards or flowers for me. How do I communicate to him that this is important to me without making things worse? -- CRAVING A LITTLE ROMANCE

DEAR CRAVING: Your boyfriend may be cheap, but he also has a point. According to a report on npr.org, the celebration of Valentine's Day started in ancient Rome and contains elements of both Christian and pre-Christian religions. In the third century A.D., two men named Valentine were executed by the emperor Claudius II in different years on Feb. 14, and a few hundred years later, a pope (Gelasius I) combined St. Valentine's Day with Lupercalia -- a fertility feast -- to replace the pagan ritual. (Research this online if you wish, because I found it fascinating.) The holiday didn't become romanticized until the Renaissance.

That said, allow me to point out that there are few things more unpleasant than feeling forced to give someone a gift. If you have already discussed this with your boyfriend and he's still resistant, then instead of focusing on what you're not getting out of this relationship, try focusing on what you are getting. It may help you to feel less deprived.

DEAR ABBY: I have an extremely bright 7-year-old daughter, "Amy," from a previous marriage. Her biological father, "Jake," and I separated when she was an infant. He lives across the country, so while we shared custody, Amy usually saw him only once a year. For a while I called him "Dad" when talking about him to her, but when it became apparent that he wasn't going to be involved in her life (and because I was going to be remarried), we switched to using his first name.

My current husband formally adopted Amy last year, and she couldn't have been happier. Now there's a baby sister, and Amy is overjoyed.

Recently, though, Amy has started asking me why Jake never visits and when she's going to see him again. I don't know what to tell her. I feel it would be crushing to her to say that Jake isn't interested in her anymore, but I also don't want to lie to her.

How do you tell a 7-year-old she should just forget her biological father because he's never going to be there for her? -- ANXIOUS IN HOUSTON

DEAR ANXIOUS: Your daughter needs to come to this realization in stages, and her questions should be answered in an age-appropriate way. Understand that Amy may always be interested in knowing about her biological father, and by the time she is in her teens, she will be computer savvy enough to search him out on the Internet.

For now, tell your daughter that the reason Jake doesn't visit is because he is "busy," and you don't know when he plans to visit. It's the truth.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I will celebrate our 50th wedding anniversary this year and I have a question. We'd love to invite a group of our friends to celebrate with us at our favorite restaurant, but we won't be able to pick up the tab. Is there a sensitive way to ask friends to celebrate with us, but get across the message that it'll have to be dutch treat? -- ON A BUDGET IN SAN ANTONIO

DEAR ON A BUDGET: If these are close or longtime friends, I'm sure they won't be shocked that you'll be celebrating your 50th -- especially if some of them were at your wedding. I think the best way to approach this would be to be honest. Tell them that as much as you'd like to entertain everybody, you are unable to, but that you would love it if everyone could meet for dinner at your favorite restaurant and go dutch treat. And be sure to mention that although it's your anniversary, the only gift you would like would be their presence at this happy time.

DEAR ABBY: My best friend, "Kyra," has joined the drama department at our school. She has made a lot of theater friends now and hangs out with them every day after school. She used to meet me occasionally at my locker after school, but no longer does so. The only time I see her, she's with her theater friends, and I'm uncomfortable because I don't know them and I'm shy.

I'm trying to make friends with Kyra's friends, but when I'm with her, she kind of ignores me and doesn't try to include me as much as she could. It's depressing that my best friend would rather hang out with other people than me. I'm missing her. What do I do? -- CAST-OFF IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CAST-OFF: Kyra's behavior is insensitive, but I don't think you can change her. So the solution will be for you to become less emotionally dependent upon her. A way to do that would be to develop some outside interests of your own and start cultivating them.

While Kyra might have a flair for drama, perhaps you might be more interested in sports, art, computers, etc. If you start to explore what activities are available, it will provide you with a larger circle of acquaintances, and you'll miss your friend less because you are filling your time with other things. Please give it a try.

DEAR ABBY: Three times in the last week I have been hugged by people who then informed me that they were sick. At dinner last night, one friend blew his nose throughout the meal and then wanted to shake hands. Yuck!

A little reminder during cold season: If you are sick, "coming down with something" or even just "fighting off a little bug," don't hug others! Don't give a little peck on the cheek or shake hands. You can politely mention that you are "a bit under the weather and don't want to share." Other people won't be offended or think you are being standoffish. They will be grateful for your thoughtfulness. -- TRYING TO STAY HEALTHY

DEAR TRYING: That's good advice, if folks are willing to heed it. I can only add that flu vaccinations, frequent hand-washing and a small bottle of hand sanitizer can lessen the chances of getting these viruses when our friends are in a state of denial, and it wasn't "an allergy."

DEAR ABBY: I'm not particularly attractive, pretty or girly. I don't think I'm what boys are looking for, so I tend to not be too involved with them. I have a lot of male friends, but I have never had a first kiss, a first date, etc.

Yesterday, a guy friend asked me out. I was shocked. I saw him as only a friend and never thought of him as a boyfriend, so I said no. He acted like it wasn't a big deal. Things aren't awkward between us, but I think I may have hurt his feelings or his self-esteem.

After school -- he'd asked me out after my third class -- I couldn't stop thinking about him. I don't regret my decision, but I'm worried about him. Can you help me? -- CONCERNED IN EUGENE, ORE.

DEAR CONCERNED: It might help to recognize that people ask each other out for a variety of reasons -- which can include needing a date for an event, romantic interest or just wanting to hang out with someone who is good company. Not knowing your friend, I can't guess what his reason was when he asked you out.

Because you think you may have hurt his feelings, make a point of telling him that you hope you didn't. And mention that since you are new to the idea of dating, you think you may owe him an apology because you care about him as a friend.