DEAR ABBY: I have an extremely bright 7-year-old daughter, "Amy," from a previous marriage. Her biological father, "Jake," and I separated when she was an infant. He lives across the country, so while we shared custody, Amy usually saw him only once a year. For a while I called him "Dad" when talking about him to her, but when it became apparent that he wasn't going to be involved in her life (and because I was going to be remarried), we switched to using his first name.
My current husband formally adopted Amy last year, and she couldn't have been happier. Now there's a baby sister, and Amy is overjoyed.
Recently, though, Amy has started asking me why Jake never visits and when she's going to see him again. I don't know what to tell her. I feel it would be crushing to her to say that Jake isn't interested in her anymore, but I also don't want to lie to her.
How do you tell a 7-year-old she should just forget her biological father because he's never going to be there for her? -- ANXIOUS IN HOUSTON
DEAR ANXIOUS: Your daughter needs to come to this realization in stages, and her questions should be answered in an age-appropriate way. Understand that Amy may always be interested in knowing about her biological father, and by the time she is in her teens, she will be computer savvy enough to search him out on the Internet.
For now, tell your daughter that the reason Jake doesn't visit is because he is "busy," and you don't know when he plans to visit. It's the truth.