DEAR ABBY: My two children and I have lived with my parents for a few years because I had some health problems. Now that I am healthy again, I'm ready to return to work and move to a new home, but I am encountering severe resistance from my parents.

As I have recovered, our situation has gone from my parents helping me to my assuming the majority of the household responsibilities. My parents say they know I want to go back to work and know it will be good for me to be independent, but because of their own health concerns they need me to stay. I have always felt a strong responsibility toward my family, but I know that not having a home to call our own limits the personal growth of my children and me.

I have been offered a great job in another state that would allow me to provide well for my children, but I feel crushing guilt for even considering leaving my parents to fend for themselves. I know this will be a life-changing decision for all of us, so please give me an objective point of view. -- DAD TORN IN TWO DIRECTIONS IN TEXAS

DEAR DAD: On an emotional level, of course your leaving will be traumatic for your parents. They will miss you and the children and all the activity in the house they have become used to. Also, someone may have to assume the household chores that you have been taking care of.

If you accept this job -- and in my opinion you should if you can't find one that pays as well closer to your parents -- perhaps you could subsidize a housekeeper, a cleaning company or someone to help with the yard work a few times a month.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Sean" for five years. I am 27, stand 5 feet 7 inches tall and weigh 120 pounds. Sean is constantly pushing me to exercise more, and he comments on my thighs and stomach a lot. He tells me it's not a weight issue, but I need to "work off some fat and gain more muscle." He wasn't like this when we got married.

I love my body, and I know I'm not fat or overweight. I walk 4 miles round trip to work. My entire workday is spent on my feet, walking or running. I get plenty of exercise, and I'm healthy and active.

This is really hurting my confidence. It bothers me to hear that someone I love thinks my normal body is unattractive because of barely there "fat." I don't know what gave Sean this idea. How do I deal with it? -- JUST RIGHT IN ARIZONA

DEAR JUST RIGHT: The kind of body your husband would like you to have seems more descriptive of a skinny teenager than a healthy young woman. Is he a body builder or a gym rat? You deal with it by asking your husband why he thinks your normal body is unattractive, listen carefully to his response and, if necessary, run it by your doctor.

DEAR ABBY: I was wondering if a woman can be considered engaged to a man if she is still married to another man, but separated?

I have a friend who has been separated from her husband for two years. They live apart, but not "legally." Can she be considered engaged? Wouldn't her ring be a promise ring and not an engagement ring? Please help me clear up this confusion. -- CONFOUNDED IN WEST VIRGINIA

DEAR CONFOUNDED: To declare oneself engaged while legally married to another person does appear to be premature. However, your friend can call herself whatever she wants if it pleases her. The same is true for what she calls the rock she's wearing. If you value her friendship, you'll let it slide and don't contradict her.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 14-year-old girl going on 15. I am half-Mexican. In the Mexican culture, a girl's 15th birthday is the year in which she becomes a woman. Most girls have a "quinceanera" party for this birthday. But these celebrations cost a lot of money -- almost as much as a wedding.

I have been debating whether or not I should have one. My mom says she would rather put the money toward my college fund. I agree with her, but I also feel like I should acknowledge my Mexican background as much as I do the Caucasian part. I don't want to pressure my parents, but I also don't want to be left out when my friends talk about their quinceaneras. What do you think? -- PARTY OR NOT IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR PARTY OR NOT: A quinceanera may cost almost as much as a wedding, but there are weddings for every budget. We have all heard of families who have gone into debt to finance a wedding, but I never advise readers to go into debt for something like that.

If your primary reason for wanting a quinceanera is so you won't feel left out of the conversation when friends talk about theirs, consider a small celebration with some of your girlfriends. That way your college fund won't be depleted, and you'll spend fewer years paying off student loans.

One of my friends, Fabiola, told me that some godmothers ("madrinas") help to defray the cost of a quinceanera. There can be a godmother for the cake, another for the dress, etc. But she also told me that although her mother insisted she have a quinceanera, in thinking back about it, she wishes she'd had that money for college. There are other ways to celebrate your Mexican heritage than spending a lot of money, so please give this some serious thought.

DEAR ABBY: I just learned that my unborn child is a boy. Some people tell me that it's harder to raise a baby boy, but others tell me differently. I don't know who to believe anymore. I am only five months pregnant and already feeling stressed. -- 19 AND CONFUSED

DEAR 19 AND CONFUSED: Your pregnancy and subsequent motherhood will be 100 percent easier if you stop listening to people who relish putting negative thoughts in the heads of others. If you want reliable information about raising your little boy, the person to get it from is your pediatrician.

DEAR ABBY: I saw your Christmas column in which you included a note to all your Christian readers, and frankly I found it a little rude. Not only Christian people celebrate Christmas; many of us celebrate it as a secular holiday, a time to celebrate the love and joy in our lives and our family (both blood relatives and the people we make our family).

I don't recall you wishing a Happy Hanukkah, a Blessed Ramadan or a Happy Yule to your Jewish, Muslim and Pagan readers (although I may have missed it). I'm not usually one to care about such things, but since people from all walks of life come to you for advice, it would be nice to see you reach out to all of your readers. -- HAPPY PAGAN CHICK IN DENVER

DEAR HAPPY PAGAN CHICK: You must not be a regular reader if you miss all of my holiday greetings. It has long been my practice to offer good wishes to my readers during the major holidays. This includes greetings to my Christian readers at Easter and Christmas, my Jewish readers at Yom Kippur and Hanukkah, and my Muslim readers when the fast of Ramadan is broken.

DEAR ABBY: When parents who live many miles away from their adult children visit their homes, to what extent should they be treated as "guests"? When we visit our son, our daughter-in-law gets herself a snack and then sits down to eat it and watch TV, and there we sit. She never offers us a thing. Are we expecting too much or doesn't she have any manners?

Also, when we have a meal in their home, they get their own beverages and never mention anything about what is available to us. We're not used to this kind of treatment. Have you any thoughts on how to handle this without causing any rift? -- DISRESPECTED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR DISRESPECTED: Assume that your daughter-in-law behaves this way because she doesn't know any better. As for your son, because he wasn't raised this way, he is either thoughtless, rude or following his wife's lead.

Because you're all family, things should be informal. The way to handle it is to speak up and tell your hosts that you're hungry and/or thirsty, too. If it's said with a smile, it shouldn't cause a rift.

DEAR ABBY: "Bill" and I have gone together for three years. He's a wonderful, sweet man who has never raised his voice to me. We have talked about taking our relationship to the next level. I'm hesitant because I suspect he's a high-functioning alcoholic.

Bill doesn't seem to crave a drink when he's with me, but he does crave being in bars in the company of men who sit for hours over drinks and then get out on the Interstate. I don't want to be his mother or his hall monitor, but I have begun to suspect I shadow his denial. I'm afraid I have become his enabler.

We are in our early retirement years and the thought that his drinking will get worse has made me afraid. I love Bill. I can't seem to move forward, yet I resist walking away.

We have discussed my feelings many times, and he says he has cut down the amount he drinks and there's nothing to worry about. Yet, I have this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. -- SICK FEELING IN TEXAS

DEAR SICK FEELING: Listen to your intuition. I don't know how often Bill "craves" the company of men who sit for hours in bars becoming increasingly inebriated, but if it is more than "occasionally," then I agree you may have cause for concern.

Because of the language in your letter, it appears you are already familiar with alcoholism and how it affects relationships. It would be a good idea for you to attend some Al-Anon meetings before your relationship with Bill goes further because he may be in denial about the importance of alcohol in his life. The meetings are easy to find; Al-Anon is listed in your phone directory and can be found at al-anon.org.

DEAR ABBY: More and more I receive emails from people using the closing salutation "Best." I feel this must be incorrect. Shouldn't it be "Best Regards" or "Best Wishes"? To say simply "Best" seems somehow lacking. Best what? What is accurate? -- TANDI IN NEW HAVEN

DEAR TANDI: Closing a communication using "Best" is a shorthand version of saying "Best Wishes" or "Best Regards." It's acceptable in less-than-formal communications, and is sometimes used when someone feels that ending their email without it would seem too cold and abrupt.