DEAR ABBY: I'm a 14-year-old girl going on 15. I am half-Mexican. In the Mexican culture, a girl's 15th birthday is the year in which she becomes a woman. Most girls have a "quinceanera" party for this birthday. But these celebrations cost a lot of money -- almost as much as a wedding.

I have been debating whether or not I should have one. My mom says she would rather put the money toward my college fund. I agree with her, but I also feel like I should acknowledge my Mexican background as much as I do the Caucasian part. I don't want to pressure my parents, but I also don't want to be left out when my friends talk about their quinceaneras. What do you think? -- PARTY OR NOT IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR PARTY OR NOT: A quinceanera may cost almost as much as a wedding, but there are weddings for every budget. We have all heard of families who have gone into debt to finance a wedding, but I never advise readers to go into debt for something like that.

If your primary reason for wanting a quinceanera is so you won't feel left out of the conversation when friends talk about theirs, consider a small celebration with some of your girlfriends. That way your college fund won't be depleted, and you'll spend fewer years paying off student loans.

One of my friends, Fabiola, told me that some godmothers ("madrinas") help to defray the cost of a quinceanera. There can be a godmother for the cake, another for the dress, etc. But she also told me that although her mother insisted she have a quinceanera, in thinking back about it, she wishes she'd had that money for college. There are other ways to celebrate your Mexican heritage than spending a lot of money, so please give this some serious thought.

DEAR ABBY: I just learned that my unborn child is a boy. Some people tell me that it's harder to raise a baby boy, but others tell me differently. I don't know who to believe anymore. I am only five months pregnant and already feeling stressed. -- 19 AND CONFUSED

DEAR 19 AND CONFUSED: Your pregnancy and subsequent motherhood will be 100 percent easier if you stop listening to people who relish putting negative thoughts in the heads of others. If you want reliable information about raising your little boy, the person to get it from is your pediatrician.

DEAR ABBY: I saw your Christmas column in which you included a note to all your Christian readers, and frankly I found it a little rude. Not only Christian people celebrate Christmas; many of us celebrate it as a secular holiday, a time to celebrate the love and joy in our lives and our family (both blood relatives and the people we make our family).

I don't recall you wishing a Happy Hanukkah, a Blessed Ramadan or a Happy Yule to your Jewish, Muslim and Pagan readers (although I may have missed it). I'm not usually one to care about such things, but since people from all walks of life come to you for advice, it would be nice to see you reach out to all of your readers. -- HAPPY PAGAN CHICK IN DENVER

DEAR HAPPY PAGAN CHICK: You must not be a regular reader if you miss all of my holiday greetings. It has long been my practice to offer good wishes to my readers during the major holidays. This includes greetings to my Christian readers at Easter and Christmas, my Jewish readers at Yom Kippur and Hanukkah, and my Muslim readers when the fast of Ramadan is broken.

DEAR ABBY: When parents who live many miles away from their adult children visit their homes, to what extent should they be treated as "guests"? When we visit our son, our daughter-in-law gets herself a snack and then sits down to eat it and watch TV, and there we sit. She never offers us a thing. Are we expecting too much or doesn't she have any manners?

Also, when we have a meal in their home, they get their own beverages and never mention anything about what is available to us. We're not used to this kind of treatment. Have you any thoughts on how to handle this without causing any rift? -- DISRESPECTED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR DISRESPECTED: Assume that your daughter-in-law behaves this way because she doesn't know any better. As for your son, because he wasn't raised this way, he is either thoughtless, rude or following his wife's lead.

Because you're all family, things should be informal. The way to handle it is to speak up and tell your hosts that you're hungry and/or thirsty, too. If it's said with a smile, it shouldn't cause a rift.

DEAR ABBY: "Bill" and I have gone together for three years. He's a wonderful, sweet man who has never raised his voice to me. We have talked about taking our relationship to the next level. I'm hesitant because I suspect he's a high-functioning alcoholic.

Bill doesn't seem to crave a drink when he's with me, but he does crave being in bars in the company of men who sit for hours over drinks and then get out on the Interstate. I don't want to be his mother or his hall monitor, but I have begun to suspect I shadow his denial. I'm afraid I have become his enabler.

We are in our early retirement years and the thought that his drinking will get worse has made me afraid. I love Bill. I can't seem to move forward, yet I resist walking away.

We have discussed my feelings many times, and he says he has cut down the amount he drinks and there's nothing to worry about. Yet, I have this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. -- SICK FEELING IN TEXAS

DEAR SICK FEELING: Listen to your intuition. I don't know how often Bill "craves" the company of men who sit for hours in bars becoming increasingly inebriated, but if it is more than "occasionally," then I agree you may have cause for concern.

Because of the language in your letter, it appears you are already familiar with alcoholism and how it affects relationships. It would be a good idea for you to attend some Al-Anon meetings before your relationship with Bill goes further because he may be in denial about the importance of alcohol in his life. The meetings are easy to find; Al-Anon is listed in your phone directory and can be found at al-anon.org.

DEAR ABBY: More and more I receive emails from people using the closing salutation "Best." I feel this must be incorrect. Shouldn't it be "Best Regards" or "Best Wishes"? To say simply "Best" seems somehow lacking. Best what? What is accurate? -- TANDI IN NEW HAVEN

DEAR TANDI: Closing a communication using "Best" is a shorthand version of saying "Best Wishes" or "Best Regards." It's acceptable in less-than-formal communications, and is sometimes used when someone feels that ending their email without it would seem too cold and abrupt.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter, who recently turned 21, sent me a two-word text message, "I'm pregnant." She has been dating a marijuana-smoking young man for less than a year, and I'm disappointed by this outcome.

Her sister, who is a year older, already has two children by two men. No, they weren't raised by a harlot. I adopted them when they were early elementary-aged children. It's not my fault. I'm disgusted by their choices.

I haven't talked with her yet. I won't try to lecture her or tell her how she should live her life. The time for that is over. I feel it would be best to say nothing if I can't be positive. Suggestions? -- DISGUSTED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR DISGUSTED: It would be better if you said nothing to your daughter while you are angry, or you may say something you will regret. It would not be out of line, however, to text her back and ask, "How do you and 'John' plan to support the baby?" If you don't plan to help her in any way, you should let her know now that she'll be on her own.

DEAR ABBY: Our 13-year-old is addicted to her phone. She stays on it for hours, and it's affecting the time she goes to bed. She's now starting to oversleep the alarm in the morning before school.

She's spoiled, and I'm afraid that removing or limiting phone privileges will lead to major problems with her protesting it. I don't want truant officers or social workers coming to my house because my wife and I can't discipline our kid.

How do you handle a spoiled brat without involving outside agencies? She's nice to people in school, but is lazy at home and totally self-centered. -- FRUSTRATED, EXHAUSTED DAD

DEAR DAD: You and your wife created this "monster," and now it's your job to make things right. Of course your daughter won't like it when you set rules, but you must establish some for her before your lack of parenting causes even more serious problems.

Set the rules and stick with them. If she won't follow them, there should be penalties for not doing so. Try this: Start with homework. When it's done, she can have her phone for a period of time. Inform her that if she oversleeps because she was up too late on her phone, you will take it at bedtime. And then follow through.

DEAR ABBY: I'm about to be 17 and just started living with my mom after being a runaway for three months. During that time, I made friends with people who were not good for me. However, I still feel I need to cling to these people and be there for them.

As I write this, one of the girls I was closest to is in prison and will be there for a long time. I have to pretend to be fine and act as if I don't care for her, but I do, desperately. My mom refuses to be understanding and talk about anything with me. I don't know what to do. -- TEEN IN LITTLE ROCK

DEAR TEEN: Your mother appears to belong to the ostrich school of parenting. If she doesn't hear something, it doesn't exist. Clearly, you do need to talk with someone about the feelings you're experiencing and why you feel the need to "cling to these people." Because your mother can't/won't do this, it's important that you talk to a counselor at school and ask for the help you need.