DEAR ABBY: When parents who live many miles away from their adult children visit their homes, to what extent should they be treated as "guests"? When we visit our son, our daughter-in-law gets herself a snack and then sits down to eat it and watch TV, and there we sit. She never offers us a thing. Are we expecting too much or doesn't she have any manners?

Also, when we have a meal in their home, they get their own beverages and never mention anything about what is available to us. We're not used to this kind of treatment. Have you any thoughts on how to handle this without causing any rift? -- DISRESPECTED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR DISRESPECTED: Assume that your daughter-in-law behaves this way because she doesn't know any better. As for your son, because he wasn't raised this way, he is either thoughtless, rude or following his wife's lead.

Because you're all family, things should be informal. The way to handle it is to speak up and tell your hosts that you're hungry and/or thirsty, too. If it's said with a smile, it shouldn't cause a rift.

DEAR ABBY: "Bill" and I have gone together for three years. He's a wonderful, sweet man who has never raised his voice to me. We have talked about taking our relationship to the next level. I'm hesitant because I suspect he's a high-functioning alcoholic.

Bill doesn't seem to crave a drink when he's with me, but he does crave being in bars in the company of men who sit for hours over drinks and then get out on the Interstate. I don't want to be his mother or his hall monitor, but I have begun to suspect I shadow his denial. I'm afraid I have become his enabler.

We are in our early retirement years and the thought that his drinking will get worse has made me afraid. I love Bill. I can't seem to move forward, yet I resist walking away.

We have discussed my feelings many times, and he says he has cut down the amount he drinks and there's nothing to worry about. Yet, I have this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach. -- SICK FEELING IN TEXAS

DEAR SICK FEELING: Listen to your intuition. I don't know how often Bill "craves" the company of men who sit for hours in bars becoming increasingly inebriated, but if it is more than "occasionally," then I agree you may have cause for concern.

Because of the language in your letter, it appears you are already familiar with alcoholism and how it affects relationships. It would be a good idea for you to attend some Al-Anon meetings before your relationship with Bill goes further because he may be in denial about the importance of alcohol in his life. The meetings are easy to find; Al-Anon is listed in your phone directory and can be found at al-anon.org.

DEAR ABBY: More and more I receive emails from people using the closing salutation "Best." I feel this must be incorrect. Shouldn't it be "Best Regards" or "Best Wishes"? To say simply "Best" seems somehow lacking. Best what? What is accurate? -- TANDI IN NEW HAVEN

DEAR TANDI: Closing a communication using "Best" is a shorthand version of saying "Best Wishes" or "Best Regards." It's acceptable in less-than-formal communications, and is sometimes used when someone feels that ending their email without it would seem too cold and abrupt.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter, who recently turned 21, sent me a two-word text message, "I'm pregnant." She has been dating a marijuana-smoking young man for less than a year, and I'm disappointed by this outcome.

Her sister, who is a year older, already has two children by two men. No, they weren't raised by a harlot. I adopted them when they were early elementary-aged children. It's not my fault. I'm disgusted by their choices.

I haven't talked with her yet. I won't try to lecture her or tell her how she should live her life. The time for that is over. I feel it would be best to say nothing if I can't be positive. Suggestions? -- DISGUSTED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR DISGUSTED: It would be better if you said nothing to your daughter while you are angry, or you may say something you will regret. It would not be out of line, however, to text her back and ask, "How do you and 'John' plan to support the baby?" If you don't plan to help her in any way, you should let her know now that she'll be on her own.

DEAR ABBY: Our 13-year-old is addicted to her phone. She stays on it for hours, and it's affecting the time she goes to bed. She's now starting to oversleep the alarm in the morning before school.

She's spoiled, and I'm afraid that removing or limiting phone privileges will lead to major problems with her protesting it. I don't want truant officers or social workers coming to my house because my wife and I can't discipline our kid.

How do you handle a spoiled brat without involving outside agencies? She's nice to people in school, but is lazy at home and totally self-centered. -- FRUSTRATED, EXHAUSTED DAD

DEAR DAD: You and your wife created this "monster," and now it's your job to make things right. Of course your daughter won't like it when you set rules, but you must establish some for her before your lack of parenting causes even more serious problems.

Set the rules and stick with them. If she won't follow them, there should be penalties for not doing so. Try this: Start with homework. When it's done, she can have her phone for a period of time. Inform her that if she oversleeps because she was up too late on her phone, you will take it at bedtime. And then follow through.

DEAR ABBY: I'm about to be 17 and just started living with my mom after being a runaway for three months. During that time, I made friends with people who were not good for me. However, I still feel I need to cling to these people and be there for them.

As I write this, one of the girls I was closest to is in prison and will be there for a long time. I have to pretend to be fine and act as if I don't care for her, but I do, desperately. My mom refuses to be understanding and talk about anything with me. I don't know what to do. -- TEEN IN LITTLE ROCK

DEAR TEEN: Your mother appears to belong to the ostrich school of parenting. If she doesn't hear something, it doesn't exist. Clearly, you do need to talk with someone about the feelings you're experiencing and why you feel the need to "cling to these people." Because your mother can't/won't do this, it's important that you talk to a counselor at school and ask for the help you need.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Chad," proposed two months ago, but he didn't ask my parents for my hand in marriage. My parents are upset about it.

When I realized that Chad hadn't gone to them, I asked him why. He said he was following what his father had done -- proposing first and then speaking to the parents. But Chad still hasn't done it. In fact, he has yet to be around them at all.

How do I get my boyfriend to speak to my parents? They are no longer as angry as they were, but they still would like to talk to him. I spend lots of time with Chad's family, but I can't get him to even go to lunch with mine.

Dad said that if Chad doesn't clear the air with him, he may not bother showing up at our wedding! What do I do, Abby? -- FIANCEE IN A FIX

DEAR FIANCEE: You appear to be quite young. If I were you, I would take a step backward and see this from your parents' point of view. It appears that Chad wasn't entirely honest with you when he gave his reason for not talking to them. Could he be intimidated?

When a daughter marries, most parents want to know something about the young man -- not only where he has been, but also what are his plans for the future, including where the two of you will be living and whether he has a job. That Chad is hiding from them isn't a good sign.

When most couples become engaged, the parents of the bride and groom usually get together and start to form a relationship. If your father hasn't met your fiance, it makes it harder for your parents to reach out to his. When the in-laws are friendly, it makes for a more harmonious marriage.

As it stands, it appears Chad is not interested in having any relationship with your family. Frankly, I can't blame your father for being upset about it.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I disagree on whether to tell our kids and friends how we met. When my wife and I met, she was underage. She was 16 and I was 21. We fell in love; it was true love. We have been together for 24 years. We have two beautiful children and have made a wonderful life together. I love her as much today as the first time I met her.

How should we answer people when they ask about how we met and fell in love? I know it was wrong and against the law. -- MIKE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR MIKE: You do not have to quote chapter and verse when someone asks a question. In a case like yours, you could say that you met when you were both quite young without going into the specifics.

For a 21-year-old to see a 16-year-old girl is not against the law, as long as her parents approve and they are not having sex. The laws regarding statutory rape were enacted to prevent predators from preying on minors.

DEAR ABBY: When I buy a sweater I usually get an extra button in a little clear baggie attached to the garment. Today, I bought a sweater with a piece of matching thread in the tiny plastic bag.

Why do manufacturers insist on adding something to every article of clothing even if it is just a piece of thread? -- INQUISITIVE IN ILLINOIS

DEAR INQUISITIVE: The thread is provided in case the garment needs to be rewoven in the event you get a hole in it or a tear. It's a courtesy to the customer, so stop looking a gift horse in the mouth.