DEAR ABBY: I am 36. My husband is 60. We have been together for 10 years. During the first four years we got along great, but he now says he wants to have affairs.

He texts women and tries to hide it from me. I found out he was texting his first ex-wife. It made me uncomfortable, so I asked him to stop. He didn't. When I realized he hadn't, I told him I would leave if it happens again. This kind of behavior has been going on for more than half our marriage.

I am at the point where I don't want to cuddle or be affectionate with him at all. He commented the other day that he should be allowed to have an affair because I mentioned that I find Hemingway interesting. (He was known for affairs.)

I'm at a loss. I care for my husband and don't want to hurt him. But I'm also scared that I can't afford to be on my own. A little advice? -- UNSURE IN WASHINGTON

DEAR UNSURE: Hemingway was also known for his drinking and big-game hunting. Is your husband considering doing those things, too?

If ever I heard of a couple who could benefit from marriage counseling, it's you two. As it stands, your marriage is broken. Counseling may help. If it doesn't and you don't have a job, find one and figure out a way to cut your expenses so you can afford to be on your own, because it looks like you will be.

DEAR ABBY: I am an esthetician who works as a waxing specialist. A customer of mine came in a short while ago and admitted to driving to my salon while drunk. She mentioned she had almost crashed her car getting here, and I could smell the liquor on her breath.

She is one of my regular customers, but I am very against drunk driving. How would I professionally handle this? I wanted to report it, but I didn't know what car she was driving or where she was headed. How should this be handled in the future? -- CONFLICTED IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR CONFLICTED: Because you know the woman well, you might say, "You nearly crashed your car getting here. I care about you too much to let you drive home like this. I'm calling you a taxi. Pick up your car tomorrow."

When she's sober again and comes in for her next appointment, tell her how worried you were about her. There are two ways to lose a customer. One is by offending her. The other is by letting her kill herself behind the wheel because she's so drunk she can't see straight. So let your conscience guide you.

DEAR ABBY: I have a condition that causes constant migraines. A new neighbor heard about my illness and is determined to become my second mother. She continually tries to visit, call and text even though my husband and I have asked her not to.

I dislike hurting people. How can I get her to stop her stalker-ish behavior without making this old lady my enemy? -- MY OTHER HEADACHE'S A NEIGHBOR

DEAR OTHER HEADACHE: Stop asking and tell this well-meaning woman that she's making your condition worse by continuing to call, text and visit. And while you're at it, tell her that when you're ready for company, you will contact her -- but only when you're feeling well enough to chat. If she persists after that, don't answer her calls and refuse her visits.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 53-year-old male who is fit, healthy and has a good job. I also have two failed marriages behind me, which have cost me dearly, both emotionally and financially. I have no intention of making that mistake again! I have been on my own for five years, and in that time I have had five relationships -- always with women my age (give or take a few years).

My problem is that women my age seem to have only one agenda: marriage. One very nice lady finally clarified her feelings by saying that at this time in her life, she didn't have time for "just dating" because in a few years she'd be 60.

I understand her dilemma, but I'm not interested in younger women. I try hard to make it clear at the beginning of any relationship that marriage is out of the question, and I don't proceed with the relationship unless the lady wholeheartedly agrees. But somehow I have broken five good hearts, whose only transgression was falling in love with me. -- NOBODY'S RETIREMENT HUSBAND

DEAR N.R.H.: I admire your self-image. You must be doing something right to have the ladies lining up the way they are. However, you may not be as effective a communicator as you think you are if five different women failed to get the message you said you convey. I have several thoughts about your predicament:

If your only fear of marriage is that you would again be cleaned out financially, a strong prenuptial agreement could help you avoid any problem if a third marriage didn't work. However, if variety is what you prefer, then you should restate your message every few months as these relationships blossom. (Or you could move to a monastery and stop dangling yourself in the dating pool.)

DEAR ABBY: Once a year I type my ZIP code into a website to see who the registered sex offenders are in my area so I can be better informed and protect myself and my family. A photo, address and the charges attributed to the offender are posted on the site. My jaw dropped to the floor when I saw a man listed that I work with and see quite often. The picture looked recent.

I haven't said anything to him. I have known this person for five years and thought he was a good guy who respected women. I'd like to think it was a one-time mistake and that he would never do it again. But would he?

Should I tell my teenage daughter who sometimes visits me in the office? Should I tell the other women who work here? If a co-worker knew this kind of information and showed it to me, I'd be grateful to know. What do you think I should do? -- STUNNED IN THE CITY

DEAR STUNNED: Tell your daughter to keep her distance from this co-worker. But before you drop this bombshell at the office, you should first discuss what you have learned with your employer.

DEAR ABBY: I hope you can help with this etiquette question. My son and his wife believe that when you finish a good meal, you toss your napkin on the now-empty plate. They say this sends a message that the food was great.

I do not agree. Is placing a grubby napkin on the plate inappropriate behavior or is this legit? -- NOT A NAPKIN-TOSSING DAD

DEAR DAD: Your son and his wife need to re-read the chapter on table manners in their etiquette book. When a meal is finished and the plate is empty, diners should place their used napkins on the table beside their dessert plate. It should not be placed on top of a dirty plate.

P.S. If they don't own an etiquette book, it appears they could use one.

DEAR ABBY: I just read the letter from "Twice Bitten in Washington" (Nov. 4), who had thanked veterans for their service to our country and received several negative responses. I'm a retired vet, dying from Agent Orange poisoning. I served two tours in Vietnam, and when I returned from Nam, I was called a baby killer, spat upon and refused taxi service because I was in uniform.

America has had a change in attitude since the Vietnam War. Today, many folks appreciate what the military is doing. I have been thanked several times while wearing my Vietnam Veterans hat and it makes me feel great, to the point my eyes water.

Tell "Twice Bitten" to continue thanking the military vets. It means a lot, especially to vets like me. Sure beats being called a baby killer. -- VIETNAM VET

DEAR VIETNAM VET: I received many letters like yours from Vietnam vets who were also not thanked for their service when they returned home. Like you, they very much appreciate hearing a "delayed" thanks for their service. I would like to thank you and all the readers who responded to that column with such emotional and sometimes gut-wrenching stories. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I would like to offer "Twice" an explanation for the reaction she received. I served two tours in Iraq and lost some good friends. When vets return home from war, home is a scary place. The life we lived and breathed is no longer. After spending so much time fearing the unknown and protecting ourselves physically and emotionally, we can't stop.

Many of us came home feeling guilty that we lived while others died -- ashamed that we might not have done enough, that we should have been the one who was laid to rest, that maybe if we had looked harder, fought harder, we wouldn't have lost a soldier.

When I returned home, I reacted the way "Twice" described. I was resentful that someone would take the time to honor me, but not the friends I lost. It was a long time before I realized that by honoring me with their sincere thanks, they were honoring every soldier we have ever lost. Now when I am thanked, I shake hands, I hug, and I thank them for their respect.

To "Twice": Never stop! Do not be afraid. We are not hateful or angry. We are scared and sad. Your expression of thanks means more than any parade, any medal or any award could ever mean. -- BRANDON IN INDIANA

DEAR ABBY: As a soon-to-be-retired career Army officer, I am one of those who feel awkward when people thank us for doing our jobs. The Army was a career I chose, knowing the hardships and what would be asked of me. The military is filled with all kinds of people, and even though I may not always be in the mood for a stranger to approach me when I'm out and about, deep down inside it is refreshing to know that what I do is appreciated. -- PHIL IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR ABBY: One day while walking in a cemetery, we saw an elderly gentleman leaning on the arm of his caregiver, and we realized he was looking at a veterans memorial. My wife approached and asked if he was a veteran. He looked at her and said "Yes," and she said, "Thank you very much for your service and your bravery." He immediately teared up and croaked out a "Thank you." His caregiver rolled her eyes.

My wife got into her face and said, "You have a hero on your arm, so show him some respect!" The veteran cried harder, grabbed my wife's hand and said, "No one has ever said that to me, especially my caregiver." -- KIMIT IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR READERS: May I suggest some other ways to thank vets and those currently in the military? Volunteer at a veterans hospital and bring flowers and toiletries. If you live near a base, volunteer to support the USO at your local airport to make travel more comfortable for our servicemen and women. Donate to Wounded Warriors or similar organizations, or the Veterans of Foreign Wars or Disabled American Veterans.