life

Teenager's Taxi Service Has a Disgruntled Rider

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 20th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm a high school senior. At the beginning of the school year, I agreed to drive my best friend to school in the mornings, and for a while it was nice.

Last month she started to refuse to talk while I was driving. If I tried talking to her, she wouldn't respond. She recently told her boyfriend (who she texts constantly while riding with me) that she didn't like my driving. I found out because of a post he made on Facebook. When I asked her about it, she said that morning I had slammed on the brakes and it scared her.

This has made me tense and stressed out in the mornings, and I want to stop driving her. My grandmother says I should stick it out instead of causing friction. My mom thinks I should stop driving her, but only if she can find another ride.

I tried to explain this to her, but she won't listen and I'm still stuck with her. This has ruined our relationship. I feel like she hates me, but I don't know what to do about any of it. Help! -- DRIVEN CRAZY IN FLORIDA

DEAR DRIVEN CRAZY: Your former best friend may have stopped talking to you on the way to school because she was too busy texting her boyfriend. She is ignoring the fact that you have been doing her the favor of transporting her and is using you as a private taxi service.

If she was frightened because you braked suddenly, the person she should have said it to was you. So stop "explaining" to her and tell her that if she wants to continue getting a free ride, she had better adjust her attitude or make other arrangements for transportation.

Teens
life

Help With Everyday Chores Is Best Boost For New Parents

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 20th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My daughter, the mother of a toddler, just had twins. We live four hours away, so I stayed with them for a few weeks to help her and her husband adjust to their larger family. It taught me a lot about how to help new mothers who are feeling overwhelmed.

It's not about holding the babies; everyone wants to do that. Instead, if you really want to help tired parents, do one of the following:

Take the older children to the park, the library, the zoo, to a diner for breakfast. Keep them happy and safe, and bring them home worn out.

Bring dinner or takeout when visiting. Wash, dry and fold the laundry. Get the kids ready for bed, give them their baths, read books to them and wait until they are asleep to leave.

Clean the house, run the vacuum, empty the garbage and change the beds. Buy groceries (the basics), including paper goods, and grab a box of gallon plastic bags, masking tape and Sharpies (to date frozen foods).

The gift of your time is ever so much more helpful than cute baby outfits that are quickly outgrown. Thanks, Abby! -- PROUD GRANDMA IN NEW YORK

DEAR PROUD GRANDMA: My warm congratulations on the new additions to your family. Your daughter is a lucky woman. Your letter should be clipped and saved by anyone who is looking forward to grandparenthood because it is a classic.

Family & Parenting
life

Rev. King's Wisdom Continues To Resonate

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 20th, 2014 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR READERS: Today we celebrate the birthday of the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr., the visionary civil rights leader who was assassinated in 1968. Many of his words ring as true today as when they were first spoken.

The quote I have in mind as I write this is, "All progress is precarious, and the solution of one problem brings us face-to-face with another problem." It applies to many aspects of life.

Holidays & Celebrations
life

Woman Prefers Solitary Life, Despite Husband's Protests

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 19th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: My husband, "George," and I have been married for 13 years. Last night he dropped a bombshell. He told me that while he loves me, he isn't happy. He assured me he has no inclination to divorce me, but he pretty much laid the entire reason for his unhappiness at my feet.

I don't handle people well. I love George and our son, but I am most relaxed and comfortable when I'm by myself. I don't neglect them. We do lots of stuff outside the house as a family. I have no close friends, and that's how I prefer it.

George's complaint is that I keep him from having friends. I have never tried to stop him. In fact, I have encouraged him to cultivate friendships and hang out with "the guys," join groups, etc. He says he can't do that and leave me at home. I wouldn't mind his going out, but it's nerve-racking for me to go.

Abby, in 13 years I don't think I have ever looked George or my son in the eye. It's not something I'm comfortable with. My husband knew how I was when he married me. What can I do? -- OKLAHOMA LONER

DEAR LONER: You need to find out why you are unable to look even the people closest to you in the eye. Eye contact is an important part of communication, and that you are unable to do it even with your child is of concern to me. There may be a psychological or neurological reason for it.

While it's fine for you to encourage your husband to socialize without you, it's understandable that he would feel uncomfortable doing it all the time. He isn't a bachelor. Couples usually socialize together, and the women often initiate the arranging.

If the root of your problem is a social anxiety disorder, there is help available for it. Your doctor may be able to refer you to a specialist. For the sake of your marriage and your family, please don't put it off.

Marriage & Divorce
life

Question Of Name Change Could Cloud Couple's Future

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 19th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I'm thinking about marrying my longtime boyfriend, but I'm hesitant because he wants me to change my last name. I want to keep my maiden name as my mother did. Most of the women I look up to in my life kept their names.

My boyfriend says my wanting to keep my name tells him I am not committed. He says he'd be really hurt if I did it. I feel that retaining my name is the ultimate in female empowerment. The tradition of women changing their last name goes back to when we were treated as property and not educated. What do you think I should do? -- FEMALE FIRST, WIFE SECOND

DEAR FEMALE FIRST: Women retain their maiden names for a variety of reasons: Many do it because they are established in their careers when they marry and feel a name change would be confusing. Others prefer to keep their personal and professional lives separate. This shouldn't be a contest of wills, and you should not change your name to prove the depth of your commitment.

Your boyfriend appears to be very traditional in his thinking. Stop for a moment and ask yourself what that would mean for your future if you marry him. Would he be willing to compromise if you offer to hyphenate your name with his? If he isn't, and you feel giving up your name would make you feel like chattel, then perhaps you should look for a man whose beliefs are closer to your own.

Marriage & Divorce
life

Long Friendship Suffers After Man Makes a Pass at Neighbor

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 18th, 2014 | Letter 1 of 4

DEAR ABBY: Our neighbors of 14 years watch our dog while we are away, which is quite often. They have free access to our home with the key we have given them.

Two months ago, the husband hit on me, really pushing the issue for me to have sex with him. Then he apologized like it was nothing. I was upset, scared, shocked and told my husband because I was concerned. My husband was not happy about it.

We have not been able to look at him or his wife (my friend) since then. We are all middle-aged. Should I tell her why we have been absent, or can you help me figure out what to do? -- BADLY IN NEED OF ADVICE

DEAR BADLY IN NEED: Make other plans for your dog when you travel, change the locks on your doors, and if your friend asks why you have been "absent," tell her why. She may not like to hear it, but she should know that if your friendship with her is going to continue, it will have to be without her husband being included. (She should have herself checked for STDs in case her husband has managed to get lucky with a neighbor who was willing.)

Friends & NeighborsHealth & Safety
life

Wife Questions Having Children When Husband Acts Like Big Baby

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 18th, 2014 | Letter 2 of 4

DEAR ABBY: I'm 31 and have been married to my husband for 2 1/2 years. He wants a baby in the worst way. I don't, and I have been clear about it.

Abby, my husband helps with nothing. I'm constantly cleaning, doing the laundry and cooking meals. That's OK, but I'd like some help. I have asked him many times to do things before football comes on or to take a break from Netflix and get something done. It never happens. I have been nice about it, and I have been angry.

We agreed to buy a bigger house and then have a baby, but at this rate, I already have one -- my husband! Is there any hope? -- MAMA ALREADY

DEAR MAMA ALREADY: No, I don't think so. You married a man who is lazy, or passive aggressive and angry at your refusal to have a baby, or has been so spoiled by his mother that he thinks this is a normal way to live. Counseling might help you get through to him, but I wouldn't bet on it.

Marriage & Divorce
life

Girl Feels Stuck Between Two Suitors

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 18th, 2014 | Letter 3 of 4

DEAR ABBY: I am 10 years old and I have a major boy problem. My ex (Bob) broke up with me, and I felt funny around him and a little mad. So I kind of moved on. I went to my crush who had previously asked me out, and I said yes. Now I'm stuck and I don't know what to do. I asked my mom and didn't like the answer, so now I'm asking you. -- CONFUSED GIRL IN ARKANSAS

DEAR CONFUSED GIRL: I don't know what your mother told you, but here's my advice: At 10, you're too young to be in an exclusive relationship with anyone. Because you regret saying yes to your crush, tell him your mother disapproves and you cannot go against her wishes.

TeensLove & Dating
life

Taco Question Looms Large In Reader's Mind

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | January 18th, 2014 | Letter 4 of 4

DEAR ABBY: Can you please tell me the proper way to eat a taco salad? Do you crunch up the taco bowl, eat everything out of it and then eat the taco bowl? I asked my husband, and he said to ask you. -- TRACI IN AMSTERDAM, N.Y.

DEAR TRACI: There are no rules of etiquette governing how to eat a taco salad. However, when I order one, I usually eat the contents of the bowl, then chip off pieces of the tortilla if I still have enough room to nibble. I have also seen diners order the salad and ask that it be served on a salad plate ("Hold the taco!") in order to save a few calories.

Etiquette & Ethics

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