DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my wife for a year and a half, and we have an infant child. I work while my wife stays home. My problem is she doesn't like me playing sports and hanging out with friends.

I have tried to make concessions and cut down playing sports to once a week. (I used to play two or three times a week, but that's not good enough for my wife.) On game night, when I get home she gives me the silent treatment. She used to come to my games but won't now, even though she has girlfriends who attend them.

As for hanging out with my friends, I barely see them anymore -- and when I do, they come here. If they stay any longer than 30 minutes, it causes a problem and my wife again won't talk to me for the rest of the night.

I have tried to compromise, but she feels as though any time I spend away from her and the baby is a no-no. Am I wrong to want to play sports and see my guy friends? I have tried talking to her about this, but she thinks any compromise is basically me doing what I want and her having to deal with it. -- ONTARIO, CANADA, READER

DEAR READER: You should not become a couch potato or become isolated from your friends because you are married and a parent. And neither should your wife. She may resent the time you spend with your friends because she's stuck at home taking care of the baby. You are her only adult company, and in a way she may be jealous that you're enjoying freedom that she can't.

Your wife should not be doing all the parenting. One day or evening a week you should take care of the baby while she takes a break with her friends or family. It could do wonders for your relationship.

If you can agree on this, it could save your marriage. If you can't, then the two of you should get counseling. Marriage isn't supposed to put people in isolation -- and that's what it appears your wife is trying to accomplish with you.

DEAR ABBY: For the past 10 years, the holiday season has brought with it arguments between my wife and me. We both get along with our in-laws and do many things with both sides of our families. But for some reason, my wife makes arrangements for the holidays without discussing them with me first. This year, she told her mom we would host Thanksgiving and that I would have to tell my family we wouldn't be coming to them.

My wife's sisters are not close to their in-laws. Am I wrong to think she should have discussed the matter with me before deciding unilaterally what we're doing for the holidays? Our kids need to see all their grandparents on Thanksgiving and Christmas. Oh -- our parents live only seven minutes from each other. -- HOLIDAY BLUES IN WISCONSIN

DEAR HOLIDAY BLUES: What your wife did was inconsiderate. You are a couple, and she should have discussed her plan with you before issuing any invitations to see if you were in agreement. If your home is too small to accommodate both sets of in-laws at the same time, a compromise would be to alternate holidays with each set so no family feels excluded.

DEAR ABBY: Is it acceptable to wear a silver dress to a wedding if you are going as a guest and not a member of the bridal party? Or is silver too close to white and therefore taboo? -- INVITEE IN COLLEGE PARK, MD.

DEAR INVITEE: The rule is that wedding guests should not wear anything that might distract attention from the bride. If your dress is silver lame or covered in silver sequins, it would be better to dress less conspicuously.

DEAR ABBY: I married "Larry" five years ago, and he is good to me. I have two beautiful grandchildren who are my daughter's. If I don't see them once a week I miss them. (They are 2 1/2 and 16 months old.) Larry doesn't miss the babies or want to see them once a week. Sometimes when they come to the house, he doesn't speak to them or play with them. He says he wants his peace and quiet at the house.

Larry's great with the babies in public. He is also good about playing with our friends' kids. But he doesn't want the grandchildren to spend the night here because he doesn't want his sleep disturbed. (He can get up at 4 a.m. to go fishing, though.)

He has two sons and doesn't mind if he hears from them only twice a year. He's the type of person who says what he thinks without caring if it's rude or hurtful. If you don't like him, he can live without being friends with you. No one comes to visit us at our home.

I miss my family, my daughter and the babies. Do I leave? -- UNHAPPY IN THE SUNSHINE STATE

DEAR UNHAPPY: If you are the one making all the concessions, make a list of Larry's good qualities, and then make one that includes how he refuses to compromise, makes you feel lonely and isolated, and says things without regard to whether they are hurtful to others. Place them side by side, and you will have your answer.

DEAR ABBY: After recently meeting my older brother's male roommate, a few things occurred that make me wonder if my brother is gay. Whether he is or not doesn't matter to me, and I don't feel it's my business to find out unless he chooses to share it with me.

Although I am a strong supporter of the gay and lesbian community, my concern is that because we were raised in an extremely conservative home, my brother may think I still hold those beliefs and may be reluctant to confide in me. I don't want to make a wrong assumption about his sexuality, nor do I want to force him out of the closet before he's ready. How can I let him know I support him, no matter what, without crossing the line? -- LIBERAL GIRL IN TEXAS

DEAR LIBERAL GIRL: There are ways to communicate your feelings to your brother without being direct. If you are still in school, consider joining a gay/straight alliance. If you see something in the news about a gay issue, call it to his attention and say something positive. Or, if you think that might make him uncomfortable, how about giving him a hug and telling him how lucky you feel to have him as a brother and that you will love him forever? (Come to think of it, a straight sibling might also appreciate hearing it.)

DEAR ABBY: Does being invited to an engagement party "guarantee" you will also be invited to the wedding? -- LOOKING AHEAD IN WASHINGTON, D.C.

DEAR LOOKING AHEAD: Yes, it does. And for that not to happen is a huge breach of etiquette on the part of whoever is hosting the wedding, whether it's the bride's parents or the couple themselves.

DEAR ABBY: A couple of years ago, my husband informed me that he likes to dress in women's clothing. Since then he has read books, is seeing a counselor, and the reality is, he is transgender. He now wears his hair long and has long fingernails.

I have tried to be understanding and have gone places with him when he is dressed as a woman. He has met other transgender people who have either made the full transition or are content without it. I allow my husband time with these new friends without me. I did feel weird that he was clothes shopping and going to movies with his new friends.

I have reconciled with these activities and I'm OK with them so far. But I have told him that if he decides to change his gender to female, I will not be able to be married to him. He's on hormones at the moment and has told me he plans to start testosterone blockers.

I love him, Abby, but not the woman side of him. Am I unreasonable to put a boundary on my marriage? He thinks if he slowly eases me into the idea that it will be OK. He says I am his "world" and I should love him no matter what gender he is. Am I being selfish? -- SOMEWHERE IN THE NORTHWEST

DEAR SOMEWHERE: You appear to be a loving and accepting wife. You may be your husband's world, but his world is changing -- and along with it, so is yours. It is not selfish to take care of yourself. You did not enter your marriage to be partnered with another woman, and you should not be made to feel guilty remaining with one if it's not what you want. Some spouses stay together; others just can't.

If you haven't heard of the Straight Spouse Network, it is a confidential support network of current or former heterosexual spouses or partners of gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender mates. It was founded in 1991, and its mission is to help straight spouses or partners cope with coming-out issues, and help mixed-orientation couples and their children build bridges of understanding. To learn more about it and find a support group near you, visit www.straightspouse.org.

DEAR ABBY: I have always had an extremely close relationship with my little sister. Last year, I graduated from high school and left for university. It was hard for both of us. My college is an hour away from where my family lives, so even though I live on campus, I try to come home whenever I can to visit on weekends.

Lately it seems like my little sister has emotionally distanced herself from me. She doesn't confide in me anymore, shows little interest in my life, and it has gotten to the point where she barely acknowledges me in public. I have tried talking to her about it and telling her how much it hurts me, but she tells me I'm overreacting and to stop being stupid.

My mom says she does this with everyone and that this is typical for a 14-year-old teenager, but it breaks my heart to be so excluded from her life. Is this just a phase I have to learn to deal with and accept? What should I do? -- SAD BIG SISTER IN SWITZERLAND

DEAR BIG SISTER: Your sister is growing up, and part of that process means becoming an individual. Right now she is trying to figure out who she is, apart from the family she loves -- including you. I'm sure she isn't intentionally trying to hurt your feelings. Because you were so close, she may have felt abandoned when you left for college. Your mother is right about this. Let your sister evolve. She'll be back. Accept it for now.