DEAR ABBY: My 17-year-old daughter, "Erica," is planning to marry her 24-year-old boyfriend. I use the term "boyfriend" loosely because their relationship consists entirely of texting, talking on the phone and the Internet. There has been no dating or getting to know each other in person. Erica is intent on marrying this man even though he has lied to her several times in addition to having lied to us. She is planning to attend a four-year college.

I'm not sure how to handle this. She hid the relationship from us for more than six months. I realize Erica needs to make her own mistakes, but I'm not sure how to make her understand my very real concern about this.

I have raised other children who went through various phases of teenage rebellion, but we were able to reach a general compromise on all types of behavior. However, she is unwilling to discuss the possibility of waiting. Any advice would be appreciated. -- NEEDS HELP IN VIRGINIA

DEAR NEEDS HELP: If Erica were my daughter, I'd suggest that because this relationship is so serious it's time you both paid a visit to her intended. Assuming her father is in the picture, he should be there, too. The subject of who will be paying for college should be discussed, and whether Erica will be able to continue her education if she should become pregnant. It may give her a glimpse of exactly what she's letting herself in for before the wedding.

Of course the three of you will want to meet as many of his family and friends as possible. Because Erica won't listen to reason, perhaps seeing will bring her back down to earth. This will also give you (all) a chance to find out what else her "boyfriend" may have been lying about, including his age.

DEAR ABBY: What do I do about my husband's cruelty to our cat? My children love "Miss Kitty," but their dad kicks her and terrorizes the poor little thing to the point where I don't think I can protect her any longer, especially when I'm not home.

I have told the kids that Dad is wrong and not to be like him, but I'm afraid eventually they may think it's OK to mistreat animals. What should I do? -- CALIFORNIA ANIMAL LOVER

DEAR ANIMAL LOVER: Find Miss Kitty a good home ASAP! Your husband appears to have sociopathic tendencies. Does he exhibit them in any other ways? A man who mistreats animals might also abuse children if they should get in his way or he is in a bad mood.

Of course, your children will be upset when you give their beloved pet away. Explain that it had to be done because she wasn't safe around their father.

DEAR ABBY: My sister informed me today that her children have registered at Toys R Us, and has instructed me to purchase only the toys on their registry for Christmas! Apparently, this is the new way to shop.

Abby, I have never told anyone what to buy my kids, and I'm appalled by this new idea of a Christmas registry. I try very hard to buy great Christmas gifts that my loved ones will enjoy. Am I wrong to think this is rude? -- APPALLED SHOPPER

DEAR APPALLED: I agree your sister's request is presumptuous. But I suppose a Christmas registry is a natural progression from wedding and baby registries. There wouldn't be a Toys R Us registry if it wasn't a successful sales tool for people who don't like to shop. Because you are not one of them, and Christmas shopping brings you pleasure, I suggest you do as you wish.

P.S. Let's see how Sissy responds when you let her know you have adopted her idea and will register at Tiffany's on your next birthday.

DEAR ABBY: As the education director of the East Bay Bicycle Coalition, I work hard to encourage safe and courteous cycling for everyday transportation in Northern California. There are a number of points I would like to address to "Caring Reader, Sacramento, Calif." (Sept. 13).

"Caring" described seeing bicyclists run stop signs, not wear protective gear, texting/talking on cellphones, and suggested a greater enforcement of the law. Rolling through stop signs is, indeed, just as illegal as it is while driving a vehicle, except in Idaho where cyclists may treat stop signs as yields. I encourage all cyclists and drivers to come to a complete stop at signs and signals, even when turning right, and especially when pedestrians are present.

Talking or texting on a cellphone while biking isn't currently illegal in the state of California. I feel that using cellphones while biking is an unsafe practice, and I encourage cyclists (or drivers) to simply pull over before making or taking a call.

Helmets are required gear only for bicyclists under the age of 18 in California. As an adult, I choose to wear one when I'm biking. However, it is not illegal for an adult to bike without a helmet.

You said in your response that people who cycle at night should avoid wearing dark clothes to increase their visibility, but clothes color alone has been shown to have little or no effect on visibility in dark conditions. During low-light times of day like dawn or dusk, wearing bright or fluorescent clothes is a good strategy, but at night bicyclists should rely on lights and reflectors to be seen.

The law in California stipulates that bicyclists must have a white headlight, a red rear reflector and yellow or white reflectors on their wheels or spokes as well as on their pedals, shoes or ankles. However, I also recommend adding to these required items: a red rear light, and additional lights and reflectors at the front, rear and sides of the bike, or on one's clothing or helmet. Highlighting one's silhouette with lights and reflectors, and applying them to moving parts of one's bike or body, will increase visibility substantially after dark.

Abby, thanks for your attention to these issues. -- ROBERT PRINZ, OAKLAND, CALIF.

DEAR MR. PRINZ: You're welcome. And thank you for kindly sharing your expertise with my readers.

DEAR ABBY: Last year, my 40-year-old stepson, "Rod," gave his father a beautiful robe for Christmas. The problem is, we had given the robe to Rod for Christmas several years ago. I didn't say anything at the time, but, of course, I recognized it because I was the one who had bought it for him.

Should I have said anything? Or was I right to have played dumb (which is what I did)?

Rod has "saved" other presents we have given him and regifted them to us years later. This man has a high-paying job and isn't hurting for money. I think what he's doing is insulting. I have suggested not exchanging gifts, but he ignores me. What can I do about this in the future? -- "RECYCLEE" IN THE SOUTH

DEAR "RECYCLEE": Rod may have forgotten that he got the robe from you. As I see it, you have two choices. You can be offended, or you can turn it into a joke. For this Christmas, give him the robe back.

DEAR ABBY: I'm considering marrying a man who is divorced. We get along great, and I love and trust him.

Is it ever appropriate to call the ex and discuss her side of the story? Or should I ask my boyfriend what she'd say if I were to contact her? -- COVERING MY BASES IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR COVERING YOUR BASES: If you call the ex, you can count on hearing something negative about your boyfriend or they wouldn't be exes. Also, the things the ex might consider to be flaws may be the qualities you love best about him.

That you would say you love and trust your boyfriend, and in the next sentence indicate you're considering a chat with his former wife, makes me wonder how deep your level of trust is. However, if your gut tells you to do some digging, then you should listen to it -- even if it results in an argument, which it probably will.

DEAR ABBY: I'm proud of my daughter, "Celia." She has a master's degree, a successful career and is soon to be married to a wonderful man.

Through three moves my wife and I have cared for our daughter's one-ton-plus of "stuff," which includes the big dollhouse her grandpa built, her doll collection, high school and college memorabilia, her diaries, dishes for her future home, etc. When she visited, I'd ask her to sort through the boxes and throw some things out. Didn't happen.

My wife and I have downsized to a condo. The room that was supposed to be my "man cave" is half-filled with Celia's things. It is TIME!

Should I request that our daughter pay for storage, or rent a U-Haul so I can deliver a one-ton-plus "wedding gift"? -- DISGRUNTLED DAD IN WASHINGTON STATE

DEAR DAD: I can think of few things that would destroy the ambiance of a man cave more than a dollhouse. With a successful career, your daughter can afford to pay for a storage unit for her memorabilia. Set a date by which it must be out of your condo, with the understanding that if it isn't, you will dispose of it. You should not have to deliver it to her. You have been patient long enough, and the responsibility is hers.

DEAR ABBY: I am a longtime practicing Pagan. Because of the media, Pagans are considered to be evil devil-worshippers instead of the nature-loving people with knowledge of home remedies we are. This makes it difficult in the dating world.

A friend of mine wants to hook me up with a friend of his. When is it appropriate to tell the gentleman that I'm a practicing Pagan? I dress like everyone else, so at first glance you wouldn't suspect my religion isn't Christian. -- LOVER OF NATURE

DEAR LOVER OF NATURE: Nothing compels you and a stranger to get into a discussion about religious beliefs on a first date, but you should mention it when the opportunity arises. If the man seems to be put off by it, suggest he consult patheos.com, an online library on the subject of religions, in which there is a section describing Paganism, its practices and origins. It should make for a stimulating discussion.