DEAR ABBY: I was married to a man who ruled my every move. After years of torture and abuse, I finally became frightened enough to leave. Since then I have met a wonderful, caring, loving man who I wouldn't trade for the world. He treats me with kindness, respect and love. He makes me laugh and smile and appreciate life. I am allowed to be myself and function how I will. I am happier than I have ever been.

My question is, sometimes I miss my emotionally and physically abusive ex. I have no desire to be with him, but after all those years, it's hard to adjust some days.

Is something wrong with me? I would never leave my current relationship for my ex. I feel like I have found my soul mate. But these lingering thoughts trouble me. Am I normal? What do I do? I don't have a girlfriend to confide in. -- FOUND MY SOUL MATE

DEAR FOUND: I'm touched that you would confide in me. Yes, you are normal. Time has a way of dulling emotional pain, and with time we tend to gloss over unpleasantness. Your ex may not have been brutal and controlling all the time, and you are remembering the happier times.

I don't think that what you are missing has much to do with him. What you may be missing is the adrenaline rush you got from the drama.

DEAR ABBY: I had an inappropriate relationship with a senior officer at the firm where I work. It ended a year ago. I was married at the time -- I am now divorced -- and he is married.

Occasionally during the past year, he has made advances, but I rejected them. However, today his advances were persistent and almost demanding. For the first time, I felt a little threatened.

I don't want to cause trouble for him, his job and certainly not his family. But what do I do? I'd like to think he has gotten the message, but what if it continues? I like the guy; I'm just not interested anymore. -- DON'T WANT TROUBLE

DEAR DON'T WANT TROUBLE: It appears "Romeo" hasn't quite gotten the message, so it's time to make explicit your wishes in this matter. If he continues to persist, then you will have to report it to human resources.

DEAR ABBY: I have a great husband who has only one quirk. He often forgets to zip his fly. At home, who cares? But it happens in public too often and creates an uncomfortable scene when my friends are around.

Should I be hard on him, or just sympathize and keep my mouth shut? And what should I do when it's clear that he's the only one who doesn't know? -- JUST ZIP IT

DEAR JUST ZIP IT: Has your husband always forgotten to zip his fly, or is his forgetfulness something recent? If it is recent, and you have noticed other lapses in what should be automatic behavior, then it is time he had a neurological evaluation by a physician.

Because this happens with some frequency, work out a code with him to remind him his fly is open -- or take him aside and quietly point out that he needs to make an adjustment.

DEAR READERS: Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and no Thanksgiving would be complete without the traditional prayer penned by my dear mother:

Oh, Heavenly Father,

We thank Thee for food and remember the hungry.

We thank Thee for health and remember the sick.

We thank Thee for friends and remember the friendless.

We thank Thee for freedom and remember the enslaved.

May these remembrances stir us to service,

That Thy gifts to us may be used for others.

Amen.

Have a safe and happy celebration, everyone! -- Love, ABBY

TO MY JEWISH READERS: At sundown the eight days of Hanukkah begin. I can't believe how early it has fallen this year. To all of you I wish a joyous Festival of Lights!

DEAR ABBY: May I address a question you printed on July 24? "Where Are the Good Guys?" has trouble meeting men and wrote about seeking sexual partners on Craigslist. You answered that there were no good men there.

Well, I met my boyfriend of two years through a "no strings attached" ad I posted on Craigslist. It turns out we had a strong attraction and chemistry, and he's one of my best friends. So what if we were adults who wanted a casual relationship to start with? Don't judge everyone that way.

The reason that woman is having problems is she's using the site to find sex partners when she really wants more. She needs to look in the "relationship" section or on a relationship site. Don't blame men for wanting to have sex when that's what she's advertising. They aren't all "bad." They are actually more truthful than she is. -- HAPPILY COUPLED IN OMAHA

DEAR HAPPILY COUPLED: I heard from many readers who described successful relationships that started online. I did not mean to imply that there are no good men on Craigslist. My concern was the writer was looking for a meaningful, lasting relationship in a category where people look for casual sex. Others identified with "W.A.T.G.G.'s" problem and were quick to offer their views:

DEAR ABBY: I'm a female, 59, and like the woman in that letter, also not considered beautiful. But I do have two very good men friends in my life, and I met them both online.

There are men of quality out there. You just have to be careful and read between the lines. Abby, online personals are the new "bar scene." -- DONNA IN MISSOURI

DEAR ABBY: While I agree with you that she should talk to a psychologist about her low self-esteem, it is possible to find a true partner online if you are dedicated and serious. I subscribed to a dating service 3 1/2 years ago and met a wonderful woman on the site. We are married now and expecting our first baby. -- HAPPY HUSBAND IN MIAMI

DEAR ABBY: "Where Are the Good Guys?" says she's "not beautiful by any means," and that means meeting good guys won't happen. That is so not the case!

I was a homecoming queen and have always been attractive, but many of the men I dated married plainer women because they were looking for wife-and-mother types and not a high-maintenance beauty queen. You don't meet the "right" men because of your looks; you meet them in the right places where you have common interests -- church, volunteer work and all the other places that Dear Abby keeps telling folks about! -- RUTH IN VIRGINIA

DEAR ABBY: When I was younger, I had problems with low self-esteem and also engaged in a series of meaningless relationships. From past experience, I strongly encourage this lady to have herself checked for STDs if she had unprotected sex with any of these men. Making sure you protect your health is a major step in learning to love and care for yourself. Also, when Mr. Right does come along, she won't have to worry about her health status hanging over her head. -- HAVE REALLY BEEN THERE IN DENVER

DEAR ABBY: I'm a "good guy," and there are many other guys like me. If she would put in the time and effort to talk to one of us, get to know us, she will find what she's looking for. I am so sick of women saying they want a nice guy and then running in the opposite direction. Her words say one thing, but her actions say something else. -- OUT HERE WAITING IN CLEVELAND

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating my boyfriend, "Jose," for a year. Before that, we were friends for five years. Ever since I've known him, he and his half-sister, "Blanca," have danced together at parties. We're all in our mid-20s.

They dance salsa, merengue and other styles of music together. I used to think it was cute, but now that Jose and I are a couple, I find it annoying and a little creepy. He says Blanca loves to dance and can't always find good partners.

She gets mad when he dances with me instead of her during her favorite songs. I told Jose he can dance only with me at the parties or only with her. Not both. I don't want to share him, and honestly, people joke that it's incestuous.

How can I make him understand how much this bothers me? What can I say to his half-sister when she gives me the evil eye? My relationship with her is friendly, but it was better before I started dating her half-brother. -- TAKES ONLY TWO TO TANGO

DEAR TAKES ONLY TWO: If you want to hang onto Jose, simmer down and be less heavy-handed. Dictating who he can dance with only makes you appear to be jealous, insecure and controlling.

Because he and Blanca have danced together for so long, it's understandable that she expects to dance with him. My advice is to be gracious and hold onto your temper, because if you don't, your relationship with Blanca will no longer be friendly, and it could cost you your boyfriend.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law is a good person, but she never wants to be around us or our children. She lives only 30 minutes away, has only one child (my husband) and has been widowed for more than five years. She has never called our house, didn't visit when the kids were born and usually mails gift cards at birthdays and Christmas.

My own mother died a few months ago. Our kids are almost 13 and 10, so they're not babies anymore. I try to reach out to her, but she is cold and not responsive. What else can I do? -- NO GRANDMA IN AUSTIN, TEXAS

DEAR NO GRANDMA: What does your husband think about this? Has his mother always been this way? Could the problem be that she dislikes you or is disappointed in her son?

There is no way to force a connection on someone who is unwilling, and I'm not sure you would even want to. It appears your mother-in-law isn't maternal and prefers her independence. I'm sorry that your feelings are hurt, but if you crave closeness with an older woman, you will have to look elsewhere to find it.

DEAR ABBY: My family is having a Thanksgiving conundrum. My uncle and his wife have offered to host the holiday. My uncle hesitated about having it because he recently lost his job. My grandmother decided that each couple should chip in $50 to pay for the dinner. (The total amount will be $300.) We will all make and bring dishes with us as well. Their children are not being asked to pay anything.

My grandmother thinks this is a good idea because it would cost us more than $50 to go out to dinner for Thanksgiving, but some of us think it's odd that we're being charged to attend our family's dinner. No one else in the family is able or willing to host, so the only other option would be going to a restaurant. Any thoughts? -- TURKEY TROUBLES IN PHILADELPHIA

DEAR TURKEY TROUBLES: Just this -- pay up! And while you're offering thanks at the dinner table, be grateful that the person in need of financial help this holiday season isn't you.