DEAR ABBY: I have been dating my boyfriend, "Jose," for a year. Before that, we were friends for five years. Ever since I've known him, he and his half-sister, "Blanca," have danced together at parties. We're all in our mid-20s.

They dance salsa, merengue and other styles of music together. I used to think it was cute, but now that Jose and I are a couple, I find it annoying and a little creepy. He says Blanca loves to dance and can't always find good partners.

She gets mad when he dances with me instead of her during her favorite songs. I told Jose he can dance only with me at the parties or only with her. Not both. I don't want to share him, and honestly, people joke that it's incestuous.

How can I make him understand how much this bothers me? What can I say to his half-sister when she gives me the evil eye? My relationship with her is friendly, but it was better before I started dating her half-brother. -- TAKES ONLY TWO TO TANGO

DEAR TAKES ONLY TWO: If you want to hang onto Jose, simmer down and be less heavy-handed. Dictating who he can dance with only makes you appear to be jealous, insecure and controlling.

Because he and Blanca have danced together for so long, it's understandable that she expects to dance with him. My advice is to be gracious and hold onto your temper, because if you don't, your relationship with Blanca will no longer be friendly, and it could cost you your boyfriend.

DEAR ABBY: My mother-in-law is a good person, but she never wants to be around us or our children. She lives only 30 minutes away, has only one child (my husband) and has been widowed for more than five years. She has never called our house, didn't visit when the kids were born and usually mails gift cards at birthdays and Christmas.

My own mother died a few months ago. Our kids are almost 13 and 10, so they're not babies anymore. I try to reach out to her, but she is cold and not responsive. What else can I do? -- NO GRANDMA IN AUSTIN, TEXAS

DEAR NO GRANDMA: What does your husband think about this? Has his mother always been this way? Could the problem be that she dislikes you or is disappointed in her son?

There is no way to force a connection on someone who is unwilling, and I'm not sure you would even want to. It appears your mother-in-law isn't maternal and prefers her independence. I'm sorry that your feelings are hurt, but if you crave closeness with an older woman, you will have to look elsewhere to find it.

DEAR ABBY: My family is having a Thanksgiving conundrum. My uncle and his wife have offered to host the holiday. My uncle hesitated about having it because he recently lost his job. My grandmother decided that each couple should chip in $50 to pay for the dinner. (The total amount will be $300.) We will all make and bring dishes with us as well. Their children are not being asked to pay anything.

My grandmother thinks this is a good idea because it would cost us more than $50 to go out to dinner for Thanksgiving, but some of us think it's odd that we're being charged to attend our family's dinner. No one else in the family is able or willing to host, so the only other option would be going to a restaurant. Any thoughts? -- TURKEY TROUBLES IN PHILADELPHIA

DEAR TURKEY TROUBLES: Just this -- pay up! And while you're offering thanks at the dinner table, be grateful that the person in need of financial help this holiday season isn't you.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have the same argument every year around Thanksgiving. He says there is a difference between stuffing and dressing. I say they're the same thing, except that stuffing is baked in the turkey, while dressing is baked separately in a casserole dish.

My husband insists I'm wrong -- that the difference has nothing to do with how it's cooked. He thinks stuffing is made with regular bread, while dressing is made with cornbread.

The debate is driving me crazy. Will you please tell me who is right? -- STUFFING VS. DRESSING IN OHIO

DEAR STUFFING VS. DRESSING: The terms "dressing" and "stuffing" are interchangeable. They refer to a seasoned mixture used to stuff meat or poultry. It makes no difference what kind of bread is used.

Some tips: If you plan to stuff your turkey, be sure all the ingredients are pre-cooked (i.e. vegetables, fruit, meat, seafood). Using pasteurized liquid eggs is safer than using raw eggs. The bird should be loosely stuffed, not packed because stuffing expands while cooking, and the turkey should be stuffed right before it is put into the oven, never ahead of time.

The stuffing takes the longest of the bird's components to reach the desired safe temperature (165 degrees). Once the stuffing is in the turkey, it should not be removed until the turkey is ready to be carved.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have lived here for 20 years, and so have our lovely, gracious and caring neighbors. We haven't had any new neighbors for years -- until now.

My husband has met the couple in passing, but I haven't yet. There has been a lot of activity over there, what with moving in, etc. As a neighbor, when and how should I approach them and offer my welcome to the neighborhood? Should I bring them something? If so, what's the best thing? -- KATE IN QUINCY, MASS.

DEAR KATE: I can tell by your question that the folks in your neighborhood are indeed "lovely, gracious and caring." The first thing you should bring the new neighbors is a warm smile. And it wouldn't hurt if along with it you brought a plate of edible treats and an offer to refer them to the nearest market, dry cleaner, your shoe repair shop and a reliable plumber.

DEAR ABBY: My dad came into my room and told me he and my mom were having problems -- that they were thinking about getting divorced. I can't imagine living without them or having to choose who I want to live with. Every child needs her mother, but Dad is the one who has always been there for me. Should I just live with my grandparents and see how that works out? What should I do? -- BAFFLED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR BAFFLED: It was wrong of your father to talk to you about this before anything had been decided between him and your mother. I realize that my telling you not to worry about this would do no good because being upset is perfectly natural in these circumstances. Your father may have spoken prematurely, so keep that in mind.

You should talk to both of your parents about this. If you are close to your grandparents, discuss it with them, too, since you feel you might like to live with them to avoid hurting either parent.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 15-year-old girl. Recently I made a new friend, "Mandy," and confided to her about my dark past of depression. When I explained how I used to cut myself, she burst into tears and told me she had cut herself the day before. I didn't expect that response.

I know from experience that what Mandy is doing is not a good way to handle things. What stopped me from cutting was getting a permanent scar from it. Although plenty of people told me that cutting was no way to deal with my pain, the only one I listened to in the end was myself.

I really want Mandy to stop. I told her not to do it, but I'm afraid she will anyway. She's an amazing person, and she doesn't deserve the pain she is causing herself. How can I help her? -- BEEN THERE IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR BEEN THERE: Continue encouraging your friend to stop cutting, but if she's not able to, she may need professional help to quit. It is nothing to be ashamed of.

A counselor at school might be able to help if Mandy is willing to talk to one. But if she isn't, then tell your mother about this so she can let Mandy's mother know what's going on. Cutting can be a sign of serious depression, and secrets of this kind are destructive.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 19 and in college on a scholarship. I have decided to declare an art major. I have found a part-time job that will give me a little extra income -- figure modeling for some of the art classes. This would include both clothed and nude modeling.

It isn't the only job I plan on taking, but it will help me out for the time being. Studying the human figure is essential for any art student, and it is something that has been done for centuries. When I told my parents, it was not well-received.

My mother strongly disagreed with my choice and handed the phone to my sister, who told me if I want to take my clothes off I should be a stripper. Abby, this hurt me deeply. My dad is worried that it will ruin my reputation. I find it hypocritical because my mom was an art major and her portfolio contains nude figures she drew.

My school is diligent about the safety and respect of its models, and I trust them. I'd like to take this job for the experience, and it will allow me to make more connections within the department I'll be studying in for the next two years.

I'm not looking for my parents' approval, but I wish they would attempt to understand. What would you suggest? -- SERIOUS STUDENT IN VIRGINIA

DEAR SERIOUS STUDENT: Having studied figure drawing myself years ago, I can attest to the fact that models of all ages were used -- both nude and clothed. There was nothing lurid or sexual about it, and the models were not posed in a suggestive manner or being ogled.

If you wish to display your body in the context of an art class, you shouldn't have to justify it to your parents or your sister. Your mother appears to have a short memory, and your sister's comment was out of line.

DEAR ABBY: My 12-year-old son still calls me Mommy. My daughter, who is two years older, calls me Mom. I don't want to hurt my son's feelings, but I think at his age he should transition to calling me Mom. What do you think? Should I just give it time, or is there an age limit for calling one's mother Mommy? -- JUST MOM IN FLORIDA

DEAR JUST MOM: I think you should keep your mouth shut. There is nothing shameful or wrong about a son calling his mother Mommy if that is what he has done all his life. Frankly, it's rather sweet, and it's far more loving than some of the names people have written to me when referring to their mothers.