DEAR ABBY: For 2 1/2 years I have taken care of my daughter without the help of her father. He pays child support only when the courts threaten to throw him in jail, but he never comes to see her. When he does come by, it's not to see or spend time with her, it's to try and get sex from me. Sometimes I give in and give it to him as an itch to scratch.

He recently got "married" and now has four other children. The last time he was over, I noticed that he has all his children's initials tattooed on his arm except our daughter's, and it bothered me.

I only want what is best for my little girl, and I have made it clear that if he isn't a part of her life now, that he needs to stay away until she's an adult. I don't want her to be hurt by a part-time or sometimes dad. I guess my question is, is it OK to be angry that he doesn't recognize her as his child but does his other four? -- PO'D IN OHIO

DEAR PO'D: Oh, goodness gracious, yes. And because you don't want your child to be hurt by this man, I'm advising you to quit being his booty call. There are other ways to scratch an itch, depending upon whose itch it is. If you continue seeing him under these circumstances, you could wind up being the mother of another one of his children, God forbid.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing this hoping that anyone who is in a supervisory position at work will see it and think before pressuring employees to buy popcorn, cookies, wrapping paper, trinkets, chocolate bars, etc., for their children's schools or organizations. This is extortion. I have tried saying, "No, thank you," but I get such a bad attitude from my supervisor that I end up ordering something -- usually the cheapest item -- to avoid the drama.

I can't afford to drop $20 here and there on items I wouldn't otherwise buy or eat. It's a lot of money to employees who haven't had wage or benefit increases in more than four years. I can barely keep my car filled with gas and have to unroll coins sometimes to pick up food for dinner a day or two before payday.

Please tell bosses and managers not to solicit sales from employees. It's tacky! -- TURNED OFF IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR TURNED OFF: I'm happy to get the word out because I agree that the sales tactic your supervisor is using is tacky. Parents who do this for their children deny the kids the experience of doing the selling and learning to cope with rejection if prospective customers don't buy.

Because you don't have $20 to spare, you might be able to deflect the "attitude" by offering a small donation -- a dollar or two -- to the cause. But if you can't spare any money, then stiffen your spine and don't let yourself be made to feel guilty. Buying things you don't need is not part of your job description.

DEAR ABBY: My sister-in-law wrote the following to my husband in a birthday card: "I couldn't find a card that really fit you. None of them said 'sweet, kind, sexy, lovable, friendly, intelligent, or one of the best brothers-in-law ever,' so I'm telling you in my own words. If I could get ahold of my husband's money, I'd send you on a cruise."

Was this appropriate? I don't think so. My husband says she didn't mean anything. Help? -- SHOCKED IN TENNESSEE

DEAR SHOCKED: Speaking of cruises, throw your sister-in-law a lifesaver, because I think she went overboard.

DEAR ABBY: I was picked on and bullied as a child. I was very insecure and dealt with low self-esteem. Through counseling I was able to overcome these issues to become a successful wife and mother. My question is, how do I prevent this from happening to my children without being an overprotective "bear" of a mom? -- MAMA BEAR IN NEW YORK

DEAR MAMA BEAR: Children with high self-esteem are less likely to be the targets of bullies. More often it's the child whose self-esteem is fragile to begin with who becomes the victim.

Children learn self-esteem from the way their parents treat them. Tell your children you love them, talk to them, read to them, listen to them and give them your undivided attention. And when they do something right, praise them.

If you teach your children respect for others and how to be independent, they will be less likely to be bullied. When they are old enough to have unsupervised access to their cellphones and online activities, you should also monitor them for any indication that they are being harassed or harassing another child.

DEAR ABBY: I invited my sister "Alina" and her husband from out of town for Thanksgiving because they had no plans. I then extended an invitation to my other sister, "Marilyn," and her husband if they had no plans. Marilyn told me later that her daughter, son-in-law and two grandchildren will be coming in from out of town, so I assumed they'd be celebrating Thanksgiving at her house.

When Marilyn asked me if they were included I said no, that the invitation was for her and her husband if they had no plans. Now she is furious with me and won't talk to me. I already have my children coming over and that will be 10 guests, which is as many as I can accommodate. Who is right here? -- THANKSGIVING HOSTESS

DEAR HOSTESS: You are. Your sister should not have assumed that because you invited her and her husband for Thanksgiving that you were automatically obligated to entertain the rest of her family. It is your right to control your guest list, not hers.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I had a beautiful wedding and were blessed with the presence of many family members and friends. I am embarrassed to admit that we unfortunately did not send out thank-you cards to our guests.

Three years have passed, and we still feel guilty for not expressing our genuine gratitude. We are expecting our first child in a few months -- another milestone we hope to share with our loved ones. Would it be OK to take this as an opportunity to finally thank them and share the news of our family? -- MOM-TO-BE IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR MOM-TO-BE: It would be in better taste to deliver these messages separately -- first, your belated thank-you for your wedding gifts, and then, in a month or so when they have recovered from the shock, the news of your pregnancy and perhaps an invitation to your baby shower, which should be sent by whoever will be hosting it.

DEAR ABBY: My husband gave me a lovely necklace for my birthday. The problem is it's made of stainless steel and I'm allergic to it. He did this before, and that time I asked him to return it. However, he never got around to it and eventually it went to charity.

What do I do this time? Tell him and risk hurting his feelings? Or shove it in a drawer forever? -- THANKS, BUT ... IN AUSTRIA

DEAR THANKS, BUT ...: Say something like this to your husband: "Honey, the necklace is beautiful. You have wonderful taste. But remember? I'm allergic to stainless steel. Why don't we return it together and pick out something I'll be able to wear? Would Saturday be OK?"

DEAR ABBY: Recently I took a cue from my sister and her career Navy husband. They always make it a point to thank anyone they see in military uniform for his/her service and sacrifice.

I am somewhat shy by nature. But I am so thankful to these men and women who fight for our continued freedom that I stepped out of my comfort zone to verbalize my feelings and encourage those who cross my path.

Abby, the first and second thank-yous I offered did not go well. The first gentleman I spoke to gave me a scornful look and proceeded to tell me I should be thankful for all military personnel -- not just him -- and especially those who gave the ultimate sacrifice of their lives.

I felt 3 inches tall and very embarrassed, but I chalked it up to perhaps having said thanks the wrong way, so I tried again. This time I thanked a World War II veteran. I recognized him as a vet by the emblem on the bill of the cap he was wearing. His response was, "Didn't have a choice -- it was the draft or jail."

Maybe I'm not cut out for verbalizing my thankfulness, or maybe I'm doing it wrong. Now my shyness has taken over again. Should I silently offer a prayer of thanks instead? -- TWICE BITTEN IN WASHINGTON

DEAR TWICE BITTEN: The first person you spoke to may have lost some friends recently, which is why he spoke to you the way he did. Your response to the service member's statement should have been: "Of course you are right. And I am grateful. But you are here, which is why I'm expressing my thanks to you." Period.

As to the WWII vet who entered the service one jump ahead of the law -- give him marks for honesty in admitting his reason for entering the military was less than patriotic. But please don't stop offering thanks. What you experienced was some bad beginner's luck, but each time you express your gratitude, the odds will improve.

DEAR ABBY: A little over a year ago, my husband and I were pulled over after a day on our boat. We had been drinking. My husband was charged with a DUI, went through everything that was required and decided to stop drinking. I am very proud of him. Going to AA meetings has kept him strong, and he has become a better person.

I, on the other hand, like to relax with a beer once in a while, but if I do, I feel guilty. My husband says it's OK, but I feel it might tempt him.

Am I doomed not to be able to drink anymore to support his sobriety, or can I have a beer once in a while and hope he has learned to cope? Is having an occasional beer selfish? -- NEEDS A DRINK IN NEW YORK

DEAR NEEDS A DRINK: When someone describes not imbibing alcohol as being "doomed" and signs off as "needs a drink," I suspect that the individual may be alcohol-dependent to some degree. If there is any chance that your sober husband might crave alcohol if he sees you having a beer, then do it when you're not in his presence. I call that being considerate and "sacrificing" for the greater good.

DEAR ABBY: What do you do when your daughter chooses to raise her kids entirely differently than she was raised, and when she comes for a visit, there's no regard or respect for your stuff? -- UP IN ARMS IN FLORIDA

DEAR UP IN ARMS: You childproof your home, or make sure to see your grandchildren only at their home.