life

Firm Limits on Cellphone Use Should Curb Girl's Compulsion

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 14th, 2013 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am upset with myself for getting my granddaughter the cellphone she begged me for. I wish the phone companies would put restrictions on them. I wondered why she was feeling tired in the mornings until I caught her on the phone at 4 a.m. She can't get dressed in the morning because she's texting every two minutes.

When her friend, who she was always very active with, came over, the girl wound up watching a movie with me because my granddaughter would not stop texting in her bedroom. She wasn't like this until she got this new boyfriend, and he must have no life at all. Should I talk to his parents? It is consuming her life, morning, noon and night. I have told her she can't have the phone until her homework is done. -- FRUSTRATED GRANDMA IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR GRANDMA: You shouldn't expect the phone company to decide what is acceptable in your home. As the adult in your household, it's up to you to assert control. If your granddaughter lives with you, by all means talk to the boyfriend's parents about this.

But equally important, enforce cellphone limits. If you think she can't be trusted not to use it after lights-out, see that she gives you her phone at bedtime. In the morning, return it to her once she's dressed and ready for school. And when she invites friends over, make sure she understands it is her responsibility -- not yours -- to entertain them, because what she did was rude.

Family & ParentingHealth & SafetyMental HealthTeensAddictionFriends & NeighborsEtiquette & Ethics
life

Woman's Boyfriend New To Idea Of Monogamy

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 14th, 2013 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have met a darling man I'm compatible with in every way. We have similar tastes in just about everything from decorating and landscaping to entertainment.

My problem is his past. From what he says, he has never had a monogamous relationship, even during his marriage. After the divorce he pursued anything female.

When we are out at a club or a concert, I constantly encounter women he has been with. He tells me he is happy for the first time in his life and he would never cheat on me.

I have never been the jealous type, and I'm really not now. I just don't want to be the woman everyone is laughing at because they know his history. As I said, we are content and happy, but I need to move past this or move on, I guess. -- THE CURRENT WOMAN

DEAR CURRENT WOMAN: You say this "darling" man has never had a monogamous relationship -- before, during or after his marriage. Therefore, the odds aren't great that he'll have one with you.

It's time to ask yourself (not me) if you would be willing to tolerate his fooling around if you were his wife. Some women -- the wives of attractive or powerful men -- are open-minded about it if their husbands are discreet. The real question is, are you?

Marriage & DivorceSex & GenderLove & Dating
life

Unique Party Ideas Give Woman Zest For Life

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 14th, 2013 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I wrote to you three years ago about throwing parties on unique days, such as 7-7-07, 9-9-09, etc., and you printed my letter.

Well, I'm still at it, even though the special numbers have run out. I planned a brunch on 11-11-11. Everyone who attended chipped in $11 apiece. The money that was left over I donated to a hunger program. Twelve of us met for lunch at noon on 12-12-12, and this time each person paid -- guess how much -- $12.

This year, we'll be having brunch at 10:00 on 11-12-13, and I'm already planning ahead for next year's celebration, which will be on 12-13-14 at 1500 hours. Any suggestions? -- CLAIRE (AGAIN) IN BETHLEHEM, PA.

DEAR CLAIRE: You appear to be a fun, clever woman with a zest for life. And yes, I do have a suggestion. How about making next year's celebration a tea with a holiday theme? After all, "'tis the season," and any leftover money could be donated to a children's charity.

Holidays & CelebrationsFriends & Neighbors
life

Military Woman Eager to Start Family Should Pause to Think

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 13th, 2013 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am a 19-year-old female who is serving in the U.S. Air Force. I'm stationed overseas at the moment, and I plan to make the military my career.

I have reached a point in life when I am ready to have a family. Unfortunately, I haven't found a man who is compatible with me. Every relationship I have ends because it conflicts with my military schedule.

I know adoption is a hard process, but I'm willing to go through it. What do you think about my trying to adopt as a single parent? -- UNSURE OF MY NEXT MOVE IN ENGLAND

DEAR UNSURE: I'm glad you asked because I think you're jumping the gun. At 19, your search for someone compatible has been limited because of your youth and job responsibilities.

Who would care for your little one if you, as a single mother, were transferred to a "hot spot," or injured or worse? Would relatives assume the responsibility? Before becoming a mother -- adoptive or otherwise -- it's important that you think about this realistically from the point of view of what would be best for the child. If you wait to become a parent until you are older, as many women do today, you will be better equipped emotionally and financially for the responsibility.

Love & DatingTeensFamily & ParentingMarriage & Divorce
life

High-Iq Child In Need Of Special Attention

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 13th, 2013 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend whose child is brilliant. He is testing in the 99.5 percentile. At 7, he is already far in advance of his classmates. He has read chapter books since age 5, is doing algebra and asking post-doctoral math and science questions, according to a professor close to the family.

His mother is in denial. She says the other kids will "catch up" in time. If he had special needs in another area, I know she'd be in there fighting to get him appropriate services and accommodations.

Please, Abby, what can we do to convince his mother that he needs more than what his inner-city schools can provide? I was one of those kids, and I know he needs contact with other kids who match his intellectual level more closely. -- CONCERNED FRIEND IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR CONCERNED: The mother may be in denial, but the child's teachers and principal must surely have recognized his abilities. Enlist their help in convincing the mother to see that her son advances at a rate appropriate for his IQ.

When students are as far ahead academically as the child you describe, they can become bored and disruptive. It would be in everyone's interest to see that he is placed in classes where he can continue to excel -- regardless of whether the others catch up.

Family & ParentingFriends & Neighbors
life

Halloween Not A Time To Leave Cats Outdoors

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 13th, 2013 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: With Halloween fast approaching, I would like to remind cat owners to keep them safely indoors on the days surrounding this holiday. Unfortunately, some people still associate cats with Halloween superstitions. Please do not assume that black cats are the only felines at risk. Any cat can be the target of a cruel Halloween prank. -- CAT LOVER IN THE SOUTH

DEAR CAT LOVER: Thank you for the reminder. Please, everyone, keep yourselves and your pets safe this Halloween.

Holidays & CelebrationsFriends & NeighborsAbuse
life

College Bound Woman Fears Leaving Baby Blanket Behind

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 12th, 2013 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am 19, and because of some traumatic events in my past, I'm afraid of the dark and sleep with my baby blanket. I went to counseling about it, but eventually stopped because it didn't help. I haven't had any real problems as a result of the issue because I live at home and my boyfriend has been supportive in accommodating my needs when I stay with him. Plus, I don't need my blanket when I'm with him.

My concern is about the upcoming semester. I will have to move to the main campus of my university in order to continue my education. This means I'll be living in a shared dorm. The two times it came up during high school, I was teased mercilessly until something else came along. While I have reached the point where I can go without my blanket for a few nights, any longer and it starts to get to me.

I don't want to have problems when I move to the main campus because I'm already going to stand out for moving in the middle of the year, but I don't know how to keep training myself to give up my blanket. -- STILL SCARED IN DELAWARE

DEAR STILL SCARED: You might not have to. I have a suggestion that might be helpful, but it would require having your blanket converted into a "huggie pillow." That way you can still sleep with it but it would no longer resemble a baby blanket. Many people sleep with an extra pillow, so it wouldn't appear to be odd at all.

Friends & NeighborsMental HealthTeens
life

Wife Is Uncomfortable With Husband's Guns

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 12th, 2013 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: My vegetarian, won't-harm-a-fly husband owns two handguns. They were bought before I met him. He knows I don't approve. I have always felt strongly about not raising children in a home where guns are kept. His argument for having them is that he distrusts our government. He claims the guns will protect our family if there is ever an uprising or a riot.

While I support his desire to protect our family, I'm frightened by the much more immediate possibility of an accident happening, or the children finding them and harming themselves or someone else.

We plan to start a family in the near future, and I have tried to talk him into either getting rid of the guns or storing them elsewhere. Every time I raise the subject, it turns into an argument and he insists he won't get rid of them. I'm at a loss about how to resolve this problem. Any advice? -- UNWILLING TO GIVE UP IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR UNWILLING: Would your vegetarian, wouldn't-harm-a-fly husband consider trigger locks for his weapons or a gun safe? If not, then perhaps you should consider raising your children with a man who isn't already married to his guns.

Family & ParentingMarriage & DivorceHealth & Safety
life

Student Struggles With Crush On Teacher

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | October 12th, 2013 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: What do you do if you like a teacher? Do you just hide it? He always comes to my table and I can't focus because I get so distracted. I think he's very good-looking. I'm 13 and he's 23. What should I do? -- CRUSHING IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CRUSHING: What you're experiencing happens in countless classrooms and it's perfectly normal. Unless you're an accomplished actress, hiding your feelings would be like trying to smuggle dawn past a rooster. Function as best you can, and don't stare at him because it could be embarrassing for him. If you want to impress him, be his top-achieving pupil. The strong emotions you're feeling will fade once an attractive young man your age appears on the horizon. Trust me on that, because I'm speaking from experience.

TeensLove & Dating

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