DEAR ABBY: My son and his wife, "Carole," have been married for two years. I was recently introduced to her father, "Ted," who has been alone for 13 years. Carole told me later in no uncertain terms that I cannot have a romantic relationship with her father. Then she repeated the same thing to him.

Do you think it's right for adult children to dictate to their parents who they can and cannot see? Ted and I are perplexed. We really like each other and would like to see where this relationship could go. We laugh easily together, cook in the kitchen well together, can talk for hours and generally are very compatible. We have both discussed our pasts and have been honest with each other. What's your opinion? -- DESERVES TO BE HAPPY IN FLORIDA

DEAR DESERVES: Before the relationship goes further, you and Ted should step back and ask yourselves what might happen if this romance doesn't work out. Would the hurt feelings disrupt the family dynamic? If this can be handled thoughtfully, with grace and maturity, I agree that you deserve to be happy. While adult offspring may try to dictate what their parents can and cannot do, as mature adults, you do not have to blindly accept it.

DEAR ABBY: I have been friends with "Kurt" for many years. We met during Little League, and as we got older we stood up in each other's wedding. He was my best man.

Kurt's marriage is in trouble because he has a gambling problem. I feel guilty because I never said anything to him about it when we were together at the casino and he was spending more money than he could afford. I was with him only a handful of times, but I still think I should have spoken up.

Should I have? Or wouldn't it have mattered if I did? Kurt is going to Gamblers Anonymous meetings now, trying to save his marriage. -- GUILTY IN WISCONSIN

DEAR GUILTY: You could have said something to your friend, but the question is, would Kurt have listened and accepted what you were trying to convey? People who have addictions are usually in denial until they have no other choice but to face it.

Your feeling guilty won't help this situation. Being supportive of your longtime friend and making sure that when you're together there is no wagering happening (i.e., on sporting events) would be helpful. The rest is up to him.

DEAR ABBY: I recently ended a two-year relationship with my boyfriend. We are both 20. He was a great boyfriend -- always patient, kind, gentle and loving. However, I was often impatient, short-tempered and controlling. These issues were my personal problems. I always tried to work on them, but although it got better, I knew I wasn't treating him the way I should. I ended things with him because I felt guilty.

It has been a month now, and I'm having second thoughts about having ended it with an almost-perfect person. I miss him. Would it be unwise to reach out to him again? -- BROKEN UP BUT NOT OVER IT

DEAR NOT OVER IT: Not necessarily. But before you do, allow yourself a period of introspection during which you focus less on your missing him and concentrate on why you were abusive to him. A man with his qualities deserves to be treated with more respect than you showed him. The truism, "If you don't value what you've got, you will lose it," applies to relationships.

DEAR ABBY: I am the oldest of four children. I grew up in a family that looked perfect from the outside, but was far from it. My parents tried to shield us from most of the problems, but because I'm the oldest, I remember a lot.

My parents both had affairs. My siblings recently learned about the affair Dad had because Mom told them, but they have no idea about the one Mom had. Because of this, my brother hardly speaks to Dad.

Mom was diagnosed with a mental disorder when I was a child. I remember her violent outbursts. I know Dad stayed only for us. We're all adults now, and my parents are divorced. My mother plays the victim and my brother blames Dad for everything. It breaks my heart.

I have tried to convince Mom to stop trying to hurt Dad through my brother, but she won't. I want my family to be able to attend milestones without turmoil. I don't know how to make this better. Please help. -- DOESN'T WANT THE TURMOIL

DEAR DOESN'T: Making this better may take the help of a licensed professional and some family counseling -- provided everyone is willing to cooperate. But don't count on your mother. She doesn't appear to be interested in healing any breaches. I do think, however, that because you are all adults, your siblings should know the entire story about your parents' infidelities -- particularly your brother, so his relationship with Dad can be repaired.

DEAR ABBY: Our son recently told us he will be proposing to his girlfriend before Christmas. We're happy for him, but concerned that he'll want to get married next year, which will be our 25th anniversary. We can't afford to celebrate our 25th the way we want to and help with their expensive wedding. We have been planning this for years, and we don't want to sacrifice our celebration for their plans.

We think they should either postpone the wedding or pay for it themselves. We have always taken care of our son, but we feel 2014 is "our" time. Are we wrong, and how can we tell him without feeling guilty? -- PARENTS OF THE FUTURE GROOM

DEAR PARENTS: While you have always taken care of your son, he is an adult now and you should be able to communicate with him on an adult level. Tell him how pleased you are that he and his girlfriend are planning to be married, but that you will be unable to contribute financially because you're celebrating your 25th in 2014 and can't afford to do both.

Not all couples marry soon after becoming engaged. Some wait a year or longer, and more and more couples pay for their own weddings these days, so don't feel guilty.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating a man for the last three years who is very much my senior. His children are also much older than I am, and there is a mutual awkwardness when we interact. My boyfriend does the best he can to ease the situation, but it is painfully obvious that they are uncomfortable with our relationship and my presence. What can I do to show them I want to be viewed as family, too? -- UNWELCOME IN ONTARIO, CANADA

DEAR UNWELCOME: There is nothing you can do. But there is something your boyfriend can do. He can make it clear to his adult children that unless they make you feel more welcome than they have done, they will be seeing less of both of you.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a single mother. My two sons are practically grown and out of the house. I haven't dated much over the years, but there was one man I did bond with and cared very much for at one point.

He lived across the country, and the long-distance relationship was difficult. I was reluctant to move my kids across the country for someone I barely knew, so the relationship ended. Thank God, I followed my instinct on that one!

Feeling sentimental one evening, I went online and searched for his name. Up popped a mug shot of him posted on a Megan's Law website, identifying him as a deviant offender. The police code indicated he was someone who had intercourse with a person under the age of 13. I couldn't believe my eyes.

Now I can't stop thinking about what might have happened had I not followed my instincts. I'm afraid to date anyone for fear I'll find another creep. Is there a way to "screen" prospective mates without them knowing -- like a background check for daters, perhaps? -- STILL SHOCKED IN TEXAS

DEAR STILL SHOCKED: The way to screen someone for a criminal conviction would be to go online and search in the state the person lives in or came from. That, however, is no guarantee you won't meet another creep.

Finding Mr. Right is a process that involves trial and error. In many cases, a lot of error. That's why it is better to meet men through personal introductions, volunteer groups or because you have mutual interests -- and even then, take your time getting to know them.

DEAR ABBY: May I tell you about an incident that happened last Halloween? I took my daughters, ages 12 and 6, and a co-worker's 4-year-old son trick-or-treating. My 12-year-old is becoming a young woman and appears older. When we came to one house, the homeowner promptly gave the smaller children candy and had a conversation with them, but completely ignored my older daughter. She was very hurt, and it cast a pall on the evening. I was stunned.

I'm the kind of person who doesn't care how old you are -- if you're dressed up for Halloween, you can come knocking and you'll get a treat. I'd rather give someone candy than have him or her feel the way my daughter did.

How should I have handled this? Is there an age limit for trick-or-treaters? -- FESTIVE MOM IN KANSAS

DEAR FESTIVE MOM: If you refrained from challenging the homeowner, you handled it correctly. Halloween is a holiday during which all of those who participate celebrate their inner child. As my dear mother once said to me, there were times when the doorbell would ring and she wasn't sure whether to offer the trick-or-treater candy or a martini. And I think that's where I'd draw the line.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 10 and I have a sister who copies everything I do. For example, I was known for my good cooking until she made "amazing" banana bread. Now nobody thinks I'm the best cook in the house anymore.

My sister tags along with whatever I do. I sell dog treats; she sells dog treats. My mom thinks it's cute and says I should be flattered. All I want is to be unique, but it's hard with my sister who steals the show. Please help! -- FRUSTRATED IN BEND, ORE.

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Talk to your mother again about this. While I agree that your sister's desire to do what you do is cute, it can also create a cutthroat competition between siblings. Your mother could avoid this if she would encourage your sister to develop interests or talents of her own and help you become involved in after-school activities that do not include your sister. Sports or a church group come to mind.