DEAR ABBY: My kids attend a private school that has made it a goal to be a "blue ribbon" school. To that end, teachers pile on so much homework that many of our parents send our kids to bed after three hours and finish it ourselves. Our kids are completely overwhelmed with senseless piles of busywork.

This summer, our children had to read four substantial books and complete hefty vocabulary packets and math packets that required most of us parents to hire tutors. Our children are stressed, anxious and depressed. We have never indulged them with a lot of video game or TV time. I have considered pulling my kids out of this school, but the public schools around here are awful.

Parents are miserable. Kids are miserable. We want them to have a decent education, but we also want them to be happy people -- and right now, no one is happy. -- PRESSURED MOM OF PRESSURED KIDS

DEAR PRESSURED: Are you aware that some educators feel that students should have no summer vacation at all, and should be in class year-round? The assignments your children were given may have been designed to keep their skills sharp so they would be prepared for the fall term. Because you and other parents feel your children are being overburdened with busywork, it's time to address this as a group with the principal so you can voice your concerns and get an explanation.

DEAR ABBY: My 12-year-old grandson lies often. His parents are trying to give him consequences for his lying as a "team effort." I don't want to be the stern grandma and have him have bad memories of me. When he lies to me, should I look the other way and ignore it or follow through with my own consequences? -- GRANDMA IN ST. PETE, FLA.

DEAR GRANDMA: Would you prefer your grandson remember you as the grandmother whose eye he could spit in, tell her it's raining and she would accept it? It would be better to ask him why he feels it is necessary to lie to someone who loves him, tell him that you expect honesty from him and if you don't receive it there will be more consequences. Remember, you are also a part of the team, and this is an important life lesson he needs to learn.

DEAR ABBY: My only son is 18. He didn't attend his prom. He quit school and goes to night school instead. I'll never see him in a cap and gown, holding his diploma. On top of that, he told me six months ago that he's bisexual and that he has a boyfriend in the U.K. I'm having a hard time with all of this.

I taught my son to love and respect everyone, regardless of race, religion or sexual orientation. Now I'm afraid I won't have any grandchildren. Even more upsetting, he wants to move to the U.K. to be with his 26-year-old boyfriend.

I feel so cheated -- no prom, no graduation, no grandchildren! I'm scared and I cry every day. How do I accept him being him? -- CHEATED IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR CHEATED: OK, so reality isn't in sync with your fantasy about how your son would turn out. But why are you dwelling on the negative?

Your son is completing his high school education, and with his GED could very well go on to college or a technical school. While he didn't attend his prom, he has found a meaningful relationship. He may eventually give you the grandchildren you long for -- other same-sex couples have done it.

So look on the bright side. If you count your blessings, encourage him and accept the man he loves, you could have a life of adventure and international travel, a warm relationship with both of them and gain a son.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my best friend, "Blake," for two years. A year ago he started having panic attacks, so I made an appointment for him with his doctor. After checking him for everything, including heart failure, the doctor diagnosed him with anxiety.

Since his diagnosis, Blake is scared to leave the house. I have been working two jobs to make ends meet because he says he "can't work." This has taken a toll on our marriage. We have three kids and a lot of bills.

Blake is on medication and has tried many different ones, but they aren't working. All he talks about is his anxiety and every little ache or pain. He thinks he's going to have a heart attack.

I am fed up with it, while he says I just "don't understand anxiety." Sometimes I think he's making his anxiety worse. I don't know what to believe or what to do. Any suggestions? -- STRESSED IN VIRGINIA

DEAR STRESSED: Yes, I do have one. Your husband should be seen by a licensed mental health professional (psychologist) who works with a psychiatrist. He may need more than medication to help him conquer his anxiety disorder. He might do better with a combination of talk therapy in addition to his meds.

Please urge your husband to do this because the aches, pains and anxiety he's experiencing may seem like they're all in his head to you, but they're real to him. It could save your marriage.

DEAR ABBY: We have a housecleaner once a month. Last month, I offered her some grapefruit from our tree and she took six. This month, she helped herself to all of the fruit that was left on the tree! She didn't ask permission, and she didn't tell me she had done it. I happened to see her put it into her car.

I consider this to be stealing, but my husband does not. Because she took the fruit without permission and without telling me, do you consider it stealing? -- "ANITA" IN FLORIDA

DEAR "ANITA": The woman may have assumed you wouldn't mind if she took the fruit because you had offered it to her the month before. (Did you say she could take only six?) Rather than call this stealing, I would call it a misunderstanding. Clear it up by telling your housecleaner that you want nothing removed from your premises unless you have specifically told her she may have it.

DEAR ABBY: We have a housecleaner once a month. Last month, I offered her some grapefruit from our tree and she took six. This month, she helped herself to all of the fruit that was left on the tree! She didn't ask permission, and she didn't tell me she had done it. I happened to see her put it into her car.

I consider this to be stealing, but my husband does not. Because she took the fruit without permission and without telling me, do you consider it stealing? -- "ANITA" IN FLORIDA

DEAR "ANITA": The woman may have assumed you wouldn't mind if she took the fruit because you had offered it to her the month before. (Did you say she could take only six?) Rather than call this stealing, I would call it a misunderstanding. Clear it up by telling your housecleaner that you want nothing removed from your premises unless you have specifically told her she may have it.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating Mr. Right for two years. "Phil" is the man I want to spend my life with. When we are together privately, everything is perfect.

The problem is, Phil hangs out with his old college buddies every few weeks or months, and it often involves his ex-girlfriends. They don't hang out alone. There is always at least one other person there. The situations usually include drinking, which worries me.

In my opinion, Phil should not be seeing his exes, even though his college friends are still buddies with them. Phil doesn't understand why I think this is so wrong. I am uncomfortable and think he should avoid these situations.

Am I overly jealous, or should I call it quits because he won't respect my feelings on the matter? -- HOME ALONE IN KOKOMO

DEAR HOME ALONE: I don't think you are overly jealous, but I do think you may be overly insecure. Has Phil given you any reason to think he has cheated on you? If not, you should trust that he is doing nothing more than hanging out occasionally with old friends.

You say he is encountering exes (plural) when he sees his male friends. If it was just one, you might have cause to worry. Remember, these women are exes for a reason. Unless you want to be another ex, you should lighten up because insecurity and possessiveness are unattractive traits.

DEAR ABBY: We have lived next door to a couple, "Evie" and "Earl," for five years. I thought we were good friends. Over the years, I vented to Evie about my relationship with my daughter-in-law, "Cate." I watch my two grandkids most of the week and have complained to her about Cate's poor parenting skills.

Last summer, my daughter-in-law made a concerted effort to befriend Evie, and they now socialize together -- even though Cate flirted with Earl and Evie didn't like it. This has pretty much killed my friendship with Evie and worsened my relationship with my D-I-L.

This has affected me emotionally and physically to the point that I either want to cut off ties with my son and/or move -- neither of which is really an option. I have tried talking to both parties to no avail. I don't know what to do. Please help. -- BETRAYED IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR BETRAYED: If you had concerns about your daughter-in-law's parenting skills, the person you should have discussed them with was Cate. And if Evie was as good a friend as you thought, she wouldn't be hanging around with your daughter-in-law to the exclusion of you.

I assume that you, your son and Cate are still on speaking terms and you're still watching the kids "most of the week." If that's not true and you have been cut off by everyone, then the most important thing you need to do is take care of your mental and physical health. Accept that Evie will never be your buddy again and start socializing with others.

If you are no longer watching your grandchildren, your son and D-I-L will have to make alternative arrangements for childcare, which will cost them money they may be reluctant to spend. Then it will be in their interest as well as yours to make peace.