DEAR ABBY: I am the mother of a 4-year-old daughter and pregnant with my second child.

My boyfriend and I live in a nice house and have a comfortable lifestyle. We each pay our own bills, and I pay half the mortgage that is in his name.

I am extremely unhappy at my job. The job itself isn't the problem; it's the management team and its effect on office morale. They treat us employees like dirt, thus everyone is always fighting with each other. I try to stay out of it, but I am unhappy to the core there. I want to find another job after my maternity leave, but I'm afraid my soon-to-be-fiance won't be willing to pick up the slack financially while I'm temporarily unemployed.

Isn't this the normal give-and-take that "married" couples go through? Shouldn't I expect him to help me if I'm going through a rough patch? Are my expectations unreasonable? -- EXPECTING AND DEPRESSED IN TEXAS

DEAR EXPECTING: I assume that you have discussed this with your boyfriend and he wasn't receptive. Your expectations wouldn't be unreasonable if you were married or at least engaged. But you're not. While you and I think he should help you financially over this rough patch, he may feel no obligation to do so. If that's the case, your not-quite-fiance appears to be treating you like a roommate-with-benefits. Because you are not on the title of the house you pay half the mortgage on, there is no guarantee you will ever have anything to show for your contribution.

In light of that, of course he should be supportive emotionally and financially if you leave your job. Expecting him to step up to the plate is not unreasonable. But whether he agrees with you and me is another matter. Please find out before you invest any more money or he impregnates you again.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are well into a relaxed retirement. His successful, middle-aged son "Rory" has developed the habit of stopping by unannounced occasionally on his way home from work. This would be fine except that it falls in the middle of the dinner hour. Although we ask Rory to join us, he prefers to just stand over us and talk about his day while we eat. This wasn't his childhood home, so it's not a matter of an extended familiarity with this residence.

I have asked his father to speak to him about it, and while he agrees that his son's actions are rude, he refused to say anything. My husband is mild-mannered and seems to be happy that Rory takes the time to see him. To me, it looks like this is the most convenient time for Rory to get the occasional parent visit out of the way while not considering our feelings.

Because I have had a good long-term relationship with my stepson, I took him aside and politely explained that these dinner interruptions are discourteous. Rory blew up at me! I was astonished to see a mature man I respected act in such a childish manner. Now I'm the culprit in a family rift, while my husband remains mute. Should I have focused on digestion and held my tongue? -- DISAPPOINTED STEPMOM

DEAR STEPMOM: Because your husband refused to say anything and won't back you up, it appears the answer is yes. While some people consider the dinner hour to be sacred, not everyone does, and your stepson's visits were only occasional. Your request might have been better received had you told Rory that his hovering makes you nervous, and if he didn't care to share the food you had prepared, you'd appreciate it if he would at least sit at the table with you for everyone's comfort.

DEAR ABBY: I'm three months pregnant. Before I got pregnant, my husband and I enjoyed having wine with dinner or a margarita when we were out on the town. We didn't drink to excess, but have enjoyed alcohol in moderation.

Obviously, I can't drink anymore, but my husband carries on like nothing has changed. I'm becoming resentful every time we go out to eat.

I asked him once if he'd quit drinking until our baby arrives. He looked shocked and said, "Why? I'm not pregnant." I guess I feel left out because he's having fun. I want him to suffer with me, and this is really getting on my nerves. Any advice? -- RESENTFUL IN TENNESSEE

DEAR RESENTFUL: Yes. If you feel you are missing out on "fun" if you can't drink, you have a potential alcohol problem. Tell your husband that when he drinks in front of you, it makes you crave alcohol, and ask again that he respect your feelings and not do it. A considerate husband and father-to-be should respect that you are doing the heavy lifting (literally) and help all he can.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 28-year-old man who was born disabled. I have not had a date in years. I'd like to date and have a girlfriend, but when women look at me, all they see is my wheelchair.

I'm a good person, well-mannered, respectful, caring and compassionate. Any advice you can offer would be appreciated. -- LONELY IN ILLINOIS

DEAR LONELY: I'm glad you wrote because it's important that you not allow yourself to be isolated. Get out and participate in activities you enjoy that include like-minded people. While you may have been born disabled, I'm sure you have abilities and talents that would be welcomed if you choose to volunteer them.

If you haven't already, search the various online dating sites for both disabled and nondisabled individuals or contact a disability advocacy organization for guidance or to help you get access. Seek advice within the disabled community (in person or online) from individuals who have more experience with dating than you do. They can also help you navigate any physical barriers that might prevent you from dating, if that's an issue.

There's a saying, "Seek and ye shall find," and it applies in your situation. I wish you the best of luck.

DEAR ABBY: My husband's much older sister has no problem calling to ask for money, but never calls just to say hello or to see how he's doing. This has been going on for almost 10 years. She'll tell us she or her sons need it for bills or school expenses.

He has talked to her about it, but nothing has changed. We both work hard, while she refuses to ask the children's father for a cent. Should we continue to give her money because it may affect our nephews if we don't? -- AUNT IN THE SOUTH

DEAR AUNT: That you have tolerated this for 10 years tells me you and your husband are kindhearted and responsible people, and I respect that. However, fathers have a legal responsibility to support their children, and your sister-in-law should make sure it happens whether that involves hiring an attorney to help or applying for funds from the state to see her boys are taken care of. If you must give her money, give her enough for a consultation with an attorney because "Sissie" appears to have been using you.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 21, and my 16-year-old sister is out of control. She told me she smokes marijuana, drinks alcohol, abuses painkillers and recently mentioned she does coke.

Abby, she is beautiful, and I don't want to see her do this to herself. She's living with me about an hour away from my parents because Dad is an alcoholic and he abuses our mother. I brought my sister here to get her away from all that because I know what it was like growing up there.

I'm having trouble giving her advice to stay away from those things because I did them, and I feel like a hypocrite. My parents can't get through to her, either. Please help. -- TRYING TO BE A BIG SIS

DEAR TRYING: You're lucky you were able to straighten out without becoming addicted to any of the substances you experimented with, but your sister may not be so lucky. Because she's out of control, you must step in and put a stop to it for her sake.

Your sister needs counseling, and if she is going to remain your responsibility, it is imperative that you assert control. Talk to her school counselor about getting her the help she needs. You may have to drug-test your sister on a random basis as a condition of her continuing to live with you. Kits are available at your pharmacy.

Stop feeling guilty, stay strong, and you may be able to steer your sister back on the right path.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 23-year-old soldier in the Army, currently deployed overseas. I'm less than a month away from returning home to my husband. However, I have not been faithful to him during my tour. I have had sex with several people over here, and if that's not complicated enough, I appear to be pregnant. I don't know what to tell my husband. I actually still kind of love him. Advice? -- DEPLOYED AND PREGNANT

DEAR DEPLOYED: You need to make certain you are pregnant and that this is not a false alarm. Whether you are or not, you have some difficult decisions to make.

While it won't be pleasant, you and your husband are due for an honest conversation upon your return. If you both "still kind of" love each other, forgiveness is possible, and couples have been known to get beyond this and have successful marriages.

DEAR ABBY: The "rule" that white pants can be worn only from Memorial Day to Labor Day needs to be amended. I love my white pants. They go with nearly everything, and I almost cry when they must be stored away for another nine months. Ridiculous! My proposal would be to extend the grace period so it begins on Easter Sunday and lasts until Halloween. How does that sound? -- MARILYN IN SAN MARCOS, CALIF.

DEAR MARILYN: You will be delighted to know that according to "Emily Post's Etiquette, 18th Edition," that old rule about wearing white no longer applies. What's important isn't the color, but the weight of the fabric.

Here in Southern California, summer can start late and continue through October. Lightweight fabrics such as cotton and linen are acceptable during hot weather, and when the temperature drops, "winter whites" in wool, corduroy, silk and satin are common, although usually in off-white shades rather than a stark one.