DEAR ABBY: My father admitted to having an affair a few years ago. At the time, my mother was very upset and threatened to leave, but somehow they worked it out. However, he is still seeing this woman. They talk on the phone for hours, and he visits her house frequently, leaving my mother alone for extended periods of time.

When I ask my mother why they are still in contact, she doesn't want to talk about it, and my father seems to think he isn't doing anything wrong. Normally I wouldn't get involved, but I'm worried about my mother's health, which wasn't quite great to begin with and has gone downhill since this all started. Is there anything I can do in this situation? -- WORRIED ABOUT MOM

DEAR WORRIED: It appears your parents made a deal with each other -- he would live his own life and they would remain married. Because it is affecting your mother's health, suggest that she discuss this with her physician and perhaps get a referral to a therapist who can provide her with emotional support during this difficult time. If she agrees, it could help her physically and emotionally because stress and depression have been known to make people sick.

DEAR ABBY: My partner, "Rob," and I are delighted we can finally marry in our home state of California. When we do, how do you suggest we answer the question that straight married couples often get, "How long have you two been married?"

Rob and I have been together for 17 years, and it's not our fault that we didn't get married many years ago. Without having to make a political statement each time we're asked, should we simply tack on the number of years we've been together without the benefit of marriage? I'm proud of the time we've been a couple, and even prouder that I love Rob as much today as when we first fell for each other.

What should the answer be after we tie the knot? -- KEN IN THE GOLDEN STATE

DEAR KEN: Congratulations on your forthcoming nuptials. The answer you should give is the most accurate one: "Rob and I have been married for (insert the number) years and together for 17 years before that." To say that is not making a political statement; it's the unvarnished truth.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been together for 13 years. We live in the country with livestock. I was taught to remove my shoes when I entered my house, especially since I was raised on a farm. My husband wasn't required to do the same as he was growing up.

I have asked him for the last 10 years to kindly take his shoes off when he comes in so he won't track dirt, mud, manure, etc. into the house. He absolutely refuses. I have explained my reasons repeatedly and told him it hurts my feelings and makes me feel disrespected. He still won't do it. Can you please tell me why? Am I being too demanding? -- TIRED OF WALKING ON GRIT AND POOP

DEAR TIRED: I don't think so. Your reasons for wanting his dirty shoes off seem sensible to me. From where I sit, it appears your husband cares little for your feelings, isn't concerned about any extra work he creates and stopped listening to you 10 years ago. You have my sympathy, and I sincerely hope he has some virtues that compensate for his selective deafness.

DEAR ABBY: In response to "Contemplating Change in Rhode Island" (June 23), who is considering retiring with a friend to a city with a warmer climate, I would offer the same advice we have given our friends. She should know that she'll need to be proactive in developing a social network in her new location.

My wife and I also moved far south when we retired. We wanted neighbors with a variety of ages so we could hear children play nearby from time to time. We purchased a house in a "normal" neighborhood instead of a retirement community. But we soon realized that, unlike us, our neighbors had jobs, family responsibilities and little time for us. More disconcerting was going grocery shopping and no longer seeing the three or four acquaintances we would see back home.

Without jobs to occupy our time and give us a framework for social contact, we found ourselves isolated. To solve that problem we joined organizations and did volunteer work to meet new friends. Our story has a happy ending, but it took some effort to make it happen. "Contemplating" should be prepared to do the same. -- MIKE IN SPARKS, NEV.

DEAR MIKE: "Contemplating Change" asked if readers had experience moving far away at her age (late 60s). You, and many others, wrote to share overwhelmingly positive feedback. Thank you for it:

DEAR ABBY: For the women planning to buy a retirement home together, please tell them there are wonderful places everywhere. I have moved 15 times since the age of 70 and at 91 am moving again. (No, I am not trying to stay ahead of the sheriff.) I have sought more pleasant climates as well as the company of ambitious writers. For the last move, I am going to a retirement community where I don't have to cook, wash dishes or clean house because it'll be done for me. -- LIFETIME WRITER IN SEDONA, ARIZ.

DEAR ABBY: I want to encourage your Rhode Island reader. Renting first is excellent advice. Research what you want in your new destination. Make sure it's a growing community where transplants will be welcome.

Be outgoing. Join a church, community center or other place to meet people. No one will beat a path to your door or care about your former home. Don't make negative comparisons to locals, and don't cling to your old friend.

If all goes well, consider buying a twin home/duplex where you can be close but have your own space. I'm glad I moved. I now have more diverse friends than ever before. -- RETIREE IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR ABBY: Yes -- rent first to check housemate compatibility. As to a new social community, check out nearby colleges or universities. Many offer programs for creative learning in retirement or something similar. One can make friends with shared interests through classes. Also, find a local "newcomers club." -- NANCY IN ASHEVILLE, N.C.

DEAR ABBY: You're never too old to make new friends. My suggestion to the ladies would be to consider buying what is referred to as a park model (manufactured home) in an RV park. They could even try renting one in a few different parks to get a feel for the park and location. These parks have all kinds of activities going on from morning 'til night. -- MICHIGAN SNOWBIRD

DEAR ABBY: Moving into an over-55 community was the perfect solution when we relocated. There was instant community with loads of activities and opportunities to make new friends.

When you buy, make sure you own the land as well as the house. Public libraries, churches, schools and nursing homes will welcome you as volunteers, and you can become as immersed in the new community as you want. We love being "relocated." -- MARJORIE IN LONGMONT, COLO.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 14-year-old girl who just started high school. I started to notice boys when I was in middle school, and I'd like to start dating soon.

The problem is I've never had a close friend who was a boy, and the idea isn't natural to me. How can I ask a boy out if I don't even grasp the concept of being friends with one? I'm frustrated over this, especially because I really like one particular guy.

The only advice I have been given is, "Get over your fear and just talk to him." This isn't very helpful to me. I want to know how to get over my fear! Abby, your thoughts would be appreciated. -- CAN'T FIND THE NERVE IN OHIO

DEAR CAN'T FIND THE NERVE: I'll gladly share some thoughts. The first is I hope you realize how many girls and guys your age feel exactly the same way you do. Social skills don't come naturally to everyone -- but they can be learned. And like any learned skill, they take practice.

The surest cure for shyness -- which is the "fear" you are experiencing -- is to forget about yourself and concentrate on the other person. Smile and introduce yourself if the guy doesn't know you. If you share a class with him or know an activity he's involved in, ask a question about it. He's not good at sports? Not musical? Ask him about a class assignment.

You don't have to be brilliant or witty. Try leading off with a friendly remark or a compliment. ("Nice shirt, cellphone," etc.) I know very few people who don't appreciate a compliment. Overcoming shyness takes practice, so don't go after the boy you "really like" at first. Make a point of smiling and saying hello to everyone. It's friendly, it's welcoming.

Keep in mind that the majority of people have the same insecurities you do. Many of them will respond positively because they appreciate being noticed. That's how you make friends of both genders. I have a booklet that offers even more suggestions. The title is "How to Be Popular," and it contains hints for polishing social skills for people of all ages. It can be ordered by sending your name and address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. Remember, you don't have to be the prettiest or smartest girl in school. But you can be one of the nicest.

Show an interest in others. Be honest but always tactful. Cultivate your own interests so you will have something to talk about with others. If there are clubs at your school, join the ones that interest you. It's another way of making friends of both sexes.

Most young people go out in groups these days. So, if you and some friends plan to do something (and after you have been friendly and let the young man you like notice you), smile and ask if he'd like to come along. If he's shy, it's a way of making him feel less self-conscious, too. Good luck!