DEAR ABBY: In response to "Contemplating Change in Rhode Island" (June 23), who is considering retiring with a friend to a city with a warmer climate, I would offer the same advice we have given our friends. She should know that she'll need to be proactive in developing a social network in her new location.

My wife and I also moved far south when we retired. We wanted neighbors with a variety of ages so we could hear children play nearby from time to time. We purchased a house in a "normal" neighborhood instead of a retirement community. But we soon realized that, unlike us, our neighbors had jobs, family responsibilities and little time for us. More disconcerting was going grocery shopping and no longer seeing the three or four acquaintances we would see back home.

Without jobs to occupy our time and give us a framework for social contact, we found ourselves isolated. To solve that problem we joined organizations and did volunteer work to meet new friends. Our story has a happy ending, but it took some effort to make it happen. "Contemplating" should be prepared to do the same. -- MIKE IN SPARKS, NEV.

DEAR MIKE: "Contemplating Change" asked if readers had experience moving far away at her age (late 60s). You, and many others, wrote to share overwhelmingly positive feedback. Thank you for it:

DEAR ABBY: For the women planning to buy a retirement home together, please tell them there are wonderful places everywhere. I have moved 15 times since the age of 70 and at 91 am moving again. (No, I am not trying to stay ahead of the sheriff.) I have sought more pleasant climates as well as the company of ambitious writers. For the last move, I am going to a retirement community where I don't have to cook, wash dishes or clean house because it'll be done for me. -- LIFETIME WRITER IN SEDONA, ARIZ.

DEAR ABBY: I want to encourage your Rhode Island reader. Renting first is excellent advice. Research what you want in your new destination. Make sure it's a growing community where transplants will be welcome.

Be outgoing. Join a church, community center or other place to meet people. No one will beat a path to your door or care about your former home. Don't make negative comparisons to locals, and don't cling to your old friend.

If all goes well, consider buying a twin home/duplex where you can be close but have your own space. I'm glad I moved. I now have more diverse friends than ever before. -- RETIREE IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR ABBY: Yes -- rent first to check housemate compatibility. As to a new social community, check out nearby colleges or universities. Many offer programs for creative learning in retirement or something similar. One can make friends with shared interests through classes. Also, find a local "newcomers club." -- NANCY IN ASHEVILLE, N.C.

DEAR ABBY: You're never too old to make new friends. My suggestion to the ladies would be to consider buying what is referred to as a park model (manufactured home) in an RV park. They could even try renting one in a few different parks to get a feel for the park and location. These parks have all kinds of activities going on from morning 'til night. -- MICHIGAN SNOWBIRD

DEAR ABBY: Moving into an over-55 community was the perfect solution when we relocated. There was instant community with loads of activities and opportunities to make new friends.

When you buy, make sure you own the land as well as the house. Public libraries, churches, schools and nursing homes will welcome you as volunteers, and you can become as immersed in the new community as you want. We love being "relocated." -- MARJORIE IN LONGMONT, COLO.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 14-year-old girl who just started high school. I started to notice boys when I was in middle school, and I'd like to start dating soon.

The problem is I've never had a close friend who was a boy, and the idea isn't natural to me. How can I ask a boy out if I don't even grasp the concept of being friends with one? I'm frustrated over this, especially because I really like one particular guy.

The only advice I have been given is, "Get over your fear and just talk to him." This isn't very helpful to me. I want to know how to get over my fear! Abby, your thoughts would be appreciated. -- CAN'T FIND THE NERVE IN OHIO

DEAR CAN'T FIND THE NERVE: I'll gladly share some thoughts. The first is I hope you realize how many girls and guys your age feel exactly the same way you do. Social skills don't come naturally to everyone -- but they can be learned. And like any learned skill, they take practice.

The surest cure for shyness -- which is the "fear" you are experiencing -- is to forget about yourself and concentrate on the other person. Smile and introduce yourself if the guy doesn't know you. If you share a class with him or know an activity he's involved in, ask a question about it. He's not good at sports? Not musical? Ask him about a class assignment.

You don't have to be brilliant or witty. Try leading off with a friendly remark or a compliment. ("Nice shirt, cellphone," etc.) I know very few people who don't appreciate a compliment. Overcoming shyness takes practice, so don't go after the boy you "really like" at first. Make a point of smiling and saying hello to everyone. It's friendly, it's welcoming.

Keep in mind that the majority of people have the same insecurities you do. Many of them will respond positively because they appreciate being noticed. That's how you make friends of both genders. I have a booklet that offers even more suggestions. The title is "How to Be Popular," and it contains hints for polishing social skills for people of all ages. It can be ordered by sending your name and address, plus check or money order for $7 (U.S. funds) to Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price. Remember, you don't have to be the prettiest or smartest girl in school. But you can be one of the nicest.

Show an interest in others. Be honest but always tactful. Cultivate your own interests so you will have something to talk about with others. If there are clubs at your school, join the ones that interest you. It's another way of making friends of both sexes.

Most young people go out in groups these days. So, if you and some friends plan to do something (and after you have been friendly and let the young man you like notice you), smile and ask if he'd like to come along. If he's shy, it's a way of making him feel less self-conscious, too. Good luck!

DEAR ABBY: My younger sister, "Tanya," is 22 and a single mother. Her son is 2. She's pregnant again, and this time her baby will be a girl.

My sister is very dramatic and emotional. She gets angry easily and has a short fuse. She's great with her son, except he picks up on her drama and is somewhat dramatic himself. My worry is that girls are more likely to imitate that behavior, and I'm concerned my niece will be just like her mother. Although Tanya has a good heart, her emotional issues have caused her to have horrible relationships with men, as our mother did.

When I suggested to my sister that she talk to someone about her anger, she flipped out on me. We were both sexually abused as children. I have dealt with those issues and she has not. Was I rude to suggest she see someone about her emotional problems? -- JUST TRYING TO HELP

DEAR TRYING TO HELP: Suggesting that Tanya discuss this with a professional wasn't rude; it was a loving thing to do. Your sister reacted defensively because she isn't ready to admit she needs help.

What you must do is hope that one day she will be receptive, but also accept that it may never happen. Not everyone is strong enough to face the fact that they need help or willing to reach out for it.

DEAR ABBY: How does a person quit being a quitter? At 46, I have realized that this is what I am. I have quit everything -- church, jobs, school. If I don't like a friend, I just drop the person. The same goes for books, exercise -- everything! How do you stop the lifelong habit of quitting? -- QUITTER IN CHARLESTON

DEAR CHARLESTON: I hate to see you give yourself a pejorative label. It's time to have yourself evaluated because it is possible you suffer from attention deficit disorder -- and if you do, there is help for it.

If that's not the case, then start small, give yourself a goal you can accomplish and don't stop until you have reached it. It doesn't have to be anything complicated, but see it through. Then give yourself another, more difficult assignment and finish it.

Perseverance is a skill that can be learned. Each time you succeed, you will reinforce the idea that you can do it. The more you do this, the better you will feel about yourself, and it will be reflected in your work and social relationships.

DEAR ABBY: I am a married woman with several single friends. They are always eager to do things with me, but married life is a lot different than being single. I'd love to connect these friends, who don't know each other. I realize making friends can be hard, and I'd love to help them in that way.

What would be the best way to do this? I don't have a lot of time to spend inviting everyone together and having them get to know each other. I'd like to do a quick introduction, then let them go have fun doing "single people" things. Is this possible? -- UNIFIER IN PITTSBURGH

DEAR UNIFIER: Absolutely. Call or email your friends and tell them there are people you want them to meet because you think they'd enjoy each other. Then arrange a group lunch at a convenient location and introduce them. After that, if the chemistry is right, they'll become friendly.