life

Retired Friends Join Forces to Start New Lives Together

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 23rd, 2013 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am in my late 60s. When I mentioned to a retired friend my desire to move to a Southern state known for economic friendliness toward retirees, I discovered she was thinking the same thing.

We decided it would be good to buy a house together as tenants in common with rights of survivorship, and to share living expenses. Because I have no family and my friend has very little, neither of us cares what the survivor does with the house.

Our main concern is whether or not we're too old to make new friends and start a new life. It sounds exciting, but I'm wondering whether you or your readers have had any experience moving 1,000 miles away at this stage of life. -- CONTEMPLATING CHANGE IN RHODE ISLAND

DEAR CONTEMPLATING CHANGE: Change can be an exciting and stimulating experience, and many retirees have successfully relocated.

However, and I cannot stress this too strongly, before heading off for the great unknown, you and your friend should consider renting a place for a year. It will give you a chance to gauge your compatibility and learn about the community before locking yourselves in with a mortgage. And if you haven't already, each of you should review your plans with an attorney of your own.

Money
life

Couple Wonders If Sharing A Meal While Out With Friends Is Rude

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 23rd, 2013 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Is it proper for my husband and I to share a meal when dining out with friends? Restaurant portions are quite large and we eat out most nights.

We find sharing is better not only for our health but also for our waistlines. We usually order an appetizer, a salad, an entree, dessert, coffee and a nice bottle of wine. My husband tips 20 percent of the total of the check.

I don't want to offend my friends and I'd like your guidance in this matter. Thank you. -- CAREFUL EATER IN CARMEL, IND.

DEAR CAREFUL EATER: There is nothing rude about suggesting to your dinner companions that you ask the server for separate checks for the reason you stated. And congratulations on managing your portion control, which many health- and diet-conscious people are doing these days. Bon appetit!

Friends & NeighborsEtiquette & EthicsHealth & Safety
life

Diet-Resistant Belly Fat Has Her At A Loss

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 23rd, 2013 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm a single, successful professional woman who carries her weight in one place -- my belly. Despite many diets and exercise programs, I am unable to lose my belly. Because of this, I'm often mistaken for being pregnant.

Strangers in shopping malls, at professional seminars and in hotels while traveling will ask me when I am due. My usual response is, "I'm not pregnant. I'm just chubby and need to hit the gym." (The other evening, though, I responded, "Not soon enough!")

The last straw was at a recent book signing where the author wrote, "Enjoy your growing life." Any thoughts? -- NOT A BABY BUMP IN MILWAUKEE

DEAR NOT A BABY BUMP: I do have a few. Have you considered wearing a foundation garment? If you already wear one, then I have more suggestions. First, discuss this with your doctor, a nutritionist and a personal trainer. And if they can't help you, talk to a board-certified plastic surgeon about liposuction.

Health & Safety
life

Teen Ready to Leave Nest Hesitates to Take First Step

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 22nd, 2013 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 19-year-old high school graduate working full-time as a general manager for a furniture corporation. I live at home with my parents, but I feel like I am ready financially and emotionally to move out into my own place. I'm afraid to tell my parents because we are so close.

My father has always said he won't let me move out unless he approves of the place, and he talks about random checkups of my apartment. If I move out, aren't I entitled to privacy in my own place? I shouldn't have to get my parents' approval or have them checking up on me any time they want. How do I approach them about this without it becoming a screaming match, or ruining the relationship with them? -- UNSETTLED IN WASHINGTON

DEAR UNSETTLED: At 19, you are a young adult and no longer a child. You hold a responsible job and, I assume, have enough savings that you can afford what you are contemplating.

That your father wants to protect you is understandable because you are his child. Approach the subject by telling your parents you are "considering" moving out on your own, and would like your father to help you select a place that is safe. Do not be confrontational. If he refuses, you can still go looking on your own.

Once you are in and settled, you can then address the subject of "surprise" visits. Your father is not your parole officer, and it is respectful to call before dropping by.

TeensFamily & Parenting
life

Five O'clock Shadows Not Always Attractive -- Or Appropriate

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 22nd, 2013 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: When did men decide it was "stylish" to wear a two-day growth of beard? I can understand men not shaving on their day off, but to go unshaven and wearing a tux just looks wrong. It is twice as wrong if they have gray in their beard.

Please tell the men of America to shave! -- STYLE POLICEWOMAN IN OHIO

DEAR STYLE POLICEWOMAN: As I recall, men started going less clean-shaven after the TV series "Miami Vice" became a hit. Five o'clock shadows became the rage, as did going sockless in loafers and wearing a lot of pastels.

On the right person, the look can be sexy -- as was demonstrated by hunk-a-licious actors Don Johnson and Philip Michael Thomas, and British singer George Michael. However, I agree that when a man's beard starts turning gray, a clean shave is a better look because after a "certain age" the stubble begins to resemble that of an old derelict rather than a Hollywood sex symbol.

Etiquette & Ethics
life

Applicants: Research The Company Before The Interview

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 22nd, 2013 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am the human resources director for a nonprofit organization. I hope you will help me send a message out to anyone searching for a job. Ninety-five percent of all the candidates I interview know little to nothing about the organization for which they are interviewing.

Please let job seekers know that most organizations are less likely to hire an applicant who has done no research on the company he or she is interviewing with. I wouldn't! -- SHAKING MY HEAD IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR SHAKING YOUR HEAD: That's good advice. Not only should the applicant know something about the organization or company, the job seeker should be prepared to tell the interviewer why he or she is eager for the job, and how hiring him or her will enhance the business.

Work & School
life

Mom Who Abandoned Daughter Now Won't Leave Her Alone

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 21st, 2013 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I was taken away from my parents at 13 and placed into foster care, where I stayed until I aged out at 21. My biological mother is a drug addict who abandoned me to my father when I was 11. She never tried to contact me while I was in care.

I am now 24 and she won't leave me alone. She sends Facebook messages that alternate between begging me to let her get to know me, and condemning me for being vindictive and not having forgiveness in my heart. Abby, this woman exposed me to drugs and all manner of seedy people and situations. I was molested and beaten by some of the men she picked up to pay the bills.

Am I a horrible person for ignoring her? I'm close to losing my temper and letting her know exactly how angry I am, but I know it would do no good. I just want to move on with my life and advance in my profession without having to worry about this. What do you think? -- STALKED IN NEW YORK

DEAR STALKED: Silence sends a strong message. I think that when the harassment started, you should have immediately blocked this woman on Facebook. It's not too late to do that now. If she continues to annoy you, consider getting a restraining order.

Because you are on a path to success, allow nothing to divert you.

AddictionFamily & ParentingHealth & SafetyMental HealthAbuse
life

Many Hands Touch Clothes Before They're Sold

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 21st, 2013 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: On March 14 you printed a question from "Jim in New Jersey" who asked if brand-new clothing should be washed before wearing. Having worked in a shirt factory for years, let me tell you how many hands handle the shirt before it goes into that neat little bag.

1. Someone spreads the fabric and lays the pattern.

2. The cutter cuts it.

3. Someone else ties the different parts together.

4. Another person takes the parts to the sewing people.

5. One sewer attaches the pocket to the front.

6. Another sews the yoke to the back.

7. Another sews that back to the front.

8. Another sews in the sleeves.

9. Another sews the side seams.

10. Still another hems the bottom.

11. Another adds the collar.

12. Another sews on the cuffs (if long-sleeved).

13. Someone else sews on the buttons.

14. Another reinforces the buttonholes.

15. An inspector examines the garment for loose threads.

16. An auditor gives it a final check.

17. And finally, someone folds the shirt and puts it into that nice, clean-looking bag.

Don't even ask how many times it may have fallen on the floor -- or if we washed our hands. Abby, I never wear anything until I wash it! -- JOANN IN MISSISSIPPI

DEAR JOANN: And neither will I. Thank you!

Health & Safety
life

Baseball Fans Of Any Age Can Bring Mitts

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 21st, 2013 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I'm 59 years old and still take my baseball mitt with me when I go to games in hopes of catching a ball. At what age should a guy stop doing it? (We usually sit in the lower level near the front.) -- MINNESOTA TWINS FAN

DEAR TWINS FAN: Stop taking it when you have grown so aged and feeble that when the ball comes your way, you can no longer fend off the younger fans who are also diving for it. And not one moment sooner.

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