life

Daughter Living With Boyfriend Doesn't Get Mother's Support

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 15th, 2013 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am 25, and my boyfriend and I have been together since high school. We have now decided to take our relationship to the next level by living together.

When I brought up the idea to my mother a few months ago, she was against it. She said if I do this it will change my relationship with her. My boyfriend and I are college graduates, have good jobs and are self-supporting. If things work out between us, we will most likely be getting married next year.

I am an only child and I don't want to hurt my mother or have our relationship change, but I want to be able to live my own life. I would like her support, but don't know how to tell her what we have decided or if it would be worth breaking the special bond between my mother and me. -- ONLY CHILD IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ONLY CHILD: Stop beating around the bush and tell your mother what your plans are. At 25, you are old enough -- and this relationship has gone on long enough -- that moving in together is a natural progression toward a permanent commitment. Her resistance is based on fear of what your independence from her will mean -- to her.

However, if you truly can't decide whether cutting the umbilical cord is worth it, then keep things as they are -- and remain her little girl forever.

Love & DatingFamily & Parenting
life

There's No Medication For The Truly Lovesick

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 15th, 2013 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I am a teenager who has liked this guy for a long time. We've been best friends forever, and I have liked him for two years. Recently he asked me out, and I was ecstatic -- at first. I still like him, but every time I think about him or I'm around him, or anything about him comes up, I get this horrible nausea. I have actually vomited because of it. How can I like him but he makes me feel ill? Is there a way to remedy this? -- LOVESICK IN PHOENIX

DEAR LOVESICK: Severe anxiety can cause someone to have the symptoms you have described. It's not unlike the feeling one has when riding a roller coaster. You appear to be suffering from an extreme case of young love, and there is no medication that can cure it. Try to remain calm, and your symptoms should subside over time.

TeensLove & Dating
life

Don't Overlook Scholarship Opportunities, No Matter How Small

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 15th, 2013 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Your column often provides helpful tips to your readers. May I suggest that you remind those who are, or know someone who is, college-bound never to hesitate to apply for as many scholarships as possible -- regardless of how small.

My local conservation association has been giving scholarships for 11 years. Some years we get no applicants! The amounts are $500 and $1,000. This money could pay for books, lab fees or go toward tuition, but we get few applicants. Many fraternal organizations also give out numerous small scholarships. These all add up and can help to reduce the college debt burden we hear so much about.

It's never too soon to start. There are middle school and high school contests, too. Now is the time for students to start their college funds with all the prizes and scholarships they can accumulate. -- HELPING THE NEXT GENERATION

DEAR HELPING: I'm sure many families will thank you for this reminder. Readers, many small scholarships are available -- and the thing to do is talk to your school counselor and research online or at your local library. Indeed, it's never too soon to start looking.

TeensMoney
life

Woman Is Left Bewildered by Relative's Theft of Purse

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 14th, 2013 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Recently, my cousin-in-law, "Carrie," attended a family party. I was happy to see her because I like her and haven't seen her since my wedding in 2011. Carrie has been going through a difficult time because of her mother's death two years ago and her father's remarriage plans.

I know people are prone to do odd things when under stress, but this has me concerned. During the evening, I went to retrieve an item from my handbag. Carrie was with me, and mentioned she loved my purse and then announced she was "stealing it." I realized it wasn't a joke when she dumped the contents of my bag on the kitchen counter in front of several family members. She then handed me $10 and put my purse in her car!

I was flabbergasted and didn't know how to react. Although I had mentioned that I bought the bag at a thrift store for less than Carrie gave me, I liked it because it is a vintage item. I don't think a replacement will easily be found.

While I was always excited to see Carrie before, I am now leery of seeing her again for fear of a repeat of what she did. Am I wrong to feel offended? Do I have any hope of getting my purse back? -- STUPEFIED IN NEW YORK

DEAR STUPEFIED: Carrie's behavior was outrageous and may indicate that she has emotional problems that should be addressed.

That you would be offended is understandable. That you would be so shocked you didn't immediately object is also understandable. The only hope of getting your purse back would be to pay this woman a visit, return her money and tell her it's time to return it. If you're up to the challenge, she may agree. But don't count on it.

Etiquette & EthicsFriends & Neighbors
life

Husband's Compliments Would Mean More If He Made A Special Effort

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 14th, 2013 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Wayne" for about a year. Everything is wonderful, but my problem is he is stingy when it comes to issuing a compliment. I'll get dressed up -- makeup, hair, the whole thing -- and ask him what he thinks, and his response is always, "It's OK. You always look beautiful to me, so you don't have to dress up."

Maybe I shouldn't complain about this, but sometimes I feel Wayne would say I looked good if I were sick and vomiting into a toilet. It's not like I want him to say I look awful; I just want more of a response than what I'm getting. Any ideas on how to approach this? -- ALWAYS BEAUTIFUL? IN MINNESOTA

DEAR ALWAYS BEAUTIFUL: Yes. Approach your boyfriend directly. Tell him there is something you need from him that you're not getting -- and that is acknowledgment when you make a special effort. Explain that while you're complimented that he thinks you're always beautiful, you feel let down by his reaction. If he cares about your feelings, he may be a little more generous.

Etiquette & EthicsMarriage & Divorce
life

Wait Until Trust Is Established In Relationship Before Disclosing Mental Health Issues

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 14th, 2013 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: How and when do I tell the guy I just started seeing that I have bipolar disorder? I don't want to make him think I'm crazy. On the other hand, I really like him and hope our relationship will grow into something more. I don't want to start it off with a lie. -- NOT REALLY CRAZY IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR NOT REALLY CRAZY: You shouldn't start off a relationship with a lie. However, health information of any sort is personal, and it need not be revealed until you become friendly enough that there is a reason to know. Once you become good friends, you should disclose any information that is pertinent, including your diagnosis and the fact that it is being managed.

life

Learn Signs of Elder Abuse to Prevent It From Happening

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 13th, 2013 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Thank you for all you do to keep our seniors safe. Saturday, June 15, is World Elder Abuse Awareness Day. On that day, communities in the USA and all over the world will sponsor events to highlight the growing tragic issue of elder abuse.

Your readers -- young and old -- should know that the U.S. Administration on Aging estimates that as many as 5 million seniors are abused or neglected each year in the United States.

Elder abuse can be physical, emotional, financial and sexual. It also includes people who are neglected. Elders who are abused are twice as likely to be hospitalized, four times as likely to go into nursing homes and three times as likely to die.

Elder abuse can be prevented if everyone would learn the warning signs and report it to Adult Protective Services or the police if they suspect it is happening. -- MARY TWOMEY, MSW, UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA-IRVINE

DEAR READERS: I was dismayed to learn that 90 percent of elder abuse happens at the hands of a family member or a caregiver. The descriptions of the kinds of treatment these elderly adults experience are frightening, and frankly, not suitable for readers of all ages. That is why I am urging readers to get more information on this important subject by visiting www.ncea.aoa.gov.

We can all stop this scourge if we know what to look for and are willing to speak up when we see the warning signs. There, but for the grace of God, go you and I.

AbuseFamily & ParentingHealth & Safety
life

After Husband's Passing, Introductions Can Be Awkward

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 13th, 2013 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I was married to a wonderful man, "Ted," who was 20 years my senior. In social situations his adult children would introduce me as "Dad's wife" or "Ted's wife." Sadly, my husband passed away, and his children no longer know how to refer to me socially.

I was recently asked by Ted's children how I wished to be introduced, but I'm not sure. I don't think "stepmother" is appropriate because I'm only four to seven years older than they are. Do you have any ideas as to what might be appropriate? -- "MARILYN" IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR "MARILYN": You could be introduced as "Dad's widow," "my late father's wife" or simply by your name.

Etiquette & EthicsMarriage & DivorceFamily & Parenting
life

Repeat Requests For Assistance With Adoption Should Be Scrutinized

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | June 13th, 2013 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Some friends are in the process of adopting two children internationally. Early on, they had a garage sale with the proceeds going toward the adoption. I was excited for them and wanted to help. However, this was soon followed by more requests -- for yard sale donations, two more garage sales, the "opportunity" to buy expensive coffee online, a fundraising dinner, and then a solicitation for me and others to provide a "virtual shower" of plane ticket money.

Each time I am notified about another fundraiser, I feel less and less charitable. I have never been asked for money for the same thing in so many different ways in such a short time. While I'm thrilled with their desire to adopt, I am increasingly disgusted and put off by their continued pleas for money. Am I wrong to be so upset about this? -- A LITTLE TICKED OFF

DEAR TICKED OFF: It appears your "friends" are taking advantage of your generosity. It will continue for only as long as you permit it. Because the requests for help are continuous, are you absolutely sure this couple is really in the middle of the adoption process and not using the money for some other purpose? Before donating anything else, you should find out.

Etiquette & EthicsMoney

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