life

Rv's on Highways This Summer Will Need Extra Room to Roam

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 17th, 2013 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: It's vacation time again, time to hit the road in the RV. Please make your readers aware that people driving motorhomes, towing fifth-wheel trailers and travel trailers cannot stop as quickly as a small car or truck.

When people cut in front of an RV or a large truck and slam on their brakes, it puts many people's lives in danger. There is a reason we leave that large space between our RV and the vehicle in front of us. It provides us room to stop as well as the ability to see what's happening in the traffic ahead.

Your readers should also know that even though we RV-ers have mirrors and possibly rear video cameras, there are many blind spots -- especially if the car behind us is following too close or weaving in and out of lanes.

The bottom line is: Be safe. Be courteous. Drive like your life and the lives of others are in your control because it is literally true. -- HAPPY CAMPER, PASCO, WASH.

DEAR HAPPY CAMPER: I'm glad you wrote because I have received several letters recently, asking me to alert my readers about the risk of driving too close to RVs and fifth-wheel vehicles. Too many motorists don't realize that it's impossible to stop suddenly while pulling a load that weighs several tons. A word to the wise ...

Health & Safety
life

Co-Worker Taking Advantage Of Generosity

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 17th, 2013 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: A woman here at work constantly asks to borrow money. The first time she did it, she caught me off guard and I gave her $20. The second time she sent me an email asking for a loan, I replied that I only had a few dollars.

I'm not the only person she asks. Five other people in our department have told me she has hit them up too. One of them reported her to our HR manager, but it hasn't stopped her. To be fair, she did return the $20 I loaned her, but isn't this akin to a hostile work environment?

We all avoid her because we know she'll ask for money, but we also have to work with her every day. Times are tough for everyone, and it's irritating that she thinks she's the only one with money problems.

Is there anything we can do short of ganging up on her and telling her to leave us all alone? -- ALSO FEELING THE PINCH IN UTAH

DEAR ALSO FEELING THE PINCH: The next time the woman asks for a loan, tell her you're not in the loan business, and that you're not the only one who feels put upon. Suggest that unless she wants to become an outcast she will stop asking for money because it has made everyone uncomfortable. If she persists after that, report what she's doing to HR as a group.

Work & SchoolEtiquette & EthicsMoney
life

How To Be Respectful In Religious Ceremonies

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 17th, 2013 | Letter 3 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend who was raised Catholic. I'm not Catholic, and every time I attend a wedding or funeral for one of her family members I feel uncomfortable and awkward. I often sit in the very back pew to go unnoticed.

The Catholic Church offers beautiful, unique customs that I am simply ignorant about -- like when to sit, kneel, recite, take bread, etc. I feel if I don't comply with customs at these events, I might come off as rude or disrespectful. On the other hand, if I do try, my ignorance may appear just as rude and disrespectful.

What is the right thing to do in situations like these? I want to be respectful of any religion. -- MANNERLY IN INDIANA

DEAR MANNERLY: No rule of etiquette demands that you participate in the rituals of another person's religion. If you feel uncomfortable sitting while others kneel or stand, then follow their lead. Or, continue to sit quietly at the back of the church as you are doing, which is perfectly acceptable. However, only members of the congregation in good standing should take communion.

Etiquette & Ethics
life

Woman Needs Courage to End Man's Plan for Future Together

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 16th, 2013 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am a divorcee with college-aged children. I love my children, and I thought I loved my ex. However, after my divorce I wonder if I'm capable of loving anyone other than my children again.

Two years after the divorce I started a relationship with a man who is 10 years older. He had recently ended a long-term dating/living together relationship. I wasn't particularly drawn to him, but he was very persistent. We finally, jokingly, agreed to be "exclusively casual" and began dating. My children don't dislike him; they are indifferent to him.

We have been dating for six years. I do not love him. He, however, professes to adore me and wants us to spend our lives together. I do not want this to go on any longer. I have some serious health issues and I'm not interested in having him as my caretaker. He has already made plans for us to be together for this. I don't want him doing this for me.

He's a good man. He deserves someone who wants the devotion he is so willing to give. How do I tell him to move on? I'm financially stable. He's not after my money; he's very comfortable on his own. I need to force him to go find a woman who needs or wants him. Many of his friends think I take advantage of his feelings. I don't want to be in this position any longer. Any advice you could offer would be a gift. -- DRAGGING MY FEET IN TEXAS

DEAR DRAGGING YOUR FEET: The longer you put this off, the harder it will be, and if you don't open your mouth you are going to find yourself in exactly the position you say you don't want to be. The magic words are:

"'John,' I have enjoyed your friendship, but I'm not in love with you. I had hoped that as time passed I would fall in love with you, but it hasn't happened and now I realize it isn't going to. I want to deal with my health issues on my own. I don't want you to be my caretaker. What I do want is to end our relationship so you can find a woman who will love you the way you deserve to be loved. Sadly, that's not me -- but I wish you well and ... goodbye."

Do not expect him to welcome this dose of reality, but those are the words that will set you -- and him -- free.

Love & Dating
life

Veteran Finding It Hard To Connect To College Classmates

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 16th, 2013 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I am a veteran and while I have spent this past year in school, I can't seem to connect with any of the younger students there. It's disheartening, to be honest, and I feel it's part of the reason I can't enjoy school at my age (23) after all my experiences in combat.

I can't decide whether to drop out and join a private security company, or tough it out and deal with these kids who don't take education seriously. I miss work at the same time. Any thoughts? -- TORN IN MILFORD, CONN.

DEAR TORN: The students you describe are at a very different level of maturity than you -- and I don't mean chronologically. After having experienced combat, you have a different perspective on what's important in life than someone who hasn't been tested.

You have earned the right to a college degree, so please don't waste the opportunity. If you complete your education, you will have more career options than if you quit now. If you feel you want to go into security work after graduation, that option will still be open. Others may not be.

Work & School
life

Free Family Health Kits Offer News You Can Use

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 15th, 2013 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: When friends and family get together, the conversation often turns to the subject of health. They swap stories about the medications they may be taking and the lifestyle changes they're making to improve their health. They look to each other for support and tips to get through the flu or a nasty case of food poisoning, and rely on each other's experience to tackle challenges like quitting smoking, managing heart disease, diabetes, menopause or conquering insomnia.

To help your readers support their loved ones through these health issues and many more, the FDA's Office of Women's Health and the GSA's Federal Citizen Information Center have created the free Friends and Family Health Kit. It contains more than 20 publications that are quick to read, easy to understand, and feature health care and prevention tips for women and their families.

Abby, thank you for letting your readers know about the Friends and Family Health Kit, and for sharing advice we can all use to better care for ourselves and for one another. -- MARSHA HENDERSON, FDA ASSISTANT COMMISSIONER FOR WOMEN'S HEALTH

DEAR MARSHA: Your letter is timely because we are in the middle of Women's Health Week, which runs from May 12-18. I'm always glad to receive your health kits because they are constantly being updated to reflect the latest information.

This year's health kits cover subjects that include recognizing health scams, preventing food poisoning, managing your medications from pregnancy to menopause, participating in clinical trials (which can be a lifesaver), controlling asthma, selecting a mammography facility, and staying safe with cosmetics and tattooing.

There is no charge for the Friends and Family Health Kits and they're easy to order. Just send your name and address to Friends and Family Health Kit, Pueblo, CO 81009; go online to www.promotions.usa.gov/dearabby.html; or call: 888-8-PUEBLO (that's 888-878-3256) weekdays, 8 a.m. to 8 p.m. Eastern time. The publications can also be read online in PDF format, or be downloaded to your computer and printed out. Print supplies are limited, so don't wait to order them.

Health & SafetyFriends & NeighborsFamily & Parenting
life

Setting Boundaries While On Vacation

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | May 15th, 2013 | Letter 2 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I live in Alaska and have good friends I visit every summer on the East Coast. I have some acquaintances and former co-workers who live there, too. Many of them want me to visit when I come down. I have grown apart from these former friends and keep in touch only through occasional emails and Facebook.

Flying from Alaska to the East Coast is expensive and time-consuming. I really just want to rest and hang out with the friends I'll be staying with. Even when I avoid posting pictures of my vacation on Facebook until after the trip, I get comments or emails about me not stopping by or letting them know I was in town.

What's the polite way to tell these former co-workers and acquaintances that I don't want to spend my vacation time with them? Or should I just get over it and devote some time to them as well? -- TRYING TO BE POLITE IN ANCHORAGE

DEAR TRYING TO BE POLITE: If you have any desire to continue the relationships with your former co-workers and acquaintances, why not arrange to meet a group of them at an agreed-upon place one afternoon for a "reunion"? If you don't, then either ignore their comments or respond to the emails by saying you needed to rest, which is the reason you didn't socialize more during your vacation.

Friends & NeighborsEtiquette & Ethics

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