DEAR ABBY: I'm responding to your request for comments about the letter from "Happily Single" (Feb. 13) and whether a divorce would be the first course of action upon winning the lottery. In a community-property state, a divorce after winning wouldn't legally protect you from having to share the spoils with your soon-to-be (and probably now bitter) ex-spouse.

My husband and I have talked at length about what we'd do if either of us won the Powerball jackpots, and no, divorce was not on the list. We'd start by consulting a lawyer/financial planner to find a way to protect our privacy before claiming the money.

I suspect the comments from "Happily's" co-workers are evidence that unhappily marrieds group together -- or enjoy complaining about their spouses. Either way, it's sad. Studies show that complaining about a spouse significantly decreases one's satisfaction in a relationship. While we all "vent" from time to time, if talking divorce is your first response to a jackpot win, then you're in the wrong relationship. -- IN IT FOR THE LONG HAUL

DEAR IN IT: I hit the jackpot with the huge response I received about that letter. And the majority of readers said they would not divorce:

DEAR ABBY: I am a lottery winner, and I feel blessed and proud that I can take care of my wife the way she deserves. Within two minutes of my win I was on the phone with her, telling her to quit her stressful job. We now have a wonderful life, with more than we ever hoped for. -- SATISFIED IN THE SUNSHINE STATE

DEAR ABBY: I'm single, but that letter didn't surprise me. I think a lot of people feel they must be married by a certain age, so they end up "settling." Read some of the crazy lottery winner stories posted online, and you'll see people trade in their spouses because they feel they can do better or "move up," kind of like buying a bigger, better house. I'm not saying it's right, but it happens. -- CINDY IN ARLINGTON, VA.

DEAR ABBY: If I won the lottery, the first thing I'd do is get married. We're waiting so we can afford the nice wedding we both want. -- STEPHANIE IN SAUGUS, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: The first thing I'd do if I won is pay off all my debts. I'm already divorced. -- DIANA IN TEXAS CITY, TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: I wouldn't consider getting divorced if I won, but I might finally buy that second husband I've been wanting but can't afford. -- TACOMA READER

DEAR ABBY: I've been married for 40 years. If I won I would not divorce. There's no way I'd want to give him half the money. I would stay married so I could have control over the money he spent. It would make up for all the years that he would pinch my pennies and make me squeeze a nickel till the buffalo pooped. -- WISHFUL IN OHIO

DEAR ABBY: If I were to win the lottery, I would trade all of it just to have one more hug and one more night talking with my wife, who died 16 years ago. Our children were young when she died, and I have tried my best to raise them to be good adults. But my heart still aches over losing her to cancer. I believe all widows and widowers would agree with me on this. -- TRENT IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR ABBY: "When" we win, my husband and I plan on going into a self-made "witness protection program" to hide from the long-lost relatives. But we will absolutely do it together. -- HOPING IN GEORGIA

DEAR ABBY: My granddaughter and her boyfriend live in another state, and I love hearing from her. However, when I call her, she always puts me on speaker phone, which I find rude.

I have never met her boyfriend and don't feel he should be in on everything I may talk to my granddaughter about. I think she's forming a bad habit. Am I wrong for feeling this way? -- PRIVATE GRANDMA IN FLORIDA

DEAR PRIVATE: I don't think so. Not every word that comes out of your mouth should be community property. The next time it happens, all you have to do is say, "Honey, take me off the speaker, please."

DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Carlene," is a neonatal ICU nurse who is required to work a certain number of holidays. For the past 12 years, her family has feigned attempting to accommodate her schedule and then planned holiday events at the same exact time and place as the year before. They have ignored repeated explanations and don't seem to care if we come or not.

For example, last Thanksgiving they once again made a big deal about everyone sending their schedules via email. We responded that Carlene would have to work until 3 p.m. Shortly after, we received a call from the host, who said: "We know you can't make it, but the celebration will be at 12 sharp! Maybe we'll see you some other time."

Abby, my wife feels like she is unimportant to everyone. She plans to stop attending all family events and celebrate only with me and our daughter. While that would be easier, I know it probably isn't the best solution. Should I support her decision, or is there some answer I haven't thought of yet? -- LET DOWN IN TEXAS

DEAR LET DOWN: Your wife should make no decisions about future celebrations while she's angry. If she follows through on her impulse to boycott all family events, she will be cutting her nose off to spite her face.

On those occasions when it's not possible to attend extended family gatherings, celebrating with immediate family seems like a sensible solution. Or consider hosting the celebration yourselves so you can set the party time.

Your wife may have self-esteem issues that need to be addressed if she's taking this personally. As a nurse caring for the most fragile of infants, she's doing important work that should be respected. Please tell her to remind herself of that fact any time she feels "unimportant" because her efforts make the difference between life and death.

DEAR ABBY: I got pregnant by a man I'll call "Ryan," who was just a fling. When I told him, he told me to have an abortion. He even had a friend of his call, offer to pay for it and drive me.

Instead, I decided to "abort" Ryan from my life. I never told him when our baby was born. Part of me feels bad because I think every child should know his/her father and family members. Another man has been willing to step up and be a daddy for my child.

Should I even bother to let Ryan know? Should I give him a chance to rise to the occasion or keep things the way they are? -- LIVING MY LIFE IN INDIANA

DEAR LIVING YOUR LIFE: This is really a question you should ask a lawyer, just in case Ryan has already risen as much as he intends to. Whether or not someone has stepped up to be your baby's daddy, Ryan has a financial obligation to that child.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 60-year-old woman with grown children. My husband and I divorced after 30 years of marriage because he met someone at work. It was a quick process, and because I was in shock, I agreed to the terms of the divorce even though they weren't in my favor.

Two years ago I met a very nice man who treats me with respect and love. He wants a future for us, and so do I, but I can't get over one thing: He has two illegitimate children -- one he didn't even know about -- and although the son is an adult, he is still paying back support.

I hate to sound like a snob, but this situation isn't OK with me. I'm afraid I will always bring it up when I am angry. I'm thinking maybe if we wait until the support obligation has ended I might feel different, but who knows? I'd appreciate some advice. -- CAN'T GET OVER IT IN GEORGIA

DEAR CAN'T GET OVER IT: I know very few people over 35 who don't carry some kind of baggage from past experiences. You don't have to approve of everything in his suitcase, but if you plan on having a long-term relationship with this "very nice man," you will have to accept that he is fulfilling his legal obligation.

Dragging the past into the present during an argument is an unhealthy expression of anger. It's guaranteed to drive a partner away. Until you can find a more constructive way to work out disagreements, you shouldn't marry anyone.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are in our 30s and have been married 15 years. Over the past year we have been intimate only about once every three months. I tried to spice things up to see if I could get him interested, but he reacted by becoming upset, defensive and insinuating that I have an unnatural fixation on sex.

After some discussions, it turns out he's having erectile dysfunction problems. I was relieved to know it wasn't lack of interest, but now I'm even more confused by his unwillingness to see a doctor. It has been a couple of months since he confided his problem to me, but he has done nothing to try and correct it.

I offered to go to the doctor with him, have joint therapy -- I even tried being a little extra kinky to see if it would help.

He still refuses to see a doctor or go to therapy. I'm completely stumped and unsure what else to do. Any advice will truly be appreciated. -- NEEDS LOVIN' IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR NEEDS LOVIN': You have done everything you can do. Your husband may be embarrassed or afraid, which is why he's avoiding going to a doctor. Be supportive, but you need to ask him what he plans to do about this -- if anything -- because the absence of physical affection is unfair to you.

DEAR ABBY: My 14-year-old granddaughter "Lana" has unfriended me on Facebook twice during the last week. Her mother told me she has been unfriended, too, because Lana doesn't want adults seeing what she's doing on Facebook. How would you handle this? -- NANA IN OHIO

DEAR NANA: I'd suggest that Lana's mother tell her daughter that if she wants to continue on Facebook, she had better keep Mom and Grandma as friends.