DEAR ABBY: I'm a 60-year-old woman with grown children. My husband and I divorced after 30 years of marriage because he met someone at work. It was a quick process, and because I was in shock, I agreed to the terms of the divorce even though they weren't in my favor.
Two years ago I met a very nice man who treats me with respect and love. He wants a future for us, and so do I, but I can't get over one thing: He has two illegitimate children -- one he didn't even know about -- and although the son is an adult, he is still paying back support.
I hate to sound like a snob, but this situation isn't OK with me. I'm afraid I will always bring it up when I am angry. I'm thinking maybe if we wait until the support obligation has ended I might feel different, but who knows? I'd appreciate some advice. -- CAN'T GET OVER IT IN GEORGIA
DEAR CAN'T GET OVER IT: I know very few people over 35 who don't carry some kind of baggage from past experiences. You don't have to approve of everything in his suitcase, but if you plan on having a long-term relationship with this "very nice man," you will have to accept that he is fulfilling his legal obligation.
Dragging the past into the present during an argument is an unhealthy expression of anger. It's guaranteed to drive a partner away. Until you can find a more constructive way to work out disagreements, you shouldn't marry anyone.