DEAR ABBY: I'm a 60-year-old woman with grown children. My husband and I divorced after 30 years of marriage because he met someone at work. It was a quick process, and because I was in shock, I agreed to the terms of the divorce even though they weren't in my favor.

Two years ago I met a very nice man who treats me with respect and love. He wants a future for us, and so do I, but I can't get over one thing: He has two illegitimate children -- one he didn't even know about -- and although the son is an adult, he is still paying back support.

I hate to sound like a snob, but this situation isn't OK with me. I'm afraid I will always bring it up when I am angry. I'm thinking maybe if we wait until the support obligation has ended I might feel different, but who knows? I'd appreciate some advice. -- CAN'T GET OVER IT IN GEORGIA

DEAR CAN'T GET OVER IT: I know very few people over 35 who don't carry some kind of baggage from past experiences. You don't have to approve of everything in his suitcase, but if you plan on having a long-term relationship with this "very nice man," you will have to accept that he is fulfilling his legal obligation.

Dragging the past into the present during an argument is an unhealthy expression of anger. It's guaranteed to drive a partner away. Until you can find a more constructive way to work out disagreements, you shouldn't marry anyone.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are in our 30s and have been married 15 years. Over the past year we have been intimate only about once every three months. I tried to spice things up to see if I could get him interested, but he reacted by becoming upset, defensive and insinuating that I have an unnatural fixation on sex.

After some discussions, it turns out he's having erectile dysfunction problems. I was relieved to know it wasn't lack of interest, but now I'm even more confused by his unwillingness to see a doctor. It has been a couple of months since he confided his problem to me, but he has done nothing to try and correct it.

I offered to go to the doctor with him, have joint therapy -- I even tried being a little extra kinky to see if it would help.

He still refuses to see a doctor or go to therapy. I'm completely stumped and unsure what else to do. Any advice will truly be appreciated. -- NEEDS LOVIN' IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR NEEDS LOVIN': You have done everything you can do. Your husband may be embarrassed or afraid, which is why he's avoiding going to a doctor. Be supportive, but you need to ask him what he plans to do about this -- if anything -- because the absence of physical affection is unfair to you.

DEAR ABBY: My 14-year-old granddaughter "Lana" has unfriended me on Facebook twice during the last week. Her mother told me she has been unfriended, too, because Lana doesn't want adults seeing what she's doing on Facebook. How would you handle this? -- NANA IN OHIO

DEAR NANA: I'd suggest that Lana's mother tell her daughter that if she wants to continue on Facebook, she had better keep Mom and Grandma as friends.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 13-year-old girl who has been trying to give my father a second chance. I was taken away from my parents when I was 8 because they were on drugs. I haven't seen my father for three years, but now that he's living with my grandparents and me, I decided to give him a second chance.

He has been very "hand-sy" with me -- giving me massages, kissing my cheek -- and this all makes me very uncomfortable. I thought it was because he hasn't seen me in a while, but today as I was leaving to go to my mom's, he slapped my butt as I walked out the door. Now I'm scared. I spend a lot of the day at home with him alone. I don't want things to get out of hand. Any advice? -- WORRIED IN DELAWARE

DEAR WORRIED: Your father has lost three years with you. He may not realize that his "little girl" is no longer a child. That is why it is important that you tell him what he's doing makes you uncomfortable. You should also tell your mother and grandparents about what's happening and that it scares you. You do not have to tolerate unwanted contact, and if it persists, report it to a teacher or counselor at school or contact me again.

DEAR ABBY: I have a dilemma. I work in a small high school in a student support position. Girls come into my office who are pregnant and excited about it! Telling them congratulations for putting themselves in this position seems counterproductive, or like I am endorsing this choice. I don't!

No high school girls -- or boys, for that matter -- should put themselves in a position to be a parent when they themselves aren't fully grown and independent. I feel like saying, "You have ruined your life" instead, but I hold my tongue. What do you suggest? -- DON'T WANT TO ENCOURAGE THEM IN ILLINOIS

DEAR DON'T WANT TO ENCOURAGE: Your job is to support the students, not to condemn or endorse their predicament. Telling a pregnant girl she has ruined her life isn't helpful. What you need to do is encourage the girl to get a diploma while she can.

Too many girls fail to complete their high school education when they have a baby, and it impedes their ability to provide for themselves and their child because they are suited only for minimum-wage jobs. If you are enthusiastic about helping them, your positive attitude may be contagious and inspire them to succeed.

DEAR ABBY: I wrote you a short time ago about my marital problems, but I have to share this with you! My husband, who walked out on me, went to a counselor for a session. Then we went together, and he learned a few things about me and himself.

He is coming back, and we are going to work harder at our marriage. We both recognize there were places where we needed to work together more, that he doesn't need to be afraid to talk to me and I can be pretty understanding.

Thank you so much for being there, Abby. I know you always recommend talking to a counselor before doing anything rash, and you are so right. It made all the difference. -- GRATEFUL WIFE IN ARIZONA

DEAR GRATEFUL: I'm pleased counseling helped to open the clogged lines of communication between you and your husband. While it may seem expensive, it's far cheaper than a divorce can be, both emotionally and financially.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 29 and for 10 years I have been struggling with controlling parents. They have cut two of my sisters out of their lives because they live closer to their spouses' parents.

My husband and I are full-time students, ex-military and taking advantage of the G.I. Bill. We're looking for jobs, but my parents have threatened not to speak to me if we take jobs closer to his parents. I'm trying to be fair to both sets of parents, but we can't stay unemployed because of this issue. We have a family to support.

I tried reasoning with them, but I'm unsure how to proceed. Dad called and offered my husband a job in my hometown. We declined because if we accept, they will expect us to live near them. Please tell me what to do. I don't want my family to fall apart any more than it already has. -- SMOTHERED IN THE SOUTH

DEAR SMOTHERED: If you feel smothered now, imagine how it would be if you and your husband were economically dependent on your parents. No part of your lives would be separate from them, and you would be completely under their control. Holding the family together is not your responsibility, and you should not sacrifice your independence in an attempt to do so.

Your parents' emotional blackmail has already driven away two of your sisters and their families. I assume you have relationships with your siblings. I'm advising you to maintain them and live your own lives. With time, your parents may realize they haven't isolated their children; they have isolated only themselves.

DEAR ABBY: Today I saw a former classmate I hadn't seen in 22 years. He always seemed a little slow and different from the rest of us, and he was picked on at school because of it. When I said hello to him and reminded him of my name and that we went to school together, he said, "You danced with me at prom, and I always thought that was so nice!" I had forgotten that I had danced with him, but obviously, the fact that I did meant something to him.

My parents raised me to be nice to everyone, even if they weren't in my circle of friends. I'm not claiming that I was a saint in school, but I did try to stand up for people who were being picked on.

I wanted to share with your readers that any act of kindness probably means more than you know to the other person. I will be sharing my parents' message of kindness with my own daughter, and I hope other parents read this and do the same. -- PASSING IT ON IN OHIO

DEAR PASSING IT ON: Thank you for a wonderful letter. Your lesson in compassion is one that all parents should discuss with their children.

DEAR ABBY: I'm an 18-year-old girl who will be job searching pretty soon. I have never felt the need to wear makeup in my day-to-day life, but now I'm wondering. Is it unprofessional to go into a workplace sans makeup? Will future bosses think I don't look put-together? I wonder if any other girls my age are having the same confusion. -- READY TO BE OUT THERE

DEAR READY: It depends upon what kind of job you'll be searching for. If you plan to work with the public, you should try to look your best at all times. For your interviews, you should be neatly, but conservatively dressed. And as for makeup, you needn't apply it as though you were going on stage, but a touch of color wouldn't hurt.