DEAR ABBY: "Jake" and I have been married more than 20 years. I married before I was 18, and I'm not even 40 yet. Jake is seven years my senior. We have had our ups and downs, and although the last five years have been fine, I want more out of life than sitting home watching TV or hanging out with him.

We have two children. One is away at college and the other starting high school. When I talk to my husband about wanting to do things, he says I should have done them when I was younger. But I married him before I was even an adult!

Is it wrong to want to go out and do things I never got to do when I was a teenager? It makes me question whether or not I want to be married to him anymore. I still love him, but I have changed.

Jake insists we don't need counseling and I just need to get over it and accept that this is my life. What if I don't want to regret what I have never had a chance to do? -- WANTS MORE OUT WEST

DEAR WANTS MORE: I'm sorry, but you can't relive your lost teenage years.

I wish you had been more specific about what it is you want to do. If it's go out and have some fun, perhaps some of your girlfriends would like to go with you. Instead of sitting home, you and Jake could socialize with other couples. If you're into sports, why not join a women's sports team? If you're not, how about a book club? You don't have to sit around and vegetate.

You also didn't mention whether you completed high school. If you didn't receive a diploma, you would be well-served to work on earning your GED, which could widen your horizons and opportunities considerably.

DEAR ABBY: I have two daughters, 11 and 14. They fight over many things, but what gets to me is the way they fight over what television shows to watch.

My younger daughter has nightmares if she watches even mildly dramatic cop/lawyer-type shows. However, my older daughter loves them.

At home, I'd have one kid watch TV in one room and the other in the other room. However, when they're at the sitter's house, which has only one TV, they call me at work and fight over the phone over who watches what. They both accuse me of favoring the other.

How do I deal with this fairly without upsetting them? And how do I keep my younger daughter from having nightmares? -- DOING MY BEST IN KENTUCKY

DEAR DOING: Because your younger daughter has nightmares after viewing shows that create anxiety, she shouldn't be forced to do it. When they are at their sitter's, they should alternate days when each has control of the remote control. When your older girl has it, the younger one should be encouraged to read a book of her choosing and/or listen to music. When the younger one gets to do the choosing, the older one should do the same.

DEAR ABBY: Christmas and birthday gifts I will never use have accumulated around my house. I'd like to have a yard sale, but many of the items came from close friends and family. I feel guilty getting rid of them because the people who gave them to me obviously meant well. Would selling them be wrong?

One gift was from my mother. I live at home, so she will notice if I stick it in the garage sale. I can't let this extra stuff sit around. It's taking up space and I need the money for a very expensive college. But I'm afraid of people finding out that I don't want their presents. What should I do? -- DOWNSIZING IN NEW YORK

DEAR DOWNSIZING: Selling the items would not be wrong. Once a gift is given, it is yours to do with as you please. If you offer them for sale online, it will be less obvious and cause fewer hurt feelings.

DEAR ABBY: I was moved by the letter from "Losing Slowly in Ohio" (Jan. 14), who is 50 pounds overweight and walks every day with her friend to lose weight. She said that almost daily people made fun of them. My heart goes out to her.

I was in her shoes once. With diet and exercise I lost more than 60 pounds, and I've kept it off. But I was never ridiculed as she was. On the contrary, one day after I had just begun a daily 1-mile jog and was struggling to keep going, I passed by a man who cheerfully called out to me to "keep at it, and one day you'll be a 10!"

Abby, I can't tell you what that meant to me. I thought about his encouragement whenever I felt hopeless and was thinking of giving up. The memory of his kind words inspired me to go on. Thirty years later, I still think about his encouragement with amazement and gratitude.

We all have a choice: We can be kind to each other and offer friends and strangers alike support for the challenges we all face, or we can make ourselves feel superior by being cruel and demeaning. In the end, our choice shapes our character and we receive what we give, so we must choose wisely.

I'm sorry that "Losing" has met with only ignorant jerks so far. I would be honored to pay it forward and tell her how incredibly brave she is, and to encourage her to stick with it. Because she has the courage to keep exercising in the face of constant humiliation, I know without a doubt that she will reach her goals. -- WENDY IN COLORADO

DEAR WENDY: Thank you for your upbeat response. Many other readers were quick to "weigh in" with letters of support for "Losing Slowly":

DEAR ABBY: I, too, have a weight problem, which I am working to resolve. But I can tell you from experience that the worst kind of discrimination is directed against people with weight problems. I have been insulted in the workplace, in restaurants and doctor's offices. I have not been hired for jobs because I am perceived as fat and lazy.

I am not lazy! I keep a clean house, work hard at my job as a secretary every day, and I am a good wife and parent. We may ignore it and pretend that it doesn't hurt us or matter, but I can tell you it is painful, demeaning, and it doesn't go away. I have been in meetings or at social functions and have had to excuse myself to have a good cry. -- STILL SUFFERING IN KENTUCKY

DEAR ABBY: Please let "Losing Slowly" know she has another option to continue her new, healthy lifestyle in a safe environment. I have worked in malls for years, and they have all had a mall walkers' club.

The mall allows people in to walk, including many seniors, before it opens in the morning. There she will have access to a place where everyone is on the same page. The walkers are safe from traffic, the climate, and morons who have the manners of a junkyard dog. The regulars there can tell her how many miles they can cover. It's a great society of people who support and root for each other. -- NEVER GIVING UP IN SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ABBY: I would suggest the two ladies create T-shirts that read "At Least We're Trying!" and watch the jeers turn into cheers. -- CAROL IN WISCONSIN

DEAR ABBY: I applaud her effort and your response, but may I raise the issue of people like myself who are ridiculed about being too thin? Strangers say things like "Eat something, or the wind will blow you away!" Please remind your readers that making fun of very thin people is just as hurtful as doing it to overweight individuals. -- WISP OF A WOMAN IN THE WEST

DEAR ABBY: My son is a tall, strikingly handsome teenager, although somewhat shy. Our problem is that his looks attract the wrong kind of attention from aggressive girls, and it's getting worse every year.

He and his 14-year-old sister went out to eat after school yesterday, and when they returned it was obvious my son was upset and his sister was furious. She said a group of college girls at a table next to them were teasing and taunting my son with blatantly sexual propositions. They went so far as to touch him suggestively as they got up to leave.

I'm sure they got the physical response from him they wanted; he is only 17, after all. But he was clearly angry, embarrassed and ashamed. He said he felt trapped and didn't know what to do.

The sexual harassment of young men is often laughed off with a wink and a nudge, but it isn't funny. It can be as painful and damaging to men as to women. Furthermore, my son is a minor, and I suspect the college girls were adults, if the beer on the table was any indication.

I am trying to raise my son to respect women and to be a decent man, husband and father someday, but frankly, I'm at a loss as to how to help him handle this type of sexual aggressiveness from girls. Do you or any of your readers have any suggestions? -- SHOCKED MOM IN TENNESSEE

DEAR MOM: I can see why your son and daughter were upset. He was not only sexually harassed by those young women, but when they put their hands on him, he was assaulted. When the teasing escalated, he and his sister should have changed tables or left the restaurant.

If your son's father is in the picture, he should discuss the incident with your son. If that's not possible, another adult male should help him understand that his arousal was normal and nothing to be ashamed of. I am sure my male readers will also want to weigh in on your letter because what happened to your son was outrageous.

DEAR ABBY: I recently bought a used car for myself. It is exotic, and my wife and I really like it. She's upset with me, however, because I won't let her drive it unless I'm in the car. I bought it with the intent for us to enjoy it, but I am also concerned with keeping it in good shape.

Because my wife is unhappy, I am undecided about whether to keep the car and stick to my guns, or sell it and live life simply and unfettered. We share everything, but the car is one thing that needs careful attention. Can you give me some advice? -- DOESN'T WANT IT DENTED IN RANCHO CORDOVA, CALIF.

DEAR DOESN'T WANT IT DENTED: Let's be honest. On one hand, you say you bought the car for yourself, and on the other, you say you bought it for both of you to enjoy. You can't have it both ways, so which is it?

I think the time has come to confess to your wife that even though you said the car was for both of you, it's really your baby. Then make it up to her by buying her that special something she has always wished for.