DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are contemplating starting a family. When I was younger I wanted children, but over the years my personal experiences have caused trepidation. Because of divorce and the custody battles of my older siblings, I know the amount of blood, sweat and tears that go into children.

I work in the field of social services. Every day I am confronted with families who struggle with more children than they can care for and with behavioral and emotional problems. Frankly, it has turned me off. I am terrified of all the "what ifs."

I can't talk to my family because I don't want to tell them they have created part of my problem. My in-laws can't understand why we don't have children yet.

My husband keeps insisting "everything will be fine." I love him deeply and he would make an amazing father. My heart wants this, but my head isn't sure. I can't picture our future without children, but the fear of actually having them brings me to tears. Can you help me? -- SCARED TO TAKE THE NEXT STEP

DEAR SCARED: Children don't come with 100 percent, money-back guarantees. What they need in order to thrive is parents who love each other and them, and who are willing to put forth the time and energy to raise them. I don't know what went wrong in your siblings' marriages, but it appears their kids have been used as pawns rather than having their own interests put first. If both parents cooperated in the interests of the children there would be no battles.

Please do not allow the dysfunction you have seen in your work to influence your decision. You and your husband will not be having more children than you can afford, and I assume you are approaching the idea of parenthood in a mature fashion. I would caution you about one thing, however. Having a child because of pressure from your in-laws would be a poor reason to embark upon parenthood.

DEAR ABBY: I'm at a crossroads. I have been married for 15 years and have two children. I love my wife and have been content with this life for a long time. However, for years I have felt like something was missing.

I recently become close friends with a man who is in the same situation. One day he confided that he is gay and has known it for more than 10 years. He told me he, too, had been content with his life but had grown increasingly depressed before we met.

As our friendship has developed I have come to realize that I'm gay as well. It was a struggle to finally admit this to myself, but I accept that it's the truth. My friend and I have been exploring our sexuality together, and he says he is happier than he has been in years.

Both of us love our wives and children; however, we desperately need to fulfill our own needs as well. Do you have any advice on the best way to move forward that will have minimal impact on everyone involved? -- IN A DIFFICULT SITUATION

DEAR IN: You say you have known for years that something was missing. Well, it is possible that your wives have felt the same way, and may have blamed themselves for it. That's why it is important for you and your friend to explain everything to them honestly.

It would be helpful for everyone who will be affected to seek counseling and receive the emotional support they will need through this life-changing transition. You and your lover should go online and find the nearest gay and lesbian community center. (Visit www.lgbtcenters.org for a complete list.) Your wives should contact the Straight Spouse Network, which has been mentioned in my column many times. It can be reached at www.straightspouse.org.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I have been married 17 years. For the most part, our marriage has been great, and I love her very much. Lately, though, I have felt that our sexual and emotional intimacy has been lacking. I spoke to her about it recently and tried to explain how I feel. She has responded, and things are improving.

Still, she spends most of her time on her cellphone checking email, Facebook, Pinterest and watching Netflix. At bedtime, she stays on her phone or laptop until after I have gone to bed. When she comes to bed, she ignores me and goes straight to sleep, even if I have been lying there awake in the dark waiting for her.

Has she fallen in love with her cellphone? Even if we don't have sex all the time, I would just like to be able to talk to her or hold her for a minute before we go to sleep. Any suggestions other than throwing her phone out the window? -- ABANDONED HUSBAND IN UTAH

DEAR ABANDONED: You say your wife has responded and things are hopeful. That means she is at least receptive to working on your marital relationship.

The problems that cellphones cause in relationships is something I am hearing about with increasing frequency. People have become so dependent upon their digital companions that in some cases it's impossible to turn them off because people have become literally addicted.

In cases like this, a licensed therapist should be consulted. Of course, like any addiction the sufferer must be willing to admit there is a problem and want to do something about it. I wish there was a 12-step program to which I could refer you, but I was unable to locate one. In the future I'm willing to bet that they'll sprout up like mushrooms.

DEAR ABBY: Six months ago, I realized I had a drinking problem and decided to go through a chemical dependence program as an outpatient. I'm sober now and attend meetings a few times a week. My problem is someone I was barely acquainted with was also in the same program. I didn't regard it as a problem at first, but now I'm concerned.

At a meeting a few months ago, I mentioned to the group that I also attend a meeting in another town closer to my home. Next thing I know, this man is attending the same meeting. He always makes a point of telling me about what's going on with the people we went through treatment with.

I am active in service work and plan to attend a regional meeting at a resort over a weekend. Guess who has suddenly decided to do the same?

I'm nervous about being around this man. I don't want to compromise his sobriety, but I can't stand seeing him at every meeting and event I attend. My husband is also bothered by it, and I'm considering not attending any meetings at all because he's creeping me out. How should I handle this? -- SOBER AND CREEPED OUT

DEAR CREEPED OUT: If there is a group moderator or contact, discuss this with that person. Because you want less contact with your "admirer," look around for another group. Even if you will have to travel a bit farther, it will be worth the effort.

If you do happen to run into him in the future and he tries to engage you in conversation about other patients from your program, cut the conversation short by telling him you are not interested in hearing about them. One of the hallmarks of 12-step programs is anonymity -- and it should be respected.

DEAR ABBY: I was raised that a person's birthday is his or her day to do whatever he or she wants, but my wishes are being ignored by a close friend I'll call Wade.

For the last 10 years I have ignored my birthday and tried to avoid all celebrations. I'll take a vacation alone and have a great time. My family understands how I feel and gives me no grief.

I met Wade five years ago. He's a co-worker who has become a good friend. Wade has made it his goal in life to make me celebrate my birthday. I have tried being nice about the presents and even a surprise birthday party one year, but I really prefer to be left alone. I never told him my birth date. He had access to HR records and found out on his own.

He says I am "rude" for not letting him celebrate my birthday. Other than this issue, he's a great guy. Advice, Abby? -- NON-OBSERVANT IN FLORIDA

DEAR NON-OBSERVANT: Wade may be a "great guy," but he appears to be insensitive when it comes to respecting the feelings of others. Before your next birthday, "remind" him that you prefer not to celebrate or acknowledge it. A good friend should listen and respect the other person's wishes instead of trying to impose his or her will, and don't be shy about saying so.

DEAR ABBY: I am one of four sisters. Two of my sisters, their husbands and I want to plan a trip to Italy. We do not want to include our fourth sister and her husband. None of us like him or can forgive how he abused her in the past. For her sake, we tolerate him at family gatherings and holidays, but none of us want to be with him for an extended period. We also don't think his health would allow him to do a lot of the things we want to do on this vacation.

How do we plan this trip while excluding our sister and her husband without hurting her feelings or causing a big family blowup? Should we just not mention it? Or should we tell her she's invited but not her husband? Please advise. -- SIS IN A PICKLE

DEAR SIS: Secrets like this have a way of getting out. It might be a slip of the tongue by one of your sisters or their husbands, or some other relative who knows about the trip.

Surely your sister knows how you all feel about her husband, so it won't be a shock if you tell her she is invited but he is not. Under the circumstances I doubt if she will join you, and there will probably be hurt feelings. But sneaking this past her would be like trying to smuggle dawn past a rooster, and I don't think it would be long before she finds out anyway.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married for nine years. I worked until 2010, and then quit to be a stay-at-home mom to our two small children.

Because I no longer work, I watch what I spend, but my husband never lets me forget that he is the wage earner. When I want to spend money he always says, "What's in it for me?" or, "What do I get?" I feel like this degrades me. Why does he do this to me? -- STAY-AT-HOME MOM IN GEORGIA

DEAR STAY-AT-HOME MOM: Your husband may say it because he feels stressed or resentful that he is the sole wage earner now. The first time it happened you should have responded that "what's in it for him" is that his children have a full-time mother, which the majority of children today don't have, and "what he gets" out of it are offspring who have a mother rather than a caregiver raising them.