DEAR ABBY: I have just discovered that my granddaughter's mother helped her get a Facebook page on which she is listed as 17, interested in men and in a relationship. The child is only 11, but you'd never know it from the makeup and hairdo in her photo.

I am heartbroken that she is being "marketed" this way and that her prospects for a life of achievement and happiness are zero. I have little to no contact with her because I have been put off by her mother's "street" attitude. If her lips are moving, the woman is lying. My granddaughter is disrespectful and ignorant.

What breaks my heart is that I had hoped to pass on to her items that have been in our family for generations, including a sizable inheritance. What can I do to salvage a relationship with a girl who wants nothing to do with me? Failing that, where can I turn to replace her with a more suitable heir? My son can't father any more children. -- SAD GRANNY IN FLORIDA

DEAR SAD GRANNY: Your granddaughter may be disrespectful because her mother dislikes you, and you haven't been around enough so the girl could really get to know you. Also, she is only 11. Her mother is presenting her on Facebook in an inappropriate manner (to put it mildly), and the result could be tragic.

Is it possible for your son to talk with a lawyer and seek custody? If it's not, he should contact child protective services. Rather than "replace" your grandchild, it would be better for all concerned to help her.

DEAR ABBY: Three years ago, I found out that my wife of 14 years was sneaking around behind my back with her high school sweetheart. I confronted both of them and it ended. I forgave her, but I still can't sleep at night because of something that's bothering me. His wife has no idea about the affair, and I feel guilty that I haven't told her about everything that happened.

Some of my friends say I should call her and tell her, but now it seems like it happened too long ago to bring it to her attention. Also, in an attempt to get her husband to come clean -- which he did -- I promised him I wouldn't tell his wife.

My wife and I have patched things up and we're having the best years of our life together. So the question is, should I break my word and possibly upset my new relationship with my wife so I can not feel this guilt? -- CAN'T SLEEP IN ILLINOIS

DEAR CAN'T SLEEP: Surely there's a better cure for your insomnia than causing needless pain to the wife. The affair ended years ago, and she is blameless in all this. Because you are still having trouble sleeping, talk to your doctor about it. Some sessions with a psychologist or a licensed family therapist may help you to assuage your guilt and find closure.

DEAR ABBY: I have had the same barber for several years and he is a good friend. While he was on vacation, I used another barber in the shop for a cut. I really like how he cut my hair. How can I change barbers without causing hurt feelings? -- LOOKIN' GOOD IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR LOOKIN' GOOD: Barbers are human like everyone else. If you announce that you want to make a change, there probably will be hurt feelings. The question you must ask yourself is, is your relationship with your barber/friend such a close one that you're willing to tolerate continuing to patronize him even though you think someone else can do a better job. (Now that's friendship!)

DEAR ABBY: I am writing in response to your answer to "Bi in the Deep South" (Jan. 2), the woman who is happily married to a man, but who now realizes she is bisexual and wants to come out.

My wife is an out bisexual woman. You were correct that it is possible to be bisexual without having acted on it, as people are not defined solely by the partner they have. Precisely for that reason, some individuals feel that "bisexual" is who they are, and to omit it feels like living a lie.

The notion that stating one's bisexuality is "advertising that one is available" is why my wife chose to come out -- to combat this misconception. Just as straights can be attracted to people of the opposite sex besides their spouse, so might a coupled bisexual person be attracted to other individuals of both genders. Bisexuals, however, are no more likely to act on this attraction than anyone else.

"Bi" should just be herself and tell anyone who needs to know when she feels comfortable telling them. And you're right, Abby -- she should tell her husband first. But if her marriage is as strong and happy as she indicated, I'm pretty sure he already knows. I know I did. -- JON IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR JON: Thank you for writing. The comments I received about that letter were passionate and informed:

DEAR ABBY: Bisexual women and men who begin identifying and clarifying their sexual identities in the context of committed relationships need spaces where they can sort through their understandings of themselves.

A support group that is either counselor- or peer-led, in-person or online, can be an important resource to help "Bi in the Deep South" recognize that others have also experienced what she is going through and she can learn from them. She will see there is a place of support and encouragement where it's OK to talk about what bisexuality means for her. Being part of such a group can be particularly liberating. -- LICENSED COUNSELOR, AUSTIN, TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: If "Bi in the Deep South" is comfortable enough with who she is to tell someone, she should not be advised to stay in the closet to any degree. She has the right to be honest with herself and her family and not go through life hiding.

As for posting one's sexual orientation on social media profiles, doing so does not change your relationship status. You can be both "in a committed relationship" and "bisexual." They are not mutually exclusive. -- BI IN THE PACIFIC NORTHWEST

I speak from personal experience. I was silent for five years, and the day I started talking about the fact that I am bisexual, I felt as though a huge weight had been lifted off me.

DEAR ABBY: There is real power in coming out, in voicing your authentic self. There is an emotional cost to remaining silent. Many who do so feel like they are allowing others to assume things about them that are just not true.

I hope "Bi in the Deep South" will find the courage to come out and fly her rainbow colors. Although she may have to correct some people's misconceptions of what it means to identify as bisexual, she will feel much better. -- ROBYN IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship with the man of my dreams for five years. Everything is great between us except for one huge thing -- we are no longer intimate.

I have recently come to the realization that this isn't the first time I have had this problem. I always thought it was an issue with the relationship, but now I suspect it may be linked to molestation I suffered when I was a child. At that time I was told "people who love you don't touch you like that." Logically I know this is different, but my partner tells me I just freeze up when we are together.

I think I need professional help, but I'm embarrassed and don't know where to start. Do I need a therapist? How do I locate a good one in my area? -- REACHING OUT IN CLEVELAND

DEAR REACHING OUT: Please accept my sympathy. Considering your history, what you're experiencing is understandable, and yes, you need to talk to a therapist. The therapy should have started at the time you were molested. To find a "good one," ask your physician to refer you to several so you can find a person you feel comfortable talking with.

Please do not be embarrassed to be frank, because most therapists have heard everything. It isn't their job to judge you, only to help you. None of this was your fault, and your problem is fixable.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, kids and I moved out of state seven years ago, leaving behind our extended families. Now, whenever we plan a vacation in our home state, we encounter the same issues. The first is trying to accommodate everyone's schedule into our own. The second is dividing our time between my family and my husband's. (His family is smaller than mine.)

Is it fair to divide the time in half -- half for his family and half for mine -- even though I have so many more relatives on my list? Or should we divide our time by the number of households we need to see? These issues cause my husband and me to argue, and it makes what is supposed to be a vacation very unpleasant. I already feel like canceling the trip. -- VACATION ISSUES

DEAR VACATION ISSUES: A solution would be to have two large family get-togethers -- one for your family and another for his -- during your visit. Then, if you want to visit with the relatives from the two branches of the families individually, you can "divide and conquer." He can spend as much time as he wishes with his relatives, and you can spend time with yours.

DEAR ABBY: Every year my workplace sponsors a community blood drive. I am invariably asked by co-workers if I am going to donate. Because I am HIV-positive, I answer no. Then the person asks me why.

Abby, it is no one's business. There could be many reasons -- ranging from health to religious to personal. Or a person may simply not want to donate.

I would give if I could. Please ask your readers not to question others about whether they will donate blood. Have you any suggestions about how I should respond? -- ON THE JOB IN IDAHO

DEAR ON THE JOB: A polite deflection would be to make light of it by saying, "I just don't."