DEAR ABBY: I have been in a relationship with the man of my dreams for five years. Everything is great between us except for one huge thing -- we are no longer intimate.

I have recently come to the realization that this isn't the first time I have had this problem. I always thought it was an issue with the relationship, but now I suspect it may be linked to molestation I suffered when I was a child. At that time I was told "people who love you don't touch you like that." Logically I know this is different, but my partner tells me I just freeze up when we are together.

I think I need professional help, but I'm embarrassed and don't know where to start. Do I need a therapist? How do I locate a good one in my area? -- REACHING OUT IN CLEVELAND

DEAR REACHING OUT: Please accept my sympathy. Considering your history, what you're experiencing is understandable, and yes, you need to talk to a therapist. The therapy should have started at the time you were molested. To find a "good one," ask your physician to refer you to several so you can find a person you feel comfortable talking with.

Please do not be embarrassed to be frank, because most therapists have heard everything. It isn't their job to judge you, only to help you. None of this was your fault, and your problem is fixable.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, kids and I moved out of state seven years ago, leaving behind our extended families. Now, whenever we plan a vacation in our home state, we encounter the same issues. The first is trying to accommodate everyone's schedule into our own. The second is dividing our time between my family and my husband's. (His family is smaller than mine.)

Is it fair to divide the time in half -- half for his family and half for mine -- even though I have so many more relatives on my list? Or should we divide our time by the number of households we need to see? These issues cause my husband and me to argue, and it makes what is supposed to be a vacation very unpleasant. I already feel like canceling the trip. -- VACATION ISSUES

DEAR VACATION ISSUES: A solution would be to have two large family get-togethers -- one for your family and another for his -- during your visit. Then, if you want to visit with the relatives from the two branches of the families individually, you can "divide and conquer." He can spend as much time as he wishes with his relatives, and you can spend time with yours.

DEAR ABBY: Every year my workplace sponsors a community blood drive. I am invariably asked by co-workers if I am going to donate. Because I am HIV-positive, I answer no. Then the person asks me why.

Abby, it is no one's business. There could be many reasons -- ranging from health to religious to personal. Or a person may simply not want to donate.

I would give if I could. Please ask your readers not to question others about whether they will donate blood. Have you any suggestions about how I should respond? -- ON THE JOB IN IDAHO

DEAR ON THE JOB: A polite deflection would be to make light of it by saying, "I just don't."

DEAR ABBY: I'm married to the love of my life. Our 25th anniversary will be here soon. My issue is, my husband has a beard I cannot stand. It's long and unkempt, and makes him look 10 years older than he is. It has become a real issue between us.

He keeps telling me about women and co-workers who tell him what a "nice full beard" he has. I don't care what these women think. I am his wife, and I think he should shave it or at least trim it for me.

I am withholding sex (which is very important to him) until he trims it and no longer make eye contact with him because I can't stand looking at him. What should I do? I love him more than anyone else in the world does. Shouldn't he respect my wishes? -- IN A HAIRY SITUATION IN DULUTH

DEAR HAIRY SITUATION: If you want to make your marriage last 26 years, please stop using sex as a weapon to manipulate your husband.

That said, your opinion should supersede that of the women he sees at work. A beard can be flattering if it is kept clean and trimmed. If it's not, a man can look like Howard Hughes in his latter days, which is truly unfortunate.

Because you are unable to get your message across, enlist the help of your husband's barber. Perhaps he can get through to him.

DEAR ABBY: I'm planning on moving into the same apartment complex as my ex-boyfriend. It's all I can afford and still be close to where my family lives. He'll be on one side, and I'll be on the far side. I don't think he will be driving to the side I'll be living on.

Should I text him and let him know I'm moving nearby but I'm not stalking him? Or should I keep my mouth shut and hope he never sees my car? -- TOO CLOSE FOR COMFORT?

DEAR TOO CLOSE?: Before you sign the lease, ask yourself how you would feel if you saw your ex-boyfriend involved with another woman. If it would be painful, then it would be healthier for you to find an apartment elsewhere.

Next, ask yourself why your ex might think you were stalking him. If there is a grain of truth to it, again, you should not move there. If, however, there isn't, it is not necessary to text him about anything. If he sees your car and has a problem with it, do not make it your problem. The romance is over and so is the drama. Live your life and let him live his.

DEAR ABBY: I recently sent my wife flowers, but she took umbrage because I didn't take the time to stop by the florist and jot down a message myself. I phoned in the order and dictated the message instead. I am hurt and mystified over this alleged faux pas. Did I commit a social no-no? -- STEVEN IN ST. LOUIS

DEAR STEVEN: Of course not. For your wife to have criticized your gift was ungracious. She may have been upset about something else or having a bad day. Dictating the message on the card was perfectly appropriate.

DEAR ABBY: I've been divorced for nearly two years, and my ex and I have moved on. My question is about our family portraits. I don't want to throw them away because of my kids, but I don't really want them around my house either. What should I do? -- NOT LOOKING BACK IN AUSTIN

DEAR NOT LOOKING BACK: Put them in an album, or display them in your children's bedrooms if they wish. Although the marriage is over, your ex is still their father and, hopefully, he will always be a part of their lives.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a member of a close-knit theater company for teens, and I auditioned for the musical "Fame." The director wants to give me a role as one of the teachers.

Show after show, I get matronly roles with no memorable lines or funny scenes. I don't know if I should accept the part. If I do, I'll get to be with my friends. If I don't, there will still be another show coming up that I can audition for. What should I do? -- YOUNG ACTRESS IN MICHIGAN

DEAR YOUNG ACTRESS: Grab all the time you can get on stage. If you didn't have the depth it takes to portray a mature role, your director wouldn't want to assign it to you. This is a compliment about your abilities. Audition for the next show as well. The more varied the roles you play, the more you can develop your craft.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I decided to take some classes at a local community college. We both have college degrees, but there was a class we were interested in. We are the oldest students in the class by 10 to 20 years.

I am irritated by our classmates' disrespect and rudeness to the instructor. It takes the form of talking with each other when the instructor is speaking, then asking her to explain what she just discussed while they were talking. They sometimes get so loud that I can't hear what the teacher is saying.

Is there anything I can do as a fellow student to get them to stop? Because of the age difference, I'm afraid most of them would think I was being bossy. -- ANONYMOUS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ANONYMOUS: The teacher you describe does not appear to be a particularly effective one or she would have better control of the classroom.

Because the noise level is so high you can't hear the lecture, I have two suggestions: The first is to speak privately with the teacher. And if that doesn't do the trick, when the students around you become disruptive, ask them to pipe down so you can hear what the instructor is saying. That is not being bossy. You paid for the class and you should get your money's worth.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I often go out to eat at local ethnic restaurants with a small group of friends. When we're at a Mexican restaurant, I often throw a couple of "arribas!" into our conversation. When we're at an Italian restaurant, I will sometimes use an Italian accent to say "pizza pie-a!" My husband tells me it's offensive.

I don't mean to insult anyone. My comments are made in the spirit of fun. Furthermore, the owners and servers at these restaurants are hardly ethnic Mexicans or Italians.

I would never wish to hurt someone or be derogatory, so I told my husband I'd consult you. What do you think? -- MUY CALIENTE IN IOWA

DEAR MUY CALIENTE: When you visit a Jewish deli do you tell the server, "Oy vey, I'll have the corned beef"? Your husband is right -- cool it. Not because you'll offend the servers in the restaurant, but because stereotyping makes you look like a fool.