DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been dating for several months. He's fun and caring, and we spend a lot of time together. He's different from other boys I have dated. We can talk to each other about anything.

My only concern is our relationship physically. He makes it very clear that he wants to go all the way with me. He isn't rude or pushy about it. I don't want to rush into anything. We are both virgins (he does have more experience), and while I have known him for a long time, I don't know him as well as I'd like.

I want to wait until we have dated for at least six months. He says he respects my decision and says he doesn't want to pressure me. I still feel a little rushed. All of our friends have had sex, but I don't want it to be about our hormones in the heat of the moment.

I hate saying no to him. I know he won't leave me, but I feel bad for leaving him frustrated. Would it be wrong to agree to having sex with him -- something we both want -- even if I don't know if we're ready for the next step? -- UNSURE IN CANADA

DEAR UNSURE: Yes, it would be wrong. The first time you have sex it should be because you are 100 percent sure you are ready, and he is the right person. If that's not the case, you will be cheating yourself.

And as for feeling guilty because you are leaving him frustrated -- I have a solution. Socialize with him in group settings and spend less time alone together. That way there will be less frustration for him and less temptation for both of you.

DEAR ABBY: I am a single mother raising a 15-year-old son. For most of his life it has just been the two of us. I now regret that I put him in bed with me when he was a baby. As he grew older, I encouraged him to sleep in his own bed, but it would last only a few nights, and then he would sneak back into my room.

I was married for three years when he was around 11, and he'd sneak into my husband's and my bedroom after we were asleep and sleep on a couch in there.

His problem is he is terrified of the dark and believes in ghosts, monsters, etc. He says he has a phobia and I believe him. I tried getting a dog for him to sleep with and night-lights, but nothing worked. If I lock him out, he lays awake all night, scared to death.

I kept thinking he would grow out of this, but he hasn't. Please help. I can't really afford therapy, but if you think he needs it, I will try. -- TROUBLED IN ARIZONA

DEAR TROUBLED: Some sessions with a psychologist who specializes in phobias would be the quickest way to help your son overcome his problem. And when you consult with one, I am sure the therapist will recommend that your son stay away from violent video games, and movies or television shows that feature ghosts, monsters or anything else that goes "bump" in the dark because they could only increase his fears.

DEAR ABBY: I'm different from other girls. I don't wear girly clothes. I prefer dark clothes and makeup. My mom thinks I'm strange because I dress differently. Do you think I look like a freak for not conforming, or is there nothing wrong with being different? -- DIFFERENT IN WASHINGTON

DEAR DIFFERENT: I would never call you a "freak" because of your attire. It is common for young people to express their individuality by their dress, hairstyle and makeup. There is, however, a point when a person's style choices can be limiting.

My question for you would be, "Are you getting the kind of attention you want from presenting yourself this way?" The answer should determine how you choose to dress.

DEAR ABBY: As a law enforcement officer, I would like to comment on your reply to "Overprotective Mom" (Dec. 26). I agree with your solution to have the boy who wouldn't wear his bike helmet because it was "uncool" visit a facility that treats people with traumatic brain injuries. However, you missed a golden opportunity to remind parents that they are the parents, and because they are responsible for their child's safety, they are in charge!

What has happened to plain old "parenting"? Time and again, I see children make their own rules because the parents have shrugged off the responsibility of parenting. You should have told them to tell their child that if he won't wear a helmet, his bike will be taken away until he does. -- BILL IN BARTLESVILLE, OKLA.

DEAR BILL: You and many readers are right. I did overlook the issue of parenting in my reply. Mea culpa! Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Have "Overprotective Mom" ask her son if he thinks firefighters, fighter pilots, police officers and football players are "uncool." They all wear helmets! -- JAMES IN HASTINGS, NEB.

DEAR ABBY: Not wearing a bike helmet to be "cool" is knuckling under to peer pressure. Those parents should use this opportunity to explain peer pressure and its consequences to their son.

He needs to understand that he must make decisions for himself, and his "friends" should accept him for who he is. He needs to learn to stand his ground and be who he wants to be despite what others think of him. He also needs to learn to make decisions that affect his life based on facts, and not follow the crowd. True friends will most often make the same sound decisions that he makes, or accept his decision without pressuring him.

One other comment: Require the kid to wear a helmet or forfeit the right to ride a bike. It's called "tough love" and although it is tough, it is also rewarding. More parents need to have sound, well-thought-out rules and stick to them. -- PARENT FIRST, FRIEND SECOND

DEAR ABBY: Patients cannot be used as exhibits, even with the best of intentions. It would be unethical and also illegal under HIPAA laws. A better option would be to contact the injury prevention office at a local children's hospital and ask for tips. If your readers don't live near one, there are websites filled with helpful information. -- LAURIE IN DALLAS

DEAR ABBY: It's true that there is no state code law in Texas regarding bicycle helmets, but many municipalities, including Dallas, have ordinances that require riders to wear them. That mother should check her city code. -- CONCERNED IN TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: "Overprotective" should let her son choose a "cool" helmet and be sure it's fitted correctly. Going to a bike shop may be the best bet.

Serious bikers are cool and will be supportive. The boy should select the style and color he wants and decorate it with hot stickers or whatever he wishes. If that doesn't work, then take the bike away. It's the kind of cause-and-effect discipline that really works. -- BARBARA IN RUMFORD, MAINE

DEAR ABBY: I hope you will print this because I'm sure many women share this dilemma. My boyfriend, whom I adore and who is one of the kindest men on Earth, wants me to perform a certain sex act on him. While I understand that many people -- and I don't judge them -- enjoy it, I am not one of them. I would feel degraded if I even tried it.

He says he won't pressure me about it, yet he talks about it a lot. Just listening to him talk about it puts unwanted pressure on me. I have tried to be honest with him. I told him I don't want to do this, but I'm afraid if I don't, it will damage my relationship with him. However, if I give in, I'll end up feeling self-loathing and resentment. Either way, it will be damaging. We're in our 40s. Please offer any advice you might have. -- WORRIED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WORRIED: You are indeed not alone in this dilemma. You should not have to do anything you are uncomfortable with. The next time your boyfriend raises the subject, turn the discussion to amorous activities you both enjoy. Then suggest that instead of this particular sex act, you engage in his "No. 2 favorite."

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 51-year-old woman with a question. What do you recommend a person do or say when being lied to? I'm not talking about the little white lies we all tell to spare someone's feelings, smooth things over, etc.

I once had a 21-year-old man tell me that he was a veteran of a war that had been over for 10 years! I felt like an idiot pretending to believe him and knew he'd be laughing at me later, but frankly, I felt scared to confront him. -- HEARD A WHOPPER

DEAR HEARD A WHOPPER: If you have reason to feel that the person talking to you is being untruthful, be polite and end the conversation. And if your intuition tells you the person is someone to be afraid of, put as much distance between you as possible and avoid that person in the future.

DEAR ABBY: I am a plus-sized woman. I am loud and boisterous, and I like to surround myself with similar women. However, there is a problem I am now facing.

Many of my friends have made amazing transformations and gotten fit. I am fully supportive and impressed, but I see the price they are paying. They are no longer confident and vivacious. They have become timid, approval-seeking shells of their previous selves.

Why do newly thin women forget how awesome their personalities used to be? -- BIG BEAUTY IN ILLINOIS

DEAR BIG BEAUTY: Not knowing your friends, I can't answer for them. But it is possible that having become "transformed and fit," they no longer feel they need their loud and boisterous personas to compete for attention.

DEAR ABBY: When I was growing up, my father would ask my mother what she wanted, and then he would buy the opposite. For example, if she wanted a brown sofa, he would buy a blue one.

One day I realized that he acts the same way toward me. He will ask my opinion about the color of something -- like an appliance -- then buy the opposite color. Is there a name for this behavior? -- ANONYMOUS IN ATLANTA

DEAR ANONYMOUS: Yes, there is. It is called "passive aggression," and it's a way of demonstrating veiled hostility without being directly confrontational.