DEAR ABBY: Is there such a thing as non-physical sexual abuse? When I was young, my father would fondle my mother when I came to sleep with them when I had a nightmare. (She would rebuff his advances.) He would also watch porn in front of me.

As I matured, he made comments about my figure. He would barge into my room without knocking and insist he didn't have to knock. He'd tell dirty jokes or talk about sexually inappropriate things. (The day after my wedding he asked my husband how our wedding night had been.) But with all of this, he never touched me or assaulted me.

His actions affected my self-esteem and relationships because as I grew up I thought the only thing I had to offer was being sexy. Thankfully, therapy and my husband helped me to see myself as a fully dynamic person.

I recently began seeing a new counselor who thinks my father was just a dirty old man -- nothing more. Was I abused? Any information you have would be appreciated. -- WONDERING IN WISCONSIN

DEAR WONDERING: When a parent attempts to initiate sex or watch pornography in front of a child, it is sexualizing behavior and it could also be considered "grooming" behavior. Your father's actions were so far out of the normal boundaries that they were off the charts. And yes, it was a form of abuse. My advice is to change counselors.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter is mentally ill, homeless and on meth. A year ago, when she wasn't so bad, she asked if I would take her 3-year-old daughter, "Lucy," so she could get herself together. Unfortunately, she went the other direction.

It was fine when I thought that the arrangement was temporary, but when I realized I would be raising Lucy as a single parent at 49, things got hard.

My so-called friends have abandoned me, and so has my much younger boyfriend. But what is actually killing this is that I get no respite. I am an extreme introvert. Constant contact drains me. When I don't have my "recharge" time, I tune Lucy out, and the next thing I know she has cut up the curtains or hidden my shoes. I'm afraid I'm just going to lose it. Work doesn't count; there are people there, too. Bad thoughts are going through my head because I feel such resentment.

I know if I had time for my own mental health, I could be a good surrogate mother to Lucy, but if I can't, I'm starting to think I may have to give her up, and that breaks my heart. I want to scream, to throw things, to just leave the house and walk until I drop. Please help me. -- END OF MY ROPE

DEAR END: How much time do you need to recharge? Would it be an hour or hour and a half at the end of each workday? Would an afternoon during the weekends suffice? Have you discussed this with Lucy's grandfather or her paternal grandparents? They might be willing to get involved and lighten your load. Would a neighbor watch your grandchild on a regular basis if you compensated her or him? How about the person who already takes care of Lucy while you're at work?

Please explore these options if you haven't already. Screaming, throwing things and leaving the little girl alone are not viable scenarios. However, if you feel that you might harm her, it would be better if you placed her for adoption or in foster care.

DEAR ABBY: I'm in my early 20s, happily married and financially secure. My husband and I have been discussing having children. My problem is my sister has been trying to start a family for three years, to no avail because she has infertility issues.

These issues run in our family, and there is a 75 percent chance that I will have the same problem. Should I talk to my sister about my trying to get pregnant, or wait until I'm pregnant and break the news to her then? Since I may have the same problem she's having, I don't want to discuss something with her that may never happen. Any thoughts? -- DON'T WANT TO HURT HER

DEAR DON'T WANT TO HURT HER: "Springing" news that you are pregnant would be more of a jolt to her than hearing that you're trying. I see no reason to keep this a secret from your sister. Because problems conceiving run in your family, talking about it might be helpful to both of you. If you do become pregnant, she may want to consult your doctor. If it doesn't happen, the two of you can emotionally support each other.

DEAR ABBY: After 20 years of marriage, I am now again in the dating world -- and wow, have things ever changed! What happened to the days when men would open doors, kiss your cheek, or try to impress you by sending flowers, complimenting you and chasing you to go out with them? Nowadays, the guys expect me to impress them, call them first, etc.

What are your thoughts on this? I have been on numerous dates, and out of all of them only one man acted like an old-school gentleman. Unfortunately, he was only 30. I'm in my mid-40s.

I'm not super-rich, but I have a stable job, good benefits and two well-behaved boys. What's wrong with me? -- NEW TO THE DATING WORLD

DEAR NEW: Nothing is "wrong" with you. In fact, if men still chased you, complimented you and didn't expect to drag you to bed in the late '80s and early '90s, you were lucky! Old-fashioned romance started dying out in the late 1960s and early '70s. As women became more aggressive, men became more passive.

If you like the way the 30-year-old man treats you, please don't let the age difference get in the way. Grab him, because his kind is now a rarity.

DEAR ABBY: On Feb. 5 you referred to someone as a "controlling, slave-driving witch." A lot of people in the Wiccan community, practitioners of Wicca, use the term "witch" with positive connotations. There are several slur words that I heard growing up that I would never dream of using these days because of how society has changed. Please help to spread the word.

It took years of fighting the system, but we are now recognized by the VA and included on headstones with other religious symbols.

And by the way, in our religion, the word "warlock" is an insult that means "oath breaker." "Witch" is a gender-neutral name. -- PROUD MALE WITCH AND VETERAN

DEAR PROUD MALE WITCH AND VETERAN: I hope that you and other members of the Wiccan religion will forgive my lapse, which was made out of ignorance. I used the term "witch" as a substitute for the word I wanted to use because my editors told me that referring to a woman in that way is not acceptable in family newspapers.

DEAR ABBY: My 26-year-old daughter was married last year, but four months after the wedding her husband was arrested for child molestation that had occurred years before. She filed for divorce immediately.

In the meantime, she has met someone and is now pregnant. They want to be married as soon as her divorce is final. My question is, what kind of ceremony would be appropriate in this case, especially since her father and I are church pastors in a small town? -- SMALL-TOWN WEDDING

DEAR SMALL TOWN: If your daughter had written to me, I would have advised her not to rush into another marriage so quickly, and that if she hasn't already done so, she should seek some counseling because of what she has been through.

However, because she and the father of her baby are determined to tie the knot as soon as possible, their ceremony should be low-key, with a few close friends and family attending. The ceremony could be either a religious one or a civil one, depending upon their preference. I hope their union will be a happy and successful one.

DEAR ABBY: At what age should parents stop worrying about you? I am 41 years old, but in my parents' eyes I am still a child.

I am an independent woman and feel like I am not living the life I deserve, and I don't think it's fair. I do everything by myself, and I want them to know that if something happens to them, I'll be fine, and they should stop worrying. Am I wrong to feel this way? -- DEBORAH IN OHIO

DEAR DEBORAH: You are not wrong. However, your parents may be clinging to you not because they are worried about what will happen to you if something happens to them. They may be clingy because they are worried about what will happen to them if something happens to you.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of eight years had an affair with an old girlfriend who is also married. I have spent the last nine months trying to forgive him, but he keeps breaking my heart because he can't seem to get over her.

First he was sending her emails, then trying to call her because he felt so guilty over the affair and "needed someone to talk to." Next, he went over to her house to see her. I know he loves me, but I know without a doubt he loves her, too. I'm expecting and due in the short-term, and I don't know how to heal.

The last time they talked -- about a month ago -- he told her she had ruined his life and he never wanted to see or think about her again. But I know he still searches her profile on Facebook every day and I know she blocked him, so he must be going nuts because he can't see her and her kids' pictures. I haven't confronted him about this yet, but feel I need to. Please help me. -- BROKENHEARTED IN BUFFALO

DEAR BROKENHEARTED: The old girlfriend seems to be doing her part to end the affair. Whether your husband is "going nuts" because he can't see her on Facebook is his problem, so please don't make it yours.

Bide your time, have your baby, and then when you're strong enough, do confront him. Insist on marriage counseling for both of you. You need to understand why he strayed before you or the marriage can heal.