DEAR ABBY: Thank you for the compassion you showed "Wants to Be a Mom" (Nov. 24), the 15-year-old girl considering motherhood with her almost 18-year-old boyfriend. Having lost her dad at an early age and having a mother who prefers drugs over her daughter, must have made this young lady feel very unwanted. I understand why she might think a baby would give her the love she's missing.

I applaud you for not judging her, but instead kindly helping her to understand the consequences of her potential actions. I wish her the best and hope she'll have the wisdom to realize how important an education will be for her future. With luck, in a few years she'll be a young adult ready to assume the responsibilities of being a parent. -- LINDA IN MICHIGAN

DEAR LINDA: "Wants" was smart to write for advice before acting on impulse. She deserved a thoughtful response and not just a reprimand. Readers had much to say about her letter:

DEAR ABBY: At 15, I had the first of my five daughters. By the time I was 20 I was raising the babies by myself. Would I do it all over again? Not in this lifetime!

"Wants," your boyfriend is immature. He should finish school and get a job before thinking about children. You are only 15 and have your best years ahead. One thing that never crossed my mind was how I would be able to support my child without an education. I learned the hard way.

If you and your grandma aren't getting along, it's up to you to change your attitude. Grandma has more experience than you do in this world. Listening to her will help you avoid many of the pitfalls that I went through, and that you face presently. -- WAS THERE ONCE IN WASHINGTON

DEAR ABBY: I had my first child at 21, and while I love my son there are times I wish I would have waited a while. I missed out on college and figuring out who I was and what I wanted to do. My son and daughter turned out to have special needs, so my life has been busy taking care of them. Please tell that teen that having a baby is not at all like it is in TV commercials. -- MARIA IN ILLINOIS

DEAR ABBY: A mentor to teen boys told me that some of them deliberately try to impregnate girls so they'll have a "trophy" of how manly and virile they are. The more babies they help conceive, especially without having to be responsible for them, the more bragging can go on in the locker room. Every parent needs to know this behavior is going on. Some of these boys have punched holes in condoms and convinced a reticent girl to have sex -- then laughed at her and dumped her when she became pregnant. -- NURSING SCHOOL STUDENT IN WISCONSIN

DEAR ABBY: That 15-year-old's boyfriend's desire for her to have a baby seems like a control issue to me, and it will set the tone for their relationship. She needs to say no or she will most likely be under his power for the foreseeable future. I have seen this happen too many times with high school girls. -- FORMER TEACHER IN THE NORTHWEST

DEAR ABBY: Some states will accuse the young man of statutory rape, and he could end up in jail and be branded a sex offender for life. And the girl will wind up with a baby, no education and no husband to help her. Children have no business having children. -- FLORIDA READER

DEAR ABBY: Tell that girl and her boyfriend that if they want a baby, they must support that baby on their own. Those of us who are working and raising families are tired of entitlements the young ones count on for support. Life is hard. It's expensive. And it is about more than what you "want" on a whim. -- KATHY IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR ABBY: Please tell her to visit Planned Parenthood. It promotes responsible parenting and healthy sexuality. I checked its website and there's an office in Blacksburg, Va., not far from where she lives. My best to her. -- SOMEONE WHO CARES IN NEW YORK

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other for about a year. He was a virgin when we met. Three months into the relationship we had sex. I am 18 and he is 21.

We used to have sex often, but now he is completely uninterested in anything sexual. I feel like he isn't attracted to me anymore, although I haven't changed much since we started dating.

Other than sex, we have a great relationship. We haven't had a single fight, but it hurts my feelings that he doesn't want to have sex with me anymore. What's the solution to our problem? -- TEEN IN ST. GEORGE, UTAH

DEAR TEEN: Have a frank, non-confrontational talk with your boyfriend and ask him what has changed. It may be that the novelty wore off. He may have a low sex drive, or he may be interested in women only as friends. But you will never know until you ask him. When you do, let him know that whatever his answer is, you care about him and you hope he feels the same way about you.

DEAR ABBY: My 31-year-old daughter, "Layla," is beautiful, accomplished and earns a good living. She has a lot of friends and always has a boyfriend. She has had both long-term and short-term relationships.

Layla isn't married and hopes to meet the right person. I'm very anxious about it, but this is her life and her choice. People constantly ask, "How's your daughter? Is she seeing anyone?" And when I meet someone for the first time who asks about my children, the second question they ask is, "Is she married?" (They don't ask that about my son.)

This is painful for me. What should I say in response to this omnipresent question? -- LAYLA'S MOM

DEAR MOM: All you have to do is smile and say: "My daughter is single, loves her job and is quite successful. Now tell me about your children."

DEAR ABBY: My 31-year-old daughter, "Layla," is beautiful, accomplished and earns a good living. She has a lot of friends and always has a boyfriend. She has had both long-term and short-term relationships.

Layla isn't married and hopes to meet the right person. I'm very anxious about it, but this is her life and her choice. People constantly ask, "How's your daughter? Is she seeing anyone?" And when I meet someone for the first time who asks about my children, the second question they ask is, "Is she married?" (They don't ask that about my son.)

This is painful for me. What should I say in response to this omnipresent question? -- LAYLA'S MOM

DEAR MOM: All you have to do is smile and say: "My daughter is single, loves her job and is quite successful. Now tell me about your children."

DEAR ABBY: I have been divorced for eight years. My daughter is learning how to drive. In her mother's car, while under her mother's supervision, she hit their garage door.

My ex believes I should pay half the cost of the new garage door. Also, she did a total upgrade, turning the entrance to the garage into one large door instead of two. I say I shouldn't have to pay. She says if it was someone else's house we would pay. I agree, but it is not, and my ex-wife was in the car -- not me. -- WHO PAYS? IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR WHO PAYS?: She pays. It should not be your responsibility to foot half the bill for an upgrade to your ex's garage door, particularly because she was the one who was with your daughter when the accident occurred. Don't let her bamboozle you.

DEAR ABBY: My wife and I are both schoolteachers. She hates to call in sick and often teaches class when she says she feels ill. I don't argue with her.

The problem arises when I am not feeling well. When I am sick and feverish, I'm not inclined to rise from my sickbed and go to work. On those few occasions, my wife objects strenuously. She interrogates me about my symptoms, then makes her own "diagnosis" on the spot. Apparently, her gold standard for staying home is the inability to stand.

This creates a problem for me at work because co-workers are concerned about catching my obvious illness. The last time I felt sick, my wife ordered me to go to work. When I saw a doctor afterward, I was told I had a virus and should be in bed. My wife still objected to my missing work because she considered it to be "just a cough."

I missed a grand total of two days because of it. On one of them I wasn't able to stand, the other because I refused to get out of bed. Then, since I was staying home "doing nothing," my wife insisted I care for our two children (ages 3 and 1), rather than send them to my mother-in-law who baby-sits while we work.

Today a staff member called in sick with the same virus I had. Everyone looked at me as the responsible party.

If I stay home, my wife will dump the kids on me and give me the cold shoulder. If I go to work, I expose my co-workers and perform poorly. Help! -- AT A TOTAL LOSS IN CORPUS CHRISTI

DEAR TOTAL LOSS: It appears you married a woman who is not only lacking in empathy, but also is a controlling, slave-driving witch. Unless you can find the backbone to take control of the situation and stop acting like a victim, your wife will continue to punish you when you're least able to defend yourself -- and nothing will change.

P.S. A teacher with a virus can not only infect co-workers and administrative staff, but also his students -- not to mention his own children. Please point that out to "Simone Legree."

DEAR ABBY: The adage, "If you don't have anything nice to say ..." is easier said than done. When I am tired or stressed, I have a tendency to be less tolerant of others' quirks, and sometimes I voice my annoyance. While my opinions do have a basis, I sometimes feel guilty about insulting or hurting the person's feelings. I envy those who are strong enough to not allow the stress of certain situations to affect them.

I have never been a believer in "killing them with kindness" because that seems to enable their behavior. My intolerance is probably due to unhappiness about my own life. So how do I allow these annoyances to roll off my back and bite my tongue? -- CAN'T TOLERATE FOOLS IN DES MOINES

DEAR CAN'T TOLERATE FOOLS: One way to do that would be to remind yourself that the more you take your unhappiness out on those around you, the more you will isolate yourself. When you are tired or stressed, and before shooting off your mouth, ask yourself: Is it true? Is it kind? Is it helpful? And if what you were about to say is not all three, bite your tongue, zip your lip, or walk away until you get a grip.