DEAR ABBY: I am a 29-year-old man with a criminal record. I got involved in some fraud and embezzlement rings when I was in my early 20s, and served nine months before being released on parole.

Since then I have moved in with my mother, found a job, and I'm trying to be the man I know I'm capable of being. I have reached the point where I'd like to begin dating again.

The problem is, I don't know when the time is right to bring up my past. If I wait too long, my name is mud for not saying anything sooner. I want to do the right thing so I can stay on the right path. Can you help me? -- A BETTER MAN IN NEW YORK

DEAR BETTER MAN: I agree that the chapter of your life in which you were in prison is not something you should reveal on a first date. But do raise the subject around the fourth date, because by then the woman will have had a chance to get to know you.

When you bring it up, make it clear that you didn't go to jail for a violent crime and you're not on any offenders' list. If she likes you, she'll hear you out and understand that you don't plan to repeat your past mistakes. Men who have served their time can go on to lead successful lives, and tell her that you plan to be one of them.

DEAR ABBY: I am blessed with two beautiful daughters. One is 13; the other is 4 months old. For 11 years my 13-year-old, "Lily," was my life. I had dated, but they were all Mr. Wrongs.

Two years ago I finally met a wonderful man, "Kevin." He is good to me, and he and Lily get along to a point, but he's shy and doesn't talk much. Kevin moved in with us a few months after I found out I was pregnant.

I try to include Lily in our new family, but she feels left out. She stays in her room and doesn't have much to do with Kevin. She wouldn't go with me to the baby's doctor appointments and pretty much ignores her new baby sister. I have told myself she'll come around, but it hasn't happened.

What can I do to assure Lily that I love her as much as I always have? I want our family to be happy. I hope to eventually marry Kevin. Lily's dad isn't very involved in her life. Every time I try to include Lily, she gets mad and says she doesn't want to do the family functions. Help, please. -- WEST VIRGINIA MOM

DEAR MOM: Thirteen can be a difficult age and your work is cut out for you. You will have to be more proactive in order to make this arrangement function more like a family. Kevin may be shy, but he should be encouraged to make more of an effort to get to know Lily. As the adult, it is his job to break the ice and find something in common with her.

Also, Lily should not be allowed to hide out in her room and not participate in any activities. If you permit the status quo to continue, at some point she will start looking for a place where she feels she "belongs" in a situation beyond your control or supervision. If you are out of ideas on how to get your daughter to cooperate, then involve a family therapist to help you through the roadblocks.

DEAR ABBY: Although I love my 7-year-old daughter, "Emma," I do not "like" her. It's because I dislike my ex-husband, "Scott," so much. He was verbally and emotionally abusive and left me while I was pregnant. The experience left me hurt and humiliated, and I continue to harbor resentment toward him.

I'm happily remarried now, but Emma is a constant reminder of my bad marriage. I feel she's selfish, rude, lazy and disrespectful -- characteristics Scott possesses. I have little tolerance for her behavior and I'm hard on her. Sometimes I feel like I'm talking to him instead of to a little girl.

I have seen several therapists, but nobody has been able to help. I have been told, "Your child isn't your ex so you need to get over it!"

Compounding the problem is the daughter I have with my second husband, a little girl I adore beyond words. She's sweet, kind, friendly and essentially the opposite of Emma. I love this child more than I love Emma, and I'm disgusted with myself for feeling this way. It was Scott who hurt me, but I can't get past the hurt. Abby, what can I do? -- DISTRESSED IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR DISTRESSED: Try harder to rebuild the bond you didn't form with Emma when she was born because of your anger at her father. It can still be done, but it will take work on your part. Emma's behavior may be the result of how you have treated her, and if you can change, so may she. I'll share with you a letter I printed several years ago from another mother who shared your problem:

"DEAR ABBY: The best advice I ever received for coping with my contrary daughter was from a neighbor who had a surly girl of her own. She made a conscientious effort to be more demonstrative to her daughter, hug her more and hold on a little tighter to show her how valued she was.

"I tried it with my daughter, going out of my way several times a day to express my love for her. It was awkward at first, but I persevered. I committed myself to loving that unlovable being, and slowly but surely it paid off. At first, she would lean away, but eventually she would ask me to hold on 'just one more minute.'

"My daughter is 24 now and on her own. Her life isn't what I would have hoped for or expected, but that's OK. I'm her touchstone for love and acceptance. I can't imagine my life without her. -- ANOTHER MOM IN CALIFORNIA"

Emma may be a difficult child, but she's not stupid. She sees the difference between how you react to her half-sister and the way you treat her. A first step for you would be to apologize to her, put your arms around her and tell her that from now on you will try to do better as a mother. Emma didn't ask to be born, and you owe her that.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have been married 10 years. We didn't have a wedding. Instead, we went to the courthouse -- just the two of us with a couple of witnesses -- and had a small reception a few months later.

Having been a part of some very nice weddings recently, I mentioned to my husband that I wished we would have done something more special for our wedding. Now he wants to renew our vows with a huge wedding ceremony. Would it be appropriate to have a big ceremony now? -- WONDERING IN IOWA

DEAR WONDERING: I think it's a wonderful idea. Ten years of wedded bliss is something to celebrate, and I see no reason why you shouldn't do it with the ceremony of your dreams. Other couples have done it, and so can you.

DEAR ABBY: My fiance's friend "Art" and his wife, "Julie," just had a baby. While Julie was pregnant she asked my fiance and me to be godparents. Although we could not attend her baby shower due to a previous commitment, we contributed several gifts as well as a quilt I had made.

A few weeks later, Julie posted on her social networking site that she was thankful for her baby's godparents and named an entirely different couple -- not us. I am offended. If she had discussed her reason for the change with me, I would have understood. But there was no dialogue, and to this day I have never received so much as a thank-you for our shower presents.

I would like to distance myself from Julie, but without damaging the relationship between Art and my fiance, who thinks I am overreacting and should let it go. What are your thoughts? -- NOT A GODMOTHER

DEAR NOT A GODMOTHER: Julie may have been upset that you and your fiance didn't attend the baby shower, or she may have spoken too quickly when she asked you to be godparents and didn't have the courage to say so.

Whether you can let this go only you can decide, but I do think that before you make up your mind, you should have a chat with her and clear the air -- if only because your fiance and her husband are such good friends.

DEAR ABBY: My husband's younger sister, "Cindy," is mentally ill. She has caused tremendous problems in the family. She has been arrested too many times to remember and is now on five years' probation for injury to a child. My in-laws continue making excuses for her and are the worst enablers I have ever known.

My husband once urged his dad to put Cindy into a group home or program that will take care of her because his parents are getting up in years. They refuse because it would mean they'd have to have Cindy officially committed, and they think there is still some magic doctor out there who will fix her.

Can my husband do anything as a last effort before something happens to one of his parents, or she winds up in jail? -- SAD IN TEXAS

DEAR SAD: Your husband should try to convince his parents to get some family counseling. It might help them accept that their daughter needs more help than they are equipped to give her. An outside, objective person should weigh in so that Cindy can get the professional help she so obviously needs.

If she is physically, psychologically or emotionally abusing her parents, Adult Protective Services can step in to be sure they are protected. When your in-laws pass away, if your sister-in-law becomes a danger to herself or those around her, a family member can request a commitment and psychological evaluation.

DEAR ABBY: A number of years ago, when two of my sons got married, I paid for two lovely rehearsal dinners among other wedding costs. Both marriages ended in divorce.

Now they are both engaged again and planning weddings for next summer. My question is, how many rehearsal dinners do I have to pay for? And how many other wedding expenses am I expected to pay for the second time around? -- MOTHER OF GROOMS IN VIRGINIA

DEAR MOTHER OF GROOMS: From now on, you do not have to pay for anything. The expenses should be paid for by your sons and their brides-to-be, especially if their fiancees have also been married previously.